Tell me about the good stuff? Just found out it's twins

[gozal]

Hi guys.

Um, so, it looks like we're having twins. 

I am obviously still in shock and will probably be annoying and post a million questions over the next few days. But in the meantime, could you share some stories about the good stuff? The joys of having twins? The fun moments, the tender moments, all that stuff. We had a long and difficult road to this pregnancy, and now I am terrified that I will be too overwhelmed to enoy my babies' infancy/toddlerhood. DS was a high-needs baby and I had a steep learning curve on motherhood, so I was really looking forward to doing it again with some experience under my belt. But of course twins are a whole other kind of experience.

I would especially love to hear some stories about older siblings and twins. DS and I are so close, I am terrified that he will be angry with me and dislike his siblings.

Thank you!!

[hamilali]

My twins are a year old, and it has been a crazy year for us!  I have 3 older children 8,6, and 3.  In my case, crazy has been amazing!

As we speak, my twins are playing peek-a-boo with each other around the corners of the walls and laughing like crazy!  I'm so glad they have each other.  My 3-year-old insists he is the one making them laugh.  He is a proud big brother.  Twins have brought such joy into all of our lives.

I have tried to maintain a relationship with my older kids, and this has been the most conscious decision I've had to make each day, because honestly, the babies just cry louder and they are the obvious "need my care right now" duo.  I really have tried to plan one-on-one time for the older kids.  Planning and following through has made all the difference for them.  Their attitude towards the babies is key.  We tried to get them excited from the very beginning, and never made excuses for ourselves when it came to taking care of their needs, such as "The babies take so much time, I can't do that for you."  Instead, "If you can help snuggle one baby, while I dress the other, I will be ready to do that for you.  I can tell the babies love it when you help."

Preganancy was the hardest part for me.  I went into early labor, but in the end, made it to 37 weeks.  Keep your body as healthy and strong as you can.  Listen to yourself, don't over-do it, and eat lots!  Try to find a variety of good healthy foods.

The first three months, plan on schedule, schedule, schedule.  Feed them together, change them at the same time, and get them to lay down at the same time.  Others have found this impossible, I found it to be a lifesaver.  Tandem breastfeeding is interesting, and only you will know how to make it work, or if it doesn't work at all.  Start now and look up freezer meals that your family enjoys, and make them ahead.  Research this forum to find how others are getting the sleep they need.  My husband was always willing to take a shift from 6:00 p.m.-midnight if I was lacking.  Don't be afraid to ask for help, even now, when your pregnancy is hard.  If you don't want people taking your DS, ask them if they'd be willing to bring in a meal, or take a load of laundry (especially easy things like towels, sheets, baby blankets and spit rags that they won't have to sort).  A Snap-and-go stroller was easiest for me at this point because the frame was light, and I never had to take sleeping babies out of their infant seats.

The next few months will be much nicer with a nice double stroller.  Lots of opinions here on the boards.  Bouncers and swings are nice, but they aren't anything like a mama, so you probably won't need two of each, once again, I know others disagree.  Lots of mommies figuring out how to wear two babies out and about, I never did.  I used the stroller for such occasions.

Take things one day at a time!  Anticipate and plan, but don't overwhelm yourself with the what-ifs.  You can take all the what-ifs as they come.  I love being a twin mom.  LOVE IT!  They may be MORE than double the work, but they come with so much love to go around.  Don't worry about the work, your body knew you could handle this :)  Now you've just got to convince yourself!

[rinap]

During my pregnancy, my girls used to take turns kicking each other. *hiccup*kick*hiccup*kick*

And when they were tiny, if you carried one across the room, the other would follow her with her eyes, before they were nearly old enough to possibly have the head control to watch.

When they were a few months old, when one cried, the other would reach out and stick a thumb in her mouth. And even now, if one cries, the other will reach out to touch her, or just on a wakeup will reach out to make sure she's still there.

And then we sit them down facing each other and they babble to each other and laugh and laugh. Or we fly one over the other and they giggle at each other.

Or they trade a toy back and forth and back and forth and then each chew on an end of the Sophie.

My cousin has twins and a daughter three years older. She loves her twin siblings and has always been really helpful. They make sure to spend one-on-one time with her (each of her parents) and with the twins, and she loves being the big sister and carrying around her brother and sister.

[gozal]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your posts are exactly what I needed to hear! It's probably helped along by the pregnancy hormones but they brought tears to my eyes. Hamilali, I'm going to be re-reading your post for all the good advice in there. We used to have a rule when DS was tiny, "Don't wake a sleeping baby...ever." I am thinking that's going to need to change! I love the older sibling stories. Yes, you are both so right, I need to have an everyday mindfulness about making sure DS gets one-on-one time with me and DH. 

Off for some happy daydreaming...

