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TTA (trying to adopt) Chat Thread - Page 6

post #101 of 262

Hi all! I thought I'd jump in. We're still going to TTC bio children, but we've started the process of TTA through the foster care system. Our first MAPP classes are next week and the homestudy will start a few weeks after that.

post #102 of 262
Thread Starter 
We've recently actually made the first step to go to an informational meeting about fostering and adopting...where they go over everything and give you contact info for the various agencies that work with the state.

But we also got a bit of a surprise. Despite preventative measures, we found out that I am pregnant again!! After our three losses last year we had decided we were done with trying for any more bio children...but hadn't taken permanent measures yet...and evidently we fit the small percentage that prove that preventative measures are not foolproof!! So depending on how this pregnancy goes (if it lasts or not) we may be putting our plans to adopt on hold....but we will still pursue it in the future no matter what.
post #103 of 262

Welcome rs11!  I am looking forward to hearing about your journey TTC or TTA!


Congrats Rainey Daye!   biggrinbounce.gif  I guess the universe had other plans for you right now! 



My parents are visiting right now and my sis and law and her two kids (3 and 4 mo.) are coming to visit next week.  Her baby will be the first to use the crib I bought for my homestudy.   It is nice to be surrounded by family and I can't wait for mine to be bigger!

post #104 of 262

Congrats Rainey Daye! I'm sending thoughts of peace for you during this time.


We are just waiting for "the" phone call saying we've been matched with a birth mother. It could happen any day (I keep telling myself)!


DH set up the crib and changing table last month to make it seem more real. DS (5) wanted to buy baby clothes the other day at Kohl's. I had to remind him we don't know if we'll get a boy or a girl!


It seems like it's taking forever...but I keep trusting in providential timing.


I enjoy reading updates from you guys!

post #105 of 262

Welcome rs11! Congrats on both pieces of news, Rainy Daye!

post #106 of 262

bstandlee - how long have you been waiting so far?   I am just trying to keep track of everyone's info.  


AFM - hubby and I had the discussion this morning about how long we are going to wait until pursuing other options...   not as far as ART but maybe we should go with a private agency rather than working with the county.   Every single timeline they've given us has been way off base and I truly hate all the lack of communication.    We decided if we haven't had our state inspection by November 1, we are going to start over with a foster family agency.     We made our original (informed) decision to follow this route in November 2011, at that point, we signed up for orientation for which there was a 3 month waiting list.  We had heard that it was a long process but I do feel like after 2 years of TTC and 1 year of TTA, I am tired of waiting.   Not too mention, people in our MAPP class are already done their inspections and homestudy and are just waiting on "the call."  We just were assigned an unfortunate state analyst.   

post #107 of 262

PoorUglyHappy, we have had our profile active since February 2012. I'm not sure how many times it's been shown though. We are going through a private agency. We started the process in August 2011, so it took us 6 months to get our homestudy and everything involved with getting our family profile "active" (longer than I thought it would!) and now we've been ready and waiting 6 months. I keep hearing about "quick" adoption experiences and wonder how on earth that happens for anybody!

post #108 of 262

Congrats Rainey Daye.


Welcome RS11 and bstandlee.


PoorUglyHappy, I hope you find a solution that works for you guys. Waiting and lack of communication is no fun. I like our agency. They are willing to talk to us anytime, and we can ask them how many times our profile has been shown.


AFM. Our HS got put off till Saturday. I just want to get it over with.

post #109 of 262

Tomorrow is the big day. Our home looks great but the stress has left me grumpy. Lets just get this over with already.

post #110 of 262

PoorUglyHappy-We waited 9 months from the time we went active until the day our son was born (domestic adoption).  We are bringing home our daughter through an international adoption in October (YEAH) and that took almost 4 years!!!

post #111 of 262

Excitedtobemom - 9 months is fast!   I've heard international adoptions take a lot longer which seems to be true in your case as well.   I am not sure I am willing to wait that long for #1 - I am getting impatient. 


