TTA (trying to adopt) Chat Thread - Page 9

[Newbian Mama]

Oh my gosh that's a crazy timeline! I just read a story two days ago about a woman who adopted the boy her parents fostered. Same situation as your but not the super speedy adoption. One weekend to choose names? Did you like the ones they chose? lol.

You mention your very supportive husband, which I don't have, which is why I don't believe I can handle a sib group yet. I do like the idea of an older child. On one hand I want to have a narrowed age range but on the other hand I want to leave it up to the agency. I don't know what to do!

[mnmoore3]

Yes we liked their names lol Actually my oldest wanted Anna Nicole.... For obvious reasons we said no so she switched it to Nicole Ann (Nicole is my middle name, Ann is my mother-in-law's middle name).  My other daughter chose Leah Dawn (Leah-she wanted a name that started with an L, was in the Bible and was pretty, Dawn is my moms middle name). Nicole's birth name was Jelluassy and Leah's was Ines.  They HATED their names and were so excited we let them change them.  They adapted INSTANTLY and NEVER called each other by the wrong name. 

My friend who adopted did so as a single mom.  She adoped a 12 y.o. and a 14 y.o.!!!!  Both girls.... She has had her hands full.  Make sure you have a good support system.  Also, our girls brother & sister were 9 mos and 20 mos when they were removed from bio family and placed with their adoptive parents and they have WAY more issues than my girld do younger doesn't always mean easier...  We loved starting out with school age kids.  :)

[Newbian Mama]

You've given me quite a lot to think about! I think with the older kids, you pretty much know what you're getting into and the younger kids are more of a gamble. But who knows, maybe I'm just hoping it's that way.

Before going into this I was adamantly opposed to changing an older child's name. I had no clue, as you and a SW have pointed out, that some kids absolutely want to change their names for a fresh start. That'll teach me to offer an opinion on something I know nothing about! Now I'm the one correct myths about the kids in foster care. But anyway, WOW to you friend who basically adopted 2 teenagers together. Kudos to her.

[mnmoore3]

Originally Posted by Newbian Mama 

You've given me quite a lot to think about! I think with the older kids, you pretty much know what you're getting into and the younger kids are more of a gamble. But who knows, maybe I'm just hoping it's that way.

Before going into this I was adamantly opposed to changing an older child's name. I had no clue, as you and a SW have pointed out, that some kids absolutely want to change their names for a fresh start. That'll teach me to offer an opinion on something I know nothing about! Now I'm the one correct myths about the kids in foster care. But anyway, WOW to you friend who basically adopted 2 teenagers together. Kudos to her.

Really with older kids you ned to let them make the decision.  But make sure they understand that t hey are "stuck" with that name forever so they really need to  like it.  It was the best thing we could have done for our girls.  It isn't for all kids, but was for them.  Another thing that SW's may not tell you is you need to request new social security #'s for kids you adopt.  If their bio parents have their ssn, they can use it for credit purposes and u won't know until its too late.  Within 15 days my girls got new parents, new house, new school, new names, new ssn's and a 2nd b-day.  :)  They were on top of the world! 

Oh and on a side note, you commented on my profile pic... I absolutely LOVE that pic... It shows the bond of 3 sisters where biology doesn't mean anything!   Our 4 year old is now starting to understand that she is the only one who grew in my tummy.  She says her sisters had a different mommy and daddy but that mommy and daddy didn't want them so a doctor adopted them to us so she would have FABULOUS big sisters...lol

[MountainMamaGC]

PUH- We do want an infant between 0-3 months, and gender doesnt matter. We are happy with either one. I used to think we were destined to have just girls, but now I find myself daydreaming about having a son. 

[Newbian Mama]

It's a great thing that your girls already knew you and your husband and you already had a bond with them. That's quite a whirlwind you had going on for 15 days!

I haven't began the mandated classes yet and no one has mentioned changing SSNs. Even when I've read about it in books/articles it only refers to children adopted internationally. It makes perfect sense to change the SSN for the reason you mentioned but I never thought about it. Did you have access to their original birth certificates? If so, are there any differences in the original and the amended one that would make it stand out? I've read that I should request the original and make a copy so the child would have it later.

I do love that pic. It has "family" written all over it. Don't you love to hear kid's talk about their understanding of the world? It sounds like she has it all figured out

[Newbian Mama]

What made you change your mind? I'm open to either gender, but then again, I 've never parented.

