am I the only one who is stunned by people who post their kid's birthday party photos to Facebook...

[indigosky]

Goodness knows, I don't expect my kid (currently age 4) to get invited to the birthday party of every kid we know, or even of every kid she occasionally gets together to play with. But I do find it in poor taste for the parents of other kids to post birthday party photos to Facebook, so I can be reminded that we weren't invited. The next time we went to their house to play, they wouldn't pull out a photo album and thrust it in my lap, saying, "Here are the photos from X's last birthday party! Doesn't it look like they were having so much fun?" and then let me admire the photos of mutual acquaintance children. Seems to me that posting the photos to FB is awfully similar.

If people were more nuanced, they could block me (and other uninviteds) from seeing these photos. Or post them only to the parents of kids who are in them and out-of-town friends and relatives.

Again, I'm not hurt about not being invited. We all struggle to keep the size of our kids' parties manageable. But I thought the custom was that one didn't remind others of social gatherings they weren't invited to, unless you're a celebrity or something.

Am I crazy?

[Learning_Mum]

Yeah, I think you're taking it way to personally.

[4evermom]

Oh, I know what you mean. Facebook is awkward that way. People even forget who all are on their friends list and might see what they post (seriously, that happens to me).

[mamaclukey]

Really? It never even occurred to me to be bothered by that.

[Imakcerka]

I only get annoyed when I wanted to at least be notified of the Birthday so that I could send a gift.  Eh... I'm weird.

[SweetSilver]

I try to be mindful that most of the pictures I post are for my family.  They are the ones who want to see the pictures and my friends are well aware of that.  I am also mindful of talking about parties, even things like riding lessons that their friends can't afford.  

I think it is overreacting a bit to this.  You say you aren't upset that you weren't invited, yet you are ruffled about the possible faux pas of posting pictures of the party you weren't invited to, so much so that you are enlisting opinions from other mamas on this thread.  

I don't think you would have minded so much about this if you had indeed been invited.

[bznadk]

I'd be peeved about posting pictures of kids on facebook without permission from parents, esp. if the kids are identified.

[bznadk]

I'd be peeved about posting pictures of kids on facebook without permission from parents, esp. if the kids are identified.

[mamazee]

Well it isn't reasonable for them to invite every local kid they know, generally, and it is reasonable for them to want to share photos with family. I would let this slide off my back if I were you. You will be on both sides of the "I'd love to invite 20 but I can only invite 10" party issue at some point or another. Everyone is. It's just part of life and kids' parties. They can't always invite you, and you won't always be able to invite them.

[Polliwog]

My daughter had her birthday party on Sunday and I posted FB pictures right after. If there was someone I thought would expect to be invited (and wasn't,) I would have hidden the pictures from that person, but that wasn't the case.

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by bznadk 

I'd be peeved about posting pictures of kids on facebook without permission from parents, esp. if the kids are identified.

This is the issue that irks me more than would pictures from a party I wasn't invited to.  

[Masel]

We've mostly had family parties. DD1 has cousins about her age. It never occured to me that someone would assume that it was a friend party they were not invited to. What a sad way to live.

[porcelina]

FB is just awkward! I remember feeling the same thing once! I got over it pretty quickly, though. But, now, even if you are blocked from seeing something, you can still see it through posts from your friends in common who are not blocked (like if they posted a comment on one of the photos). There is really no privacy, and we really just have to accept that it is a new world as long as FB is the primary source of sharing photos! Privacy will most likely be more and more of an issue with FB (it has already gotten worse and worse)!

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by porcelina 

FB is just awkward! I remember feeling the same thing once! I got over it pretty quickly, though. But, now, even if you are blocked from seeing something, you can still see it through posts from your friends in common who are not blocked (like if they posted a comment on one of the photos). There is really no privacy, and we really just have to accept that it is a new world as long as FB is the primary source of sharing photos! Privacy will most likely be more and more of an issue with FB (it has already gotten worse and worse)!

