Welcome to the thread Newbian Mama. I found that moving from TTC to adoption took a lot of pressure off me. It can be stressful too, but its a different stress. I am so much happier now.
My oldest is going to a residential early college for kids skipping the last two years of high school. Its kind of crazy to think about, since he's not even 16 until the end of the month!
My kids came to me via fostering. If you search my posts you can probably find my whole big long story but i was initially trying to adopt (not foster) a school age boy (started the process when my oldest was 9) but it took forever. My agency sucked. So i switched agencies and got a foster license instead, since i was told that where i live most available kids are adopted by foster parents or relatives (like, over 90 percent!) Unlike my first agency which homestudied me very quickly, my next agency took forever to even start the foster licensing process. I think my initial class was in the spring, and it wasnt until the following Jan that i got my license. But within a month of getting it, i was placed with my first adopted son, who was three weeks at the time. That was a dream placement in that it went to adoption very quickly and i finalized before he was 11 months old. Then...i got no more calls. Finally i inquired with the agency and it turns out i was "on hold" in error with them. Once i fixed that, i got a call for a baby girl who stayed two months (i knew it would be temporary), then a month after she left, i got the call for what was to be my second adopted son. I thought HE would be temporary but the goal changed to adoption shortly after he arrived, and rights were terminated seven months after he was placed with me. It was more than a YEAR after that however that we could finalize (because the second agency turned out to suck too. Looong crazy story.) In that time his older half-sister (who had been with relatives, then in a foster home) was placed with my as a foster but with the goal of adoption. We've been finalized for for almost 1.5 years now. I am hoping to start the process again soon (dreading it though) because i'd like at least one, maybe two, kids (probably boys) younger than my youngest ones. I REALLY really really dont want to foster again though, unless its one of those cases where its going almost straight to adoption.
Where i live most people work through private agencies that place state children. I'm trying to decide who i will go with this time. Each agency has its own caseload of kids (which are ultimately supervised by the county), so its likely i'd adopt from that agency's "pool" of children but once i have an actual approved homestudy (mine is too old now to use) i could adopt any available child even one from another state. Right now there is a sib set of three boys on my state photolisting (3 yr old and his twin 1 yr old brothers) that im dying for, but its not going to happen. I'm sure they will be matched quickly and im probably crazy to even think adding THREE more right now is a good idea but a houseful of boys sounds like so much fun.
What ages are you thinking about adopting? I've had some issues with my 10 yr old, and am not keen on adopting an "older" child again any time soon. (She was 8 at placement.)
Hello, hello, hello! It feels so good to have a reason to be back on MDC. I've been here before, a long time ago, when I was TTC#1. After a couple cycles of donor insemination using different donors. I decided to take a break and reevaluate my priorities. I certainly wanted to be pregnant and experience the joys and the challenges but I wanted to parent a child more than anything so I decided to adopt. I'd always thought I would eventually adopt anyway, it just didn't happen they way I thought. After interviewing a couple of non-profit adoption agencies I chose one that places children from foster care into adoptive homes. I've completed the orientation and the interview and now I am in the stage of training, applications, and background checks. I hope to matched by this time next year.
I've been reading the archives and I feel like I'm learning so much. Thank you all for your open and honest posts.
Hi! My parents adopted my 2 sisters and brother in AND I adoopted my two oldest daughters from foster care in 2005. Then a good friend of mine adopted from foster care as a single mom in 2010. Just be ready for times that are NOT easy, but it is worth it. Adopting our girls was one of the best things we have ever done. Be prepared to ask LOTS of questions and stay on top of the state/agency. Feel free to ask any questions... I have been through this process once for myself and then 3 times with other people... :) Good luck!!!
Newbian Mama - I am so glad you are in California as well. I'd love to compare notes with how it is working through your agency. As far as receiving placements across borders, when working with DCFS, we only will receive local placements. The reason for this is that when working from foster care, prior to adoption, you will still be required to take the children for visits with their parents or extended family depending on what the courts say.
