or Connect
Mothering › Groups › May 2012 Birth Club › Discussions › a very quick and sad update

a very quick and sad update - Page 2

post #21 of 45

Thoughts and prayers headed your way! You are a strong mama and I have a good feeling your son is just as strong!

post #22 of 45
Thinking of you - sending love and hugs and strength!
post #23 of 45
Thread Starter 

thank you all so much!!!

I am still in the hospital, though the rumor right now is that I'm being discharged today due to "lack of progress". Somehow I thought I'd be happier about going home, but the thought scares me to death. 

(Rant warning, because I am really upset and unhappy right now)

 

I'm having a really hard time with all of this, especially as it's made it abundantly clear to my husband and I, just how much we mean to our families, who can't even manage to come visit, let alone help.

 

So besides being here alone, and wanting to see my husband and daughter, I'm feeling increasingly abandoned by my family. Most of the people we've asked for help have either flat out said that they can't, or have given us excuse after excuse and then tried to tell us how guilty they feel so we'll assuage their guilt by saying it's okay. Which, of course, we do.

 

DH told me last night that his work will not give him parental leave with pay, and that means he has to go back to work on Monday. Meaning no one is available to watch our daughter but me, or social services. (Guess how excited I am about that prospect???) He tried to calm me down by reassuring me that when the baby comes he'll take time off, but I don't think he understands how long of a NICU stay we're facing right now if he does come!!!
 

I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of confusion. Between too much personal experience and not enough information from my doctors and nurses, I'm at the end of my mental tether. They've been giving me ativan to help me sleep, but I can't stay on it long term, and I can't take it if I'm home alone with my daughter.

 

Being here this long has really reenforced for me why I do not want a hospital birth in the first place. The big clincher came when they told me that if I refused the antibiotic ointment in his eyes when he's born, they're required by hospital policy to call Children's Aid and make a report. Since I really don't want to deal with them, I said to not bother writing it down and that I will make my case when he's born. (I'm deathly allergic to the antibiotic they use, and do not want him having it in case he carries enough of my antibodies that will make him sick. Doesn't matter, they still call.)

 

Too long didn't read version: I"m a whiny, miserable, frustrated momma who is getting no answers and may be sent home today.

post #24 of 45

Oh Jen...I don't even know what to say to all of that. I wish I was in Canada to come help.

post #25 of 45

:(  That sounds awful.  I'm sorry your family is being so difficult.  :(  Still praying for you guys!

post #26 of 45

Jynx- can you say you'll do the abx in the eyes by yourself? And then just "miss" his eyes? A lot of hospital staff doesn't want to make it an issue, and wouldn't think you're a bad parent for refusing it, and can turn a blind eye. I've heard of some parents doing that.

 

Family and being alone- oh my gosh, that's terrible. That amount of stress is definitely no good in the situation you're currently in. I don't know anyone in that area now or I'd find someone to help you in some way.

 

Not understanding what's going on would definitely stress me out as well. For all hospitals and medical people think that they understand birth and what makes things happen, there are so many unknowns. I hope you can at least get some clear answers or peace before they send you home, if that does happen.

 

 

post #27 of 45

Sorry for all this stress, Jynx.  I'm sure it will be nice to get to rest in your own bed, but you definitely need some help.  I don't suppose you belong to a church you can ask for help from or neighbors?  Sad that your families won't step in, do they live far away?  Could they maybe chip in financially so you can hire someone at least?  Sorry, just rambling ideas that you've probably thought of yourself.  I hate to hear you going through this without support.  I hope you are able to get the rest you need and that baby decides to stay put for several more weeks.  ((((HUGS))))

post #28 of 45

<<<Hugs>>> I'm sorry for all of this stress. This is definitely a time to just do whatever makes things easiest for you regarding your daughter - if that means watching Dora all day, every day for the rest of next week, that's really okay! I hope your next few days are as stress-free as possible under the circumstances. I wish I lived near you to help, and I hope you'll be able to get some help to make things easier soon. Sending healing energy to you.goodvibes.gif

post #29 of 45

((hugs)) jynx, I hope you guys can get some help! 

post #30 of 45

Awwww J hug2.gif sending hugs and prayers, so sorry you are having this stress. If you are going home maybe they think you are NOT going to go into labor as they said...so that is good? right?

Then you LO can stay as long as possible in his snuggly womb. Can you follow up with your nursemidwife or OB maybe they will have a different opnion? Sending healing prayers your way!!!

post #31 of 45
Thread Starter 

Just wanted to update:
I am home now, and safely ensconced on my couch again. I still have some bleeding, but since they can't find a reason for it, and the baby did well on his biophysical ultrasound, I guess they're not as worried as they were Thursday night.

 

The same can not be said for my husband who is jumping at every noise I make and meticulously plotting routes to the local hospital and hospitals in Toronto.

