Ex and I have been "coparenting" since DD was 1, she's 4.5 now. We do a semi-split week, which is Sat at 6pm through Thursday morning school drop off with me (so 5 nights) and then Thursday after school until Saturday evening with her dad. He used to keep her through Sunday evening, but he works at 6am on Sunday mornings and I am home - I used to work weekends and I no longer have that job.
Because I am now a full-time student with a weekday job, we no longer have the ease of basing visitation on opposite work schedules. This leaves me with no days off with my kiddo, we just do school every day and have evenings together on Mon, Tues, and Weds. We have Sunday together currently, but DD's dad continues to voice his discontentment with our current schedule because he "doesn't have enough time with her." Ex is off work when he has DD, so they have Thurs pm, all day Friday and all day Saturday until I pick up to relax and be together. I'm tired of listening to him complain.
We've never used FOC. We were not married, and have set up our own arrangements from the get go. We agreed that we did not want to go through the court system if at all possible, and until recently our communication has been decent. However, as raising a child has become more involved (planning for Kindergarten, doc appointments, general involvement in activities), the communication is minimal. He doesn't check in with me at any point during the week, does not talk to me on the days she is with him, does not make an effort to initiate any concerns - I make medical appointments, I plan for kindergarten, I deal with preschool, and he kind of accepts his lot, complains about it, but doesn't seem to understand the imbalance. He is unreliable, because I cannot depend on him to be accessible or willing to help out when it isn't his "scheduled time." He passes as a good dad because he plays with her, feeds her, and so on and so forth, but really this sounds like more of an excellent babysitter to me! I'm big on communication. We can't coparent if we don't communicate, and I'm tired of being the one to initiate this. I've recently started seeing a therapist because the stress of trying to be responsible for both of us is driving me insane.
I've applied to graduate school and will likely have a teaching assistantship. However, this requires me to be available the two weeks prior to the semester for a curriculum-building course. These two weeks are also the time inbetween preschool ending and kindergarten beginning, all of which he is completely oblivious to. When I was younger, we spent weeks at a time with my dad during the summer (and weekends with him during the school year). I know that Ex will be planning his yearly vacation to go out of state and camp or rock climb or something else with his friends; I've never taken a vacation, and here I am feeling like I may need to decline this assistantship because I cannot rely on him to be proactive and responsible. He's not NOT responsible...he's just...clueless. Why do I always have to be the one to inform him/initiate these things?
This is a two part post. I'm wondering if going through Friend of the Court would be worth it due to the stress of maintaining communication, or if it will be a waste of time and money. Should I just keep assuming 200% of the responsibility? It drives me insane that the imbalance and the lack of attentiveness/assertiveness on his behalf, because it isn't really visible like "bad parenting" is visible, doesn't feel like stable ground for being frustrated with him. I feel like I'm just supposed to be thankful that he does anything at all, and go on balancing too many things at one time. I've worked SO hard to finish this undergraduate degree, I've accomplished so much....all without financial support from him, we've just done this split week, and he has this easy life where he makes a decent amount of money and complains about not having "enough time," when he isn't willing to make any changes to take on more time to begin with.
What would you do?