That being said, I'd go through an agency if I had to do it again. Originally, we thought, what's the difference? it's just a cheaper means to the same end. The local agencies have some fees for homestudies and other legal things that we won't have to pay. However, you get what you pay for and there is a complete lack of communication on our end. If we email our caseworker, it is unlikely that we get a response. The only way we have found we can communicate is if we keep calling her office number until we luck out and connect with her on a day she is in the office.
Friends of mine who went through a FFA was placed with a baby a week after their final approvals (and it was their second call, they turned the first down!). Technically we've already been on the waiting list for 6 months. Your name gets added to that list when you start MAPP class, not when you finish your paperwork and get final approvals. In fact, we've been told that people will sometimes get calls before they finish with the licensing. There is a steep fine for letting kids get dropped off at your house ($200 a day - I think) before you get your license though. They have the most inefficient system for tracking all of this. I am sure that it will get better as they adopt new technology. Or so I can dream. I think at a FFA they manage their cases better. Or maybe it just seems that way in a "grass is greener" kind of way.
I know that in LA County, being a single parent is fine. I don't think there is any preference given to couples over singles. What age group are you thinking about? In California, if you work somewhere that is required to give maternity leave, you also get paid family leave for foster kids who you are planning to adopt. Apparently there is some complicated paperwork for this for your caseworker but I don't know of all the details. DH and I both work full time and if either of us has to be "stay at home" it will be him. I work for the state so they have to follow all the rules which means they can steal two weeks of my vacation, there is a 7 day waiting period and the maximum time off for PFL is 6 weeks. So it is not much but this is true for each placement whether they stay or not. I think PFL pay is about 55% of your gross pay and not taxed. DH is self employed so he makes his own rules but doesn't get PFL because he doesn't have to pay CA SDI.
I don't know if the T.I.E.S program is local to LA County or not, but you should check out whether similar things exist in your county. www.tiesforadoption.ucla.edu/
That being said, I'd go through an agency if I had to do it again. Originally, we thought, what's the difference? it's just a cheaper means to the same end. The local agencies have some fees for homestudies and other legal things that we won't have to pay. However, you get what you pay for and there is a complete lack of communication on our end.
People should also be aware that in most states there is something called "reimbursement for nonrecurring adoption expenses"...the amount varies but i believe its usually in the $1500-2000/max range. I believe that you would be able to get a homestudy fee reimbursed after you finalize an adoption. (There is of course also the adoption tax credit and the cost of the homestudy or other associated adoption costs could reduce your tax liability.) My homestudy was at no cost to me, however there were court costs which were around $200 for each child, and those were reimbursed for the last two children (i guess since my first adopted child was not classified as special needs/did not get a subsidy we didnt qualify.)
I'm not really up on current law but i also do think that all foster children (whether being adopted or not) should qualify you for federal family leave, if you would otherwise qualify.
Queenjane - I know all foster children qualify for FMLA, but there is some difference for California's paid family leave (PFL) program. The state pays you through the disability insurance program so you have to have a job that you pay into the short term disability insurance plan. My social worker told me you have to make a case for it so I am not sure exactly when they will pay/not pay. I know that if you are adopting it is covered under "bonding" but short term placements are not generally covered. Who knows what they count as "short term". I think that it is determined on a case by case basis. I guess I will find out how much paperwork/red tape there is when the time comes. I just started a new job last month so I won't be eligible until next September anyway.
As far as the foster family agencies around here, I only have information from one set of friends but they had about $2000 in unrefundable expenses and they also take a percentage of their monthly stipend which for them is about $80 a month until their child is 18. My accountant also told me they are phasing out the adoption tax credit so by the time we adopt (prob in 2014) there most likely won't be any tax credit. The reimbursement for the non recurring expenses in CA is also only $400. Going through the county, I was also eligibly for the TIES program at UCLA which gives a ton of extra support and counseling for people going through the process of adopting from foster care. Basically - this was the information I had when I decided to go with the county. Since then, I keep hearing stories of people finishing up their homestudies and getting placements in less than a month through the FFAs. I am jealous. I am debating starting all over again with a FFA. I am not sure how it works in other states but here you have to forfeit your license from the state in order to go with the FFA.