 

The nurse we had on Saturday night told us that unless I am hemorraging (sp?) or the baby is crowning, we should do everything in our power to get to Toronto's hospital, because they can't guarantee where I'll end up to deliver. Apparently in Ontario it's an arbitrary system. You end up where they have room for you, and that could well be Buffalo New York if they can't find a hospital in your province, and while your baby will be sent back to the closest children's hospital, you have to make your own way home.

 

So we're going to aim for Mount Sinai in Toronto, because that's the best place I know and it's closest to Sick Kids.

 

And that's where it all stands. The doctors here are just waiting for me to go into labor. I'm not on any meds, and unless they just haven't told me, there are no special plans or tests in place in the coming weeks.

 

On the family front, I don't know what we're going to do. DH's parents came for a visit Sunday but seemed uncomfortable the whole time and left after about an hour and a half. They told us just before they left that they're going to buy a crib for us and have it delivered in the next week or so. My dad is still in a panic, I think because it brings up his and my mom's own premature babies, especially the ones that never made it home. My step mom is in guilt mode and knows she should help, but is tied up with my sister whose behaviour keeps getting worse and worse.  So we seem to be on our own when it comes to support.

 

Mentally, I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst and everything in between. It's not been an easy few days.

post #32 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by JynxGirl View Post

Just wanted to update:
I am home now, and safely ensconced on my couch again. I still have some bleeding, but since they can't find a reason for it, and the baby did well on his biophysical ultrasound, I guess they're not as worried as they were Thursday night.

 

The same can not be said for my husband who is jumping at every noise I make and meticulously plotting routes to the local hospital and hospitals in Toronto.

 

The nurse we had on Saturday night told us that unless I am hemorraging (sp?) or the baby is crowning, we should do everything in our power to get to Toronto's hospital, because they can't guarantee where I'll end up to deliver. Apparently in Ontario it's an arbitrary system. You end up where they have room for you, and that could well be Buffalo New York if they can't find a hospital in your province, and while your baby will be sent back to the closest children's hospital, you have to make your own way home.

 

So we're going to aim for Mount Sinai in Toronto, because that's the best place I know and it's closest to Sick Kids.

 

And that's where it all stands. The doctors here are just waiting for me to go into labor. I'm not on any meds, and unless they just haven't told me, there are no special plans or tests in place in the coming weeks.

 

On the family front, I don't know what we're going to do. DH's parents came for a visit Sunday but seemed uncomfortable the whole time and left after about an hour and a half. They told us just before they left that they're going to buy a crib for us and have it delivered in the next week or so. My dad is still in a panic, I think because it brings up his and my mom's own premature babies, especially the ones that never made it home. My step mom is in guilt mode and knows she should help, but is tied up with my sister whose behaviour keeps getting worse and worse.  So we seem to be on our own when it comes to support.

 

Mentally, I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst and everything in between. It's not been an easy few days.


I'm glad that you're home!  And that you're not on any meds, that seems like a good sign.  Sorry your family is still not being helpful, but at least your hubby seems to be doing everything he can to make you comfy.  Hopefully your family will decide to pitch in and help you soon though! 

 

Hang in there!!  luxlove.gif 

post #33 of 45

Welcome home! So glad you're able to be in your own space. I'm sure the ability to relax fully in your own home will help...there's no serious relaxing in a hospital bed. I'm glad your dh is taking good care of you. Healthy baby thoughts coming your way!

post #34 of 45

I'm glad you're home, but I'm sorry for the stress of not knowing what's going on.  hug2.gif

 

Did they give you steroid shots for the baby's lungs? 

post #35 of 45

I don't know what to say except you're still in my thoughts and prayers, Jen. Keep updating us as you can.

post #36 of 45

Just praying your LO will stay put for many more weeks to come, but just as a precaution, as pp asked what about steriod shot for babys lungs? prayers!

post #37 of 45
Thread Starter 

Sky - they did the celestone shots almost a week ago now. (Or was it two... time is starting to blur on me...) Apparently they don't need to be repeated, which is good. :)

 

 

post #38 of 45

Good! we are all putting out  "stay put baby" prayers praying.gifsmile.gif

post #39 of 45

how are things going?! I'm thinking about you daily!

post #40 of 45
Thread Starter 

So far, everything has been going really well. :) My contractions and bleeding actually stopped for about three days, but have started up again, which sucks a lot, but at the same time, has kind of become a rhythm for us. I have a few bad contractions a day, and then mostly just cramping. The bleeding is still old blood, and until it becomes bright red or copious, I'm trying to remind myself every day that I can feel the baby moving, and moving a lot, so he is okay.

It's a complicated peace I've found with my situation.

  Return Home
  Back to Forum: May 2012 Birth Club
Mothering › Groups › May 2012 Birth Club › Discussions › a very quick and sad update