How would you feel if instead of seeing it on your home page you saw it in a comment from your friend's home page or some other scenario?  And knowing that these pictures of the party you weren't invited to were also not sent to you?  I know this is a big "what if?" but I agree, FB is awkward.  I feel like I am standing by myself in a giant store and blurt out to no one "Well, today we got a new dog!" and maybe someone answers.  Very strange!
 

[LynnS6]

Way too personally, I think. Facebook is more of a conversation, not a formal showing of stuff. I wouldn't be too happy for my kids' pictures to be posted by someone else, but I wouldn't think to be offended by pictures other people posted that weren't about me. Now, I don't really get FB anyway, so maybe it's just me.

Edited by LynnS6 - 2/24/12 at 9:57pm

[Caracol8]

This blogpost http://offbeatmama.com/2012/02/facebook-and-kids-parties from Offbeat Mama might help you understand why some people post their party photos.  They could waste their time making sure no eggshells are broken or they can assume their friends will behave like adults and deal with it.

[nstewart]

Originally Posted by bznadk 

I'd be peeved about posting pictures of kids on facebook without permission from parents, esp. if the kids are identified.

This is what would bug me, but if DS didn't get invited to a friend's kids birthday?  And I saw pics on FB?  I expect him not to be invited at some point.  Not a big deal, and why shouldn't the person be able to share pics with friends and family?

[indigosky]

Originally Posted by nstewart 

I expect him not to be invited at some point.  Not a big deal, and why shouldn't the person be able to share pics with friends and family?

Wow, this sort of makes me feel like I'm some sort of Emily Post old-fashioned type, all obsessed with manners and etiqutte.

Of course I expect DD not to be invited to all parties. And of course we've already made decisions year after year not to invite everyone ourselves. I could care less. That's not rude at all, not a big deal at all.

And of course people can share pics with friends and family -- we do that, too! We email them. To me, that's the polite way to do it. The FB method just seems downright rude to me, as if people are throwing the rules (the same rules the same parents play by on the playground and at potlucks) out the window. I would think, if they would be uncomfortable discussing a party in front of friends who they know weren't there (and I've watch people navigate conversations very carefully and politely around this in person more than once), the same rules would apply on Facebook. I guess I'm just less likely to accept "Facebook is just awkward" when it's not so hard to make it less awkward, like not posting party photos. But clearly I'm not in the majority on this one!

[rainbringer]

OP, this gets to me some times too.  Dd isn't invited to many parties and on a bad week, seeing all those happy pictures can hurt.  As I've gotten more used to facebook, it bothers me less.  I try to be careful not to do this myself though.

[VocalMinority]

I guess it depends how wide your FB friends circle is; what your privacy settings are; how social your kid(s) is(are); and how big your parties are.

Personally, I like to throw big birthday bashes.  And I'm not one of those people who becomes FB friends with everyone I'm acquainted with, only people I really like and am genuinely interested in hearing from (and who seem to reciprocate).  I also have restrictive settings on who can view photos I post.  So, I think it's safe for me to say that everyone on FB in a position to see my kids' birthday party pics - who would reasonably expect to have their kid invited, and/or who invites my kid to their parties - did have their kid invited.  And posting party pics on FB allows me to share a bit of the celebration with out-of-town relatives who couldn't attend.  In fact, I usually make some sort of goofy slide-show and post a link to it.  I often get thank-yous from family members, saying it felt like they were there.  I hope I haven't hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't think I have.

On the other hand, I'm always reminding our kids to consider everyone they're addressing, when they post things on FB.  In the same vein, I think adults who are FB friends with all the parents who have ever had children in their kids' classes need to be considerate, when they post pictures of parties that only included a select few.  It seems like basic manners.

And you can always block things you post, from certain people.  I'm still FB friends with my brother's ex-GF, who was like a part of the family for years.  But when I posted pics from my brother's wedding to somebody else, I blocked her from seeing them.  It's not mean.  She didn't know she was blocked from anything.  It's easy enough to do.

Edited by VocalMinority - 2/25/12 at 1:55pm