Just waiting for everything to get signed off. Our report is complete. The 3rd party social worker signed it and approved us to adopt. Now the 2 social workers at the agency have to sign off, and then we get to sign it and mail it back. This can take a couple more weeks. Sigh. Soooo close. This wait is killing me. I just want to be on the list already.
MountainMamaGC - Thank you for the warm welcome. I'm glad you mentioned the stress thing. When I was TTC my cycles were perfectly normal and predictable as long as I was in the monitoring stage. As soon as I started to count days to ovulation my cycle would go insane. I didn't think I was stressed but apparently by body was. Perfomance anxiety maybe? :)
QueenJane - Okay that explains things with your son. I knew I had been gone for a couple of years but not long enough for him to hit grown man status lol. MDC has a new look, I think I left right around the time of the switchover, and I haven't yet discovered how to search by username. When I do I'll definitely look at your old posts. Thank you so much for the overview of your adoptions. It sounds like a lot of "hurry up and wait" so to speak. You're bold and brave to want more, especially littles, and especially after the challenges you've had with your daughter.
I initially wanted a baby, less than 3 months then I opened up to a toddler, then school-age and now my age range is 0-9. It's not in stone until I complete the application which I'll get this week. I've only filled out the interest form so far and they assured me I wouldn't be held to the ages or gender (I chose either). I can see myself parenting each age but it definitely depends on the child's backstory and challenges. I kind of feel like since I'd be a new, first-time mother that I should start with a baby but then 6 and up means they're already in school and I don't have to worry about the high cost of daycare. What types of issues have you had with your 10y/o? If you've already shared and don't feel like typing again, I can search the archives. DId you feel pressured by the social workers to parent her because you already had your son? Based on your experience would you recommend a "cut-off" age or a certain number of moves/placements?
The agency I'm using has fost-adopt and concurrent planning programs. I am not interested in becoming a foster parent at all though so plan to only accept a child who is already legally free (which I've heard is rare here) or one who is almost there. My family fostered for all of my adolescent and teenage years and I'm not interested in going through that again!
Mnmoore3 - Cute profile pic! That's great that you have an entire circle of friends and family who've adopted from foster care. The first piece of advice I've gotten from most people is usually to stay on top of the social workers! I'm good at following up but I'm not so agressive... we'll see how much that changes in the next year or so :) How old were your siblings when they came home? How old were your girls and are they bio siblings? I'm deathly afraid (!) of adopting more than one this first time although I know there are a lot of sibling sets available. Oh, and welcome to MDC!
PUH - That makes sense about staying local so the kids can still have first family visits, appts, etc, I'll have to ask my agency how they handle that since they place kids in about 20 counties. Does the county do concurrent planning? If so there's a really good podcast (fosterpdcast.com) that talks about concurrent planning and placements form a first person POV. The couple who created the podcast are very religious,Christian but I can't think of the sect, maybe Evangelist. I'm far from either of those and it didn't bother me. I learned a lot from them and it was nice to hear a real-world point of view. While I'm on the subject, another great podcast is Creating a Family (creatingafamily.org). The host bugs to no end (I'll spare you the details) but she has terrific guests who speak about attachement, adopting from foster care, transracial adoption (unfortunately always White families adopting minorty children), and adoptees. It's quite interesting and I always learn something or end up buying a book they discuss. And I fast forward when the host speaks :)
The amount the agency's charge seem to vary here from free to about $800. I think the FFA have less social workers on staff but also less clients. I know for my agency I had to meet with the social worker for 2 hours then be approved by committee to even move on to the next step of application and background checks. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with your social worker. Can you request a new one? I don't know if that would help but I know compatibility helps in any relationship.
The first agency I spoke with said there is a high likelihood that parents could get matched with a child before all paperwork is finished. The child can't come live with you yet but you'll already have a child and can start visiting. That's crazy to me (in a good way!) and I'll bet it happens through the county too. I know when my mom did fostercare a long time ago (not fost/adopt) she started getting calls on her way home from the final visit with the social worker. Yes, the system is ineffieicent, broken, slow but that's why they need more awesome people like all of us! You'll get your kiddo and you'll look back at this time period like it flew by. What are the age ranges you're requesting. I've heard that can have an impact on waiting times as well as the kind of challenges you're willing to accept. A social worker at my agency told me they simply don't have a lot of children available now which is a great thing for kids although I thought there were lots of kids all the time.