[~Adorkable~]

My twins are 14 months now and yesterday my son pulled up o the side of the bed and was making my daughter on the bed laugh so hard it was great, she the crawled over to the edge and they started putting their foreheads together and just laughing in each other faces! After this went on for a good few minutes, she leaned over and gave her brother a kiss, a new track she had learned just the day before but had only done to me so far.

The often end up sleeping I either side of me by morning or for some naps. When one wakes up, almost the first thing they do is pop up over me to see if the other one is awake and wants to giggle with them. Only then if their twin is sleeping do they setting in for a morning snack at the boob.

[momtoafireteam]

You already know its going to be hard, but one baby is hard too, as you ALSO know. 

I *love* having twins. Love love love. They are almost 7 now and I still feel blessed and lucky to get to be a twin mommy. And I definitely still have moments of "Wow, you're twins!!" so that shock never really goes away 100%. When they were young they were so sweet together, and I definitely had "twice the joy". Remember how wonderful it is to hold a gorgeous newborn and they are all milky lipped and sleepy and holding your finger? There is two of them. And just like having one baby has moments of craziness, but they are made up for the sweetness, twins will be too. Best endorsement of twins: I wanted them again. Very much. And I got them, plus one extra. :p 

I will say that your feelings of shock, while not something everyone gets, are very normal and mean NOTHING in regards to how you are going to be as a MoM. When I found out it was twins, I cried. Not with happy tears, either, and ours are from IVF and desperately planned and wanted!! My DH was *ecstatic* and I just remember thinking "What the hell is wrong with him?!?!??!?!". It took a few months for me to stop being terrified and start getting excited. And trust me, I definitely got excited. Now again with triplets, I was straight up devastated. I cried for weeks. I am still terrified and scared, but the joy is starting to creep in. It comes, eventually. You have to let your feelings run their course. 

You are going to love it. Pregnancy is long, thank goodness! :) 

[Spring Lily]

Congratulations! How exciting.

My DD1 was a high needs baby, too (she was 2 when they were born), and that made me extra panicky about twins. I was terrified to relive that experience, but with another infant to care for. As it turned out, neither twin was high needs like DD1, they just brought their own challenges instead. I don't think I could have survived 2 babies at once that were like DD1. I knew odds were against that, but I was still nervous! But chances are very low you'll have another baby like your son was, although I'm sure you'll be a little worried about that until you meet them.

Twins are wonderful in more ways than they're hard, IMO. Some of the stuff I was worried about wasn't as bad as I'd imagined. I had been thinking about how long it took to do things like bathe and diaper my 1st child, and multiplied that by 2. But actually, since I always did those things one after another or assembly-line fashion, it was only 1.5 times longer. Because really, if you're changing one baby, it's not that much extra effort to change another right after, while you're right there. Or I'd bathe one, wrap them up in a towel and lie them in a bouncy seat or on the floor, bathe the other, and then get them both dressed side by side there on the floor. So that daily care part of it wasn't near as bad as I'd imagined. Also, with DD1 it seemed like half my day was spent trying to get her to sleep, and with my twins, they were (are!) much better at it. How hard it's going to be is hugely dependent on personality, and since you already had a high needs baby, you're more prepared than most to be able to handle this. Yes, there are aspects that are harder than you imagine, but the good parts truly do make up for that.

My twins are 3 now and have been each other's best friends, right from day one. They are loving with each other, sneaky together, playful together, everything. They figured out how to take turns WAY earlier than any singletons I know, and as toddlers were always advanced for their age, socially, because they'd had so much practice at interactions with someone else their same age. Now that my twins are in preschool, it's so comforting to know that they have each other during the day. At circle time I'll see them sitting side by side. They always are on each other's radar, so they'll play with their own friends and always find each other at snack time. It's so sweet. Also, at the end of the day if one forgets their coat I'll see the other one bringing BOTH coats because they didnt' want the other to be cold. My DD2 has trouble turning off the faucet in our bathroom, so after she washes her hands she goes and gets her brother, who comes in to turn it off for her. They can negotiate together about play, something many 3 year olds have trouble with. For example, if they want to do puzzles, they'll discuss it to decide if they want to do one together or do separate ones. I just love seeing them working stuff out like that Watching them play Ring Around the Rosie is truly adorable. And the best thing is when they sing songs together! I just love that.

[Red Pajama]

I love being a mom of twins. My boys are seven now, and I have a hard time imagining how the time has passed so quickly. 

I'll share a story, rather than give advice, although I've got plenty!

We had waited a while to start a family. We'd been married 5 years, and dated for almost 7 years before that. Husband was ready to start a family, and although hesitant, I agreed. When I found out I was pregnant, I was happy to be so, but worried. Early ultrasound showed 2, probably. We had to go back to check again in a week. Husband fully embraced the idea, even before I could. He said " I want them both.  I hope it's really twins." 

