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Do you ever get resentful at your ASD child? - Page 2

post #21 of 26

Out of curiosity, have you tried changing his diet?  I've got a couple of friends with kids on the autism scale and they've had HUGE success with the GAPS diet (concurrently with enormous amounts of therapy).  I've got my own issues with food intolerance and I go totally bonkers when I eat gluten, eggs, dairy or any kind of processed foods (my wife gets totally annoyed with me!).  I'm heavily involved in Girl Guides and have seen kids react to food dye too (one girl went from absolutely uncontrollable to SO calm in a year once they figured out she was reacting to food dye!).  

 

Good luck!  I hope you find some relief and some sleep soon!!

post #22 of 26
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the suggestion, but we are currently gluten, dairy, soy, corn and all artificial colorings and refined sugar/sweeteners free. We can not try the gaps because we have allergies to most of the food that is allowed on that diet.

 

I hate to think what he would be like if we were eating the standard american diet.

 

post #23 of 26

I just wanted to offer my sympathy and some hugs. My son is HFA and DD is (likely) Aspergers. 

 

It is really important that you find a few breaks to be the best mum you can be to your kids. That doesn't mean you have to put them in school, btw. We homeschool and that has been wonderful - school can exacerbate issues for spectrum kids and end up giving you more problems. Homeschooling doesn't mean I don't get breaks, however. Now that we have our diagnosis and funding for DS it has been a great leap forward. He goes off to a social skills group for autistic boys 2x per week, and he has an aid who either accompanies us on field trips and outings (it's like have a nanny, but one who can handle and support autistic kids!) or she takes him out places (bonus: she has an autistic son who DS adores). That's twice a week, too. Just an hour or so here and there helps me so much to not get burnt out with all the extra work of parenting these kids.

 

Anyways, my point is that you need support and if you can find that it will get better, I promise. :hugs

post #24 of 26

Oh my gosh, I so needed to read your original post! The answer to your first question is yes! I recently adopted a child with classic autism who we've had in our family for almost a year. I DO feel resentful of him sometimes, especially this week, and I've been feeling awful at myself for feeling this way. So I don't know if I have any advice to offer, but just a virtual hug and to say I think we're walking the same path right now and I'm sorry it's so tough.

 

My son does weird and crazy things. Sometimes I can be patient with it and see it as the ASD and not as something he means to do. Other times I just wish he would stop. He is 3-1/2 and I have two older kids and one younger. Wake the baby? Yep. Make weird noises? Yep. He requires constant supervision or you just never know what he will do. I can't go to the bathroom. Fortunately my two oldest can keep an eye out and yell if something is amiss, but it's a lot of stress on little girls to have to do this. And when they are away (which doesn't happen very much) I am left frazzled.

 

In my case, my son gets mental health services because he came to us having been severely neglected. We started this before we knew of his ASD diagnosis. I think autism would qualify him for the services anyway, even without the trauma, so I'm just mentioning it in case the idea helps you. My son's behaviors are extreme, so community mental health offered us respite services. They'd pay for 20 hours of respite each week and we could use a provider of our choice! We hired my sister-in-law, started practicing some days of respite to see how he would transition, and I got awfully spoiled by it. I had a couple hours a day to think, pee by myself, start a load of laundry, homeschool my other kids ... Then a week later suddenly we had to change to the community mental health agency where we live instead of where our son is from (the office is actually farther away, grr) and their respite program is totally different. It's because we finalized his adoption, though everyone knew we were about to finalize and nobody mentioned we'd have to switch agencies. Now we're allowed $1,200 worth of respite in an entire year — about what the previous agency would have allowed us for 6 weeks — and only after my son goes through a lengthy process to qualify and get "scored" to see if he is eligible for this much

 

To get to the point, I have decided that I need to do something to get my sanity and happiness back. It's not good for me, my husband, or my other children when I am so frazzled I can barely function and have trouble getting joy out of a day. (I'm sharing my story in case it helps you. Take what works and leave the rest.) I have homeschooled my older kids since birth. It is part of who I am and who our family is. But I am about to go visit the special needs preschool in my county in the next week or two with plans of enrolling my son unless my tour shows me anything horrifying. I can't even type this without crying about it because it goes against everything I thought was important to me. I am all about bringing my kids everywhere I go, doing everything together, learning and living together as a unit. That was before I had a child I couldn't even step outside the door with without him taking off into the road, eating a handful of sand, putting himself and others at risk. My life changed when a child with autism came into it, and now I feel like I need to accept that and make the best decisions I can with what I have in front of me.