I'll check out the T.I.E.S. program after I get some work done :) I'm not sure when I'll take leave (when the child first comes home, after finialization?) but I'm happy for CA's partially-paid leave. My empolyer requires us to use 2 weeks of vacation time first too which is fine because it gets me through the first week of non-paid waiting time. As far as the federal adoption credit is concerened, no one know which way it is going. There's currently a lobby pushing to have it permanent and refundable to all families. If the current credit is allowed to sunset, it returns to a $6000 (ish) credit for the adoption of children classified as special needs which is what it was orignially created for; it does not go away completely. Eighty dollars seems really low for a monthly stipened. How old was the child at finalization?
If you start over at an FFA does your homestudy port or do you have to complete another one from scratch? That may be something to consider.
Just waiting for everything to get signed off. Our report is complete. The 3rd party social worker signed it and approved us to adopt. Now the 2 social workers at the agency have to sign off, and then we get to sign it and mail it back. This can take a couple more weeks. Sigh. Soooo close. This wait is killing me. I just want to be on the list already.
Congratulations on your approval! I hope you have the report in the mail by the end of the month.
MountainMama - Yay! for forward progress! you are almost on the list. Are you requesting a specific age/gender? How long is the wait usually in your area?
Newbian - Sorry it was late when I was typing my last post. The $80 is what the FFA takes from their stipend every month. I cannot request a new social worker at this point. After I finish the homestudy process, it is an option. However, my social worker is wonderful and hard working. The county is just ridiculously understaffed. It isn't her fault. They aren't allowed to work overtime and her current backlog for new families is about 7 to 8 months. Imagine being 7 to 8 months behind in your work! I have a ton of sympathy for her. It is just the state of affairs in California. When we started her backlog was 3 to 6 months. Then 6 people were laid off from her office. Things have just gotten crazy at DCFS since the start of the year when I started this process. We would have to start over from scratch if we changed to an agency but I think the process would still be faster. When I think about it, I am not really in a rush... just frustrated with all the
You are right about the placements happening before paperwork is finished. There was a couple in my TIES class last night that this is exactly what happened to them. Unfortunately, they have the same social worker as we do, so they will have to wait a couple more months before they can let the children into their home.
Every child that we will be placed with will be in concurrent planning. As an adoptive family, the current rate of children who are not eventually adopted via this path is about 15-20%. We will have a chance that the child will go back to the bio family but it is less than if you were a foster family.
Thanks for clarifying about the AAP. Do you know why the FFA takes $80? I've heard either the FFA pays AAP on top of what the state pays or they pay what the state would've paid you. I haven't been able to confirm this though. It really doesn't matter to me because AAP was a surprise in and of itself.
I'm sorry if I misread before about your social worker. I definitely empathize with gov't employees having their hands tied. It's quite unfortunate because it leaves the most vulnerable in the lurch. That really sucks for the couple in your class to be matched but can't take any action. That must be heart-wrenching.
Maybe all counties are the same now, requiring concurrent placement. It is much better for the kids if it means not moving around so much before going home, or already knowing their adoptive parents for a long time before the adoption happens.The agency I'm using asks for for families who want to adopt a child under 4 and non-speclal needs to do concurrent planning. It seems that a child over 3 is considered old in foster care.
AFM - I'm just waiting for the application. The application person is on vacation until today and I imagine it will take a few days after that to get back on track. So I'm waiting... patiently... or so I tell myself.
MountainMama - Yay! for forward progress! you are almost on the list. Are you requesting a specific age/gender? How long is the wait usually in your area?