[Emaya]

Such a good read this morning after a tough night, all you MoMs. Congratulations, gozal, and thanks for posting so the rest of us could also enjoy all the wonderful posts of experienced twin mamas. I found out that I was carrying triplets around week 19 (conceived spontaneously after over a year of unexplained secondary infertility -- how ironic is that) and was also very upset and disappointed (I too had a tough first time of it with dd, now 3, not because she was especially difficult, more because I'm a sissy when it comes to sleep deprivation). I wanted that calm, cozy time with a second baby when you know it all and can relax a little. But I must say, things are WAY easier than I thought. (Ok, so maybe my expectations were way low). And my enjoyment of these three fuzzy little things is immense. Every time I hold one of them, I think, "oh no, this is what they warn you of -- this one is my FAVORITE" but then I pick up the next one and think the same thing. Of course I think all my kids are pretty stinkin cute. 

[nd_deadhead]

Where to begin? My identical twin boys are 17 years old!

The first two years are hard - no doubt about it. But the special moments are doubly so - like when, at 3 or 4 months, they held hands while nursing, or at 2 when they are playing imaginary games, and are on exactly the same wavelength.

I've never had a singleton, so I can't say twins are twice as hard, but I don't think so. Mine were always on the same schedule, so when one napped, the other did; they ate the same food, wore the same clothes, played the same games. Even as babies, my sons were empathetic toward one another - it seemed that if one was sick, the other went out f his way to NOT be needy, so we could concentrate on the sick one. That's not to say they didn't bite each other regularly when they were a year old - they did! But that was a developmental stage, not a sibling issue.

The older they got, the closer they got. They are best friends - in fact, they plan to share a dorm room in college next year. They will talk for hours on end - who knows what they find to say! They care about each other, worry about each other, help each other.

Twins are not Double Trouble - they are Twice as Nice!

[~Adorkable~]

Every time I'm out in the world and someone says "double trouble" to me I balk inside, what do they know? I got very fast with the VERY true "Twice as Nice!" response. I'm hoping to teach my twins to say it for us as soon as they can.

[chaimom]

A couple of stories:  

As infants, I always put them to sleep in the same crib, but about a foot apart.  When I would go to check up on them, they had always inched together (even while swaddled) and ended up snuggled up to each other.

When they were about 2, they both carried "lovies" around.  One had a moose, the other had a bear.  One day, my "bear" boy realized he'd forgotten it at home and started sobbing in the car.   My moose boy handed him his moose and said, "You want Moosie?"  My bear boy immediately stopped crying, wiped his nose on the moose, hugged it, then handed it back to his brother and said, "thanks brother." :)   (His brother didn't bat an eye.)

Last weekend, one of my boys (now 9) had a sporting even and he didn't perform his best.  He was really disappointed and upset.   I almost had tears in my eyes when his twin brother, the spectator, rubbed his back as we were walking out and said "I think you were awesome."  

I couldn't have imagined how amazing twins are.  And I am actually kind of sad that my dd doesn't have a twin.  But at least she has her big brothers!

[mylilmonkeys]

I'm loving the stories!

Just a few minutes ago, I was holding one twin and dh had the other.  Dh's twin was clapping her hands and sucking on her fingers.  My twin saw her clapping and started clapping with her.  Too cute!  

They'll be a year on Saturday!!  

[ShanaV]

Double the love! that's my response to the double trouble comments ..... But um, often they are double trouble... Like one gets a mischievous glint in his eye and attacks you, pulling hair and grabbing glasses, and the other one laughs maniacally and jumps in! Gahh!

Really though, the first few months are very hard. Two newborns is NOT easy. But it gets far better.

My guys, like a pp, learned to trade toys back and forth very early on. Now as toddlers we do have some toy fighting, but more often than not we can say "Can you share that with your brother?" and he'll hand it over.

They give each other hi fives and knuckles.

They feed each other.

They look at each other and bust up laughing.

They play peek a boo with the blankies on the bed.

They goad each other into playing chase.

It is SO MUCH fun.

[Justmee]

My twins are 8 already (can hardly believe it!)

It has been such a joy to watch them grow up. When they first start noticing each other and playing with each other is the  most magical time. Then they start to grow as friends (and enemies!!). Mine are not identical, and they have been both best friends and... well.. we won't get into the other stuff because you wanted to hear the good things :)

Seriously, they are such a joy. It's such a special relationship, and it's such a blessing to know you have been called to the special world of "moms of twins." I will fully admit that this time I was a teensy bit disappointed there is only one baby in there. I really miss the twin baby stuff (I won't get into the twin kid social drama stuff, because you said you wanted to hear the good stuff and you have a while to go before you get there yet  )

[gozal]

Guys, these stories are AMAZING. Thank you so much for sharing them with me! They are definitely helping me through the overwhelmed moments. It's normal to go between overjoyed and overwhlemed all day long, right? Right now overjoyed is definitely winning out.