MountainMama - so how did it go??!!

post #112 of 262

Excited: That is fast! International adoption didn't use to take so long. I know a couple who adopted from China about 12 years ago now and it took them 6 months from start to finish.


Our classes have started and seem to be going well. We have our first homestudy visit in about two weeks. This is supposed to be the safety inspection, but we're both really nervous about it and my partner is getting very, very stressed out about having everything around the house done in time.

post #113 of 262

I found it as fun as a pap smear. The inspection of our home itself was easy and over in about 5 min, but then the talking began. So many personal and I mean personal questions. I really feel I had my privacy invaded. I mean I consented to the violation, but it I still felt so raw and vulnerable afterward. It was a hard day of having to remember the not so nice stuff about my childhood, and young adulthood. I didnt have the best upbringing, and I was a out of control as a young adult. I have had therapy as needed, but I still felt a little ashamed of my life. I know the SW working wasnt judging me, but she still has to report everything I said. We still have one more meeting with her on Friday, and then she will put the report together. 

post #114 of 262

MountainMama - at least its over, right?   I might have mentioned this before but California requires a separate safety inspection with a state analyst from our home study with our case worker.   So our first inspection is all safety stuff and having the car seats/beds/space/dressers.  There are some strange requirements like having a fireplace gate around our wall heater (which is our only heater) and having a lock & key on our knife drawer.  

post #115 of 262
I am sure that it went just fine, MountainMama.

But a word of advice for the future - don't feel you have to share your personal traumas with social workers. Unless you've got some sort of paper trail that you need to justify (juvie record, multiple divorces), generic responses are better. A social worker is not your shrink and not your friend, and you should maintain your boundaries. I really doubt that there is any difficult thing from your childhood, the knowledge of which will help your social worker to do a better job on your case. They HAVE to ask those questions. Most of them are secretly hoping for generic answers that introduce no complications.
post #116 of 262

Well after friday it will be over. Its not even the SW that approves us. She just writes the report and the agency is the one that approves us. So its like being judged twice. Hopefully we will be on the waiting list by october. Then the waiting begins. The months and months of waiting. *sigh* I havent had anxiety about this process till now. The really messed up thing, is they separated my husband and I to ask us some of these questions. So you are answering them, trying to be generic, but wondering what your partner will say. If there is a discrepency she points it out. My husband ratted me out for having the occasional cigarette while drinking. lol. 

post #117 of 262

Wow, they separated you?


Don't panic - it really will be fine. They aren't looking to bust potential foster families unless there is some huge issue. But as you've just found out, sometimes you have to approach conversations with social workers like they're interrogations. 


FWIW, I have had three placements in the last 18 months and after my homestudy was approved, there were no intrusive questions again - not even on the annual re-approval. They asked if the cops had been to my house. That's pretty much it. 

post #118 of 262

It does sound like an interrogation!   I think that would make me very anxious.   However, I am sure you will be approved.   If they rejected people for an occasional cigarette (or the like) - no one would be adopting!   

post #119 of 262

Our second meeting went much better. We talked a little bit about marriage and we also talked about the risks we are willing to take with the birth mom and the baby. She submitted a preliminary report form our first meeting to the agency and they said it was all good, because I get help when I need it. They do want me to submit a physical yearly (I have crohns) when we are on the list, which I thought was fair. She thanked us for working so hard that first day, because most of the time it takes about 2 days to get through what we went through.


She is going to email me a report and she says if there is the wrong twist on something in our story, to let her know what we would like changed. She says her goal is to tell our story as accurately as possible so we get a good match.

post #120 of 262

That sounds great. You are lucky to be able to review the narrative before she submits it. I've never seen a word that any social worker has ever written about me, although I expect that "neurotic" and "high expectations" and "Jew" are frequently mentioned. shy.gif Whatever they think, it certainly hasn't kept them from placing children with us! 

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