Newbian - Sorry it was late when I was typing my last post. The $80 is what the FFA takes from their stipend every month. I cannot request a new social worker at this point. After I finish the homestudy process, it is an option. However, my social worker is wonderful and hard working. The county is just ridiculously understaffed. It isn't her fault. They aren't allowed to work overtime and her current backlog for new families is about 7 to 8 months. Imagine being 7 to 8 months behind in your work! I have a ton of sympathy for her. It is just the state of affairs in California. When we started her backlog was 3 to 6 months. Then 6 people were laid off from her office. Things have just gotten crazy at DCFS since the start of the year when I started this process. We would have to start over from scratch if we changed to an agency but I think the process would still be faster. When I think about it, I am not really in a rush... just frustrated with all the
You are right about the placements happening before paperwork is finished. There was a couple in my TIES class last night that this is exactly what happened to them. Unfortunately, they have the same social worker as we do, so they will have to wait a couple more months before they can let the children into their home.
Every child that we will be placed with will be in concurrent planning. As an adoptive family, the current rate of children who are not eventually adopted via this path is about 15-20%. We will have a chance that the child will go back to the bio family but it is less than if you were a foster family.
PoorUglyHappy, our current placement is a concurrent-planning case. And we just found out that we are on the docket for early November, and that the state will be requesting to switch the case plan to TPR.
I had a frustrating phone call today.
I've been mulling over adopting again but just dreading the whole process so was putting it off. Yesterday i finally put a call into one agency that i'd heard good things about, and she called me back today. In a nutshell she said since i dont want a child six or older that they really won't work with me, and that even their foster unit is only licensing for five and up. Great. It was a very awkward conversation. i was hoping that since i was an experienced parent who had already adopted three kids from foster care, one who was older, that i would have a bit more leeway (i'm sure they get people calling all the time who are like "can i adopt a baby??" so i can see them not wanting to waste time with people who only want a healthy infant)...but nope. She didnt even invite me to attend an orientation or anything. Even when i name dropped some social workers names who used to be with my agency and moved over to them it got me nowhere (im kind of kicking myself not trying to talk to those people directly) It was just weird. She couldnt even recommend an agency for me. I get the feeling if i cold call around i'll get the same brush off "we only need homes for older kids"...and i GET that. And i know its not like they have all these little ones "waiting"....but as foster placements, one of mine was 3 weeks, one was 16.5 months, i had an 11.5 month old who went to relatives, i got a call on a 12 day old that i missed out on....i KNOW infant/toddler foster placements are out there. And shortly after i was placed with the 16 month old, my adoption worker (who didnt know that was fostering again) said she had two potential placements for me, both 2 yr old girls, to choose from...but i had to turn them down because i couldnt have three kids under 2. And at that time my friends were matched with a sib group (for adoption, not foster) ages 2, 4, 5 (ended up not adopting them, long story) so i know that its possible. Obviously they have more children who are older, but im willing to wait...im willing to be flexible on the number of kids but not on age (3 and under)
So im not sure what to do. Im willing to get a homestudy and just kind of wait or keep my eye out (there's a sib group online right now that i would love to have but i dont have a current homestudy) but it looks like i might run into roadblocks even getting an agency to accept me. I decided that i might just have to foster even though i dread getting back into that craziness...but the worker wouldnt even connect me to that unit. I'll call around to more agencies tomorrow but grrr.
Our state is a concurrent planning state and they try to place all the kids into a home that is willing to adopt them if the case goes to TPR. Because of that, 90% of all adopted kids are adopted by their foster parents. You HAVE to foster here if you want a child under the age of 8; the state won't even accept adopt-only families for littles. As our worker put it, we never have them and you shouldn't waste our time or yours. No judge around here will even grant TPR on a young child unless he/she has already been placed in a pre-adoptive home.
We're foster/adopt ages 0-6 and the workers keep trying to convince us (and everyone else) to up our ages and we aren't even licensed yet!
We have three weeks of GPS classes left, one of CPR, and the final visit. Our worker told us this week to start getting the room ready because some of us will get calls before we are licensed. The impatient part of me was like "Great! It's almost here!" while the other part of me went "Holy ****! There could be a child here for Christmas!"