 

My best as you figure out what works for you. I guess I do have one piece of advice, and that is to allow yourself to make a choice that's not what you expected. Know that you are still a good mother. That it takes a strong mother to raise a child with serious special needs and all that comes along with it. That you don't have to do it all by yourself, even if that was your ideal when you thought of a child who functioned typically. Maybe I'm mostly telling myself these things.  : )

post #25 of 26

I want to address this...
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by IncompetentHousewife View Post

 

To get to the point, I have decided that I need to do something to get my sanity and happiness back. It's not good for me, my husband, or my other children when I am so frazzled I can barely function and have trouble getting joy out of a day. (I'm sharing my story in case it helps you. Take what works and leave the rest.) I have homeschooled my older kids since birth. It is part of who I am and who our family is. But I am about to go visit the special needs preschool in my county in the next week or two with plans of enrolling my son unless my tour shows me anything horrifying. I can't even type this without crying about it because it goes against everything I thought was important to me. I am all about bringing my kids everywhere I go, doing everything together, learning and living together as a unit. That was before I had a child I couldn't even step outside the door with without him taking off into the road, eating a handful of sand, putting himself and others at risk. My life changed when a child with autism came into it, and now I feel like I need to accept that and make the best decisions I can with what I have in front of me.

 

 

 

You are doing what you feel is right for your family at this time. THIS IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. You recognize a need for your whole family. It's with EVERYONE'S best interest in mind. At a school setting, your son will be safe from bolting into traffic, among other things. Max was the same way. I bought one of those leashes and I didn't look back. (I got a bunch of crap from passers-by, but they didn't have a bolter!) I was GLAD when I finally convinced my husband to put him in public school because I was exhausted! I love my kid, but if I'm not feeling my best, there is no way in hell I can give more to the family. You know?

 

You're doing fine. And your screen name is not true. From where I sit, you're QUITE competent. ;)

post #26 of 26
Thread Starter 


Thanks for the encouragement :)
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Piglet68 View Post

I just wanted to offer my sympathy and some hugs. My son is HFA and DD is (likely) Aspergers. 

 

It is really important that you find a few breaks to be the best mum you can be to your kids. That doesn't mean you have to put them in school, btw. We homeschool and that has been wonderful - school can exacerbate issues for spectrum kids and end up giving you more problems. Homeschooling doesn't mean I don't get breaks, however. Now that we have our diagnosis and funding for DS it has been a great leap forward. He goes off to a social skills group for autistic boys 2x per week, and he has an aid who either accompanies us on field trips and outings (it's like have a nanny, but one who can handle and support autistic kids!) or she takes him out places (bonus: she has an autistic son who DS adores). That's twice a week, too. Just an hour or so here and there helps me so much to not get burnt out with all the extra work of parenting these kids.

 

Anyways, my point is that you need support and if you can find that it will get better, I promise. :hugs



 


Yes, ITA with HarperRose. If you provide for your family's needs, then you are very very competent!

And thank you for the advice. I am coming to the place where I am realizing that I can stop trying so hard to be "normal". It takes away energy I could be using for my children.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by IncompetentHousewife View Post

 

My best as you figure out what works for you. I guess I do have one piece of advice, and that is to allow yourself to make a choice that's not what you expected. Know that you are still a good mother. That it takes a strong mother to raise a child with serious special needs and all that comes along with it. That you don't have to do it all by yourself, even if that was your ideal when you thought of a child who functioned typically. Maybe I'm mostly telling myself these things.  : )



 

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