Mnmoore3 - Cute profile pic! That's great that you have an entire circle of friends and family who've adopted from foster care. The first piece of advice I've gotten from most people is usually to stay on top of the social workers! I'm good at following up but I'm not so agressive... we'll see how much that changes in the next year or so :) How old were your siblings when they came home? How old were your girls and are they bio siblings? I'm deathly afraid (!) of adopting more than one this first time although I know there are a lot of sibling sets available. Oh, and welcome to MDC!
Thank you for the welcome! My girls were 6 & 8 yrs old when we got thrm. They have 4 other bio siblings, ages 23 (aged out of FC), 12, 10 (both adopted by another couple) & 3 (with bio mom). One important thing if you get part of a sibling set, be open to communication/visits with the other sibling(s). We have communication with the 12 & 10 yr olds but not the other 2 (they are with bio mom). We became 1st time parents to a 6 & 8 yr old overnight. Was it easy?? NO Was it woth it? ABSOLUTELY!!! :-) Then our youngest, now 4, is our SURPRISE baby...lol
Katherine - I wonder if the FFA is just saying that to scare you off. Or if you the woman was just having a bad day. Don't let one attitude/opinio dissuade you from your goal of adopting more children. What if those boys are still waitlisted in 3-4 months? There has to be other FFA's who are willing to work with you. The agency I'm with says families can only fost-adopt if the kid is "special needs" otherwise it's concurrent planning BUT they accept anyone is wants to provide a home for a child, they just advise your wait may be a lot longer for an infant.
Please keep us posted on your progress. You wouldn't happen to be in CA, would you?
Smithie - Oh I really hope your foster son gets TPR'd too. It seems like you know him so well. I think all the moving and disruption is hard on all kids (us adults too) and we all have our breaking point. Sending positive thoughts to you boy.
RS11 - It still amazes me how different the laws are for Foster/Adoption in different states and sometimes even different counties. I think most states don't want to create legal orphans so they won't sign TPRs unless a forever family has already been identified. How exciting and overwhelming to possibly have a child by the end of the year!
MNMoore3 - Thank you for the advice. I'm definitely open to sibling and bio family communication. I think it's great for the kids to have at least one connection to thier family of orgin. The social worker I spoke with during intake asked me repeatedly if I wanted to take a sibling group. I told her no because I'm a first-time parent but apparently your family did it sucessfully. It scares the bejeezus out of me lol. Six and 8 seem to be good ages.. I'm so on the fence about ages. And congrats on your surprise baby!
How long did it take from the placement of your girls to their finalization? Were they already TPR'd when they came home or did you have to wait for that?
AFM - I'm feeling a bit indecisive about the age range I've chosen. I'm currently interviewing friends and family for their opinion but it's turning out to be a bust. Some people love babies and some people love 7 y/os.... I'm also reading tons of books and some suggest it's not just the age of a child but the number of placements/circumstances/reason for entering care, etc. to consider. I know I'm pretty far off from completing the homstudy, but I'm a planner and I want to choose correctly.
MNMoore3 - Thank you for the advice. I'm definitely open to sibling and bio family communication. I think it's great for the kids to have at least one connection to thier family of orgin. The social worker I spoke with during intake asked me repeatedly if I wanted to take a sibling group. I told her no because I'm a first-time parent but apparently your family did it sucessfully. It scares the bejeezus out of me lol. Six and 8 seem to be good ages.. I'm so on the fence about ages. And congrats on your surprise baby!
How long did it take from the placement of your girls to their finalization? Were they already TPR'd when they came home or did you have to wait for that?
Six & eight were great ages for us, but I have a VERY supportive and helpful husband, that helps a lot. Timeframe - our situation was way different than ANY others you will hear about. My mom and step dad had my girls in foster care for 3 yrs and 2 yrs prior to us getting them. (They got our oldest a yr before her sister). They were OFFICIALLY placed with us June 15, 2005 and their adoption was finalized June 30, 2005... Yes only 15 days!!!!! Since we pitched a fit with the state dragging their feet and we already knew them, saw them on a daily basis, they pushed us through as fast as they could. We found out on May 27th that we were going to be able to adopt them so we had a month & 3 days to prepare. They had ONE WEEKEND to decide on name changes so we could get it into the state in time. They chose to change their entire names, so we let them pick their new names out. :)
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