Originally Posted by MountainMamaGC 

PUH- We do want an infant between 0-3 months, and gender doesnt matter. We are happy with either one. I used to think we were destined to have just girls, but now I find myself daydreaming about having a son. 

[mnmoore3]

Originally Posted by Newbian Mama 

I haven't began the mandated classes yet and no one has mentioned changing SSNs. Even when I've read about it in books/articles it only refers to children adopted internationally. It makes perfect sense to change the SSN for the reason you mentioned but I never thought about it. Did you have access to their original birth certificates? If so, are there any differences in the original and the amended one that would make it stand out? I've read that I should request the original and make a copy so the child would have it later.

The only difference is the information, meaning their names, the parents names, etc.  Their birth certificates have NO info on them about their birth names, bio parents, etc.  It has their new names and our names as parents.

[MountainMamaGC]

Originally Posted by Newbian Mama 

What made you change your mind? I'm open to either gender, but then again, I 've never parented.

We have always been open to either, just had a gut feeling about having girls from way back when we were TTC #2. 

[PoorUglyHappy]

Smithie - I will be  for TPR with you!   

MountainMama - What does DD want?  Little sis or little bro?   My DH wants a boy and I could go either way but our nursery is definitely train themed - which is more of a family thing then a gender thing.   DH comes from a big model train loving family.   Doesn't matter what gender you are, you get trains for Christmas.  

QueenJane - I think that is so strange that they will only do 5 and up!    I would definitely dig more and find out if there is a full waiting list or something like that.   I would think agencies would love to work with experienced foster/adoptive parents.   I definitely got the fifth degree about being infertile when I first started talk with DCFS.  I found out later that there have been quite a few infertile women who then get preggo using ART and then want to return the foster or adoptive kids.   They were very clear on my not being able to pursue both ART and fost/adopt at the same time.  I just wonder if this sort of comment from the agency you called is meant to scare the women off who are trying to do both at the same time?

[MountainMamaGC]

PUH- My DD loves trains. She loves Thomas the Tank Engine. That was the theme of her 3rd birthday, and this year for halloween she is dressing up as Percy. She says she wants a sister, but she will be ok with a brother. The spare bedroom is painted blue, so that could be for either gender. DDs room is a buttery yellow. Off topic but I ran my first 10 K run today, so I entered my first 10K race for the end of the month. 

[Newbian Mama]

MNMoore3 - Good to know about the birth certificates. I want to protect FutureKid's privacy and still have their original bc if I can get it.

MountainMamaGC - It's good to have that reassuring got feeling.

AFM - It's nearing open enrollment time at my job and I just learned my company covers 80% of fertility expenses. Where the heck were they two years ago when I was TTC? I always thought I'd have been sucessful had I done IUI instead of ICI and now I can afford to do two or three IUI inseminations per cycle... But as soon as those thoughts flooded in, they were replaced by the thought that I could have a bio baby any old day but my child thorugh adoption may be already out there in the world, waiting for me to love them forever. So I'm sticking with my plan to adopt and I'm ver very content with that

[PoorUglyHappy]

Just a quick note - it is Wedding and Conference season for me so I am busy,busy,busy.  

We passed our safety inspection!  Woot!  We are waiting on some "lost" paperwork for our license to be finalized.

[Newbian Mama]

Congratulations on passing!! What are the next steps?

How's everyone else doing?

I finally received my application packet after I'd all but given up on the agency. I'm going to start working on it today.
 

[PoorUglyHappy]

Thanks Newbian Mama!   Our next steps are the homestudy done by the county social worker.  I don't expect that to be started until January or February.   So for now, we can relax.  Last Christmas, I was really hoping to be a mama by Christmas 2012.  However, right now, I am so overwhelmed by work, I am so glad this process is taking so long.   How is your application process going?

MountainMama - How is the waiting going?

[MountainMamaGC]

*Sigh*. We are still waiting for the agency to sign off. I just sent an email inquiring about when we should expect things to be done. 

[mnmoore3]

MountainMama and everyone else trying to patiently wait... It is so worth the wait in the end.  My advice is to stay on top of your case workers, ask questions and if you don't like the answer you get, go over their heads.  We ended up having to go to the Governors office twice and even contacted the President's office when we were adopting our daughters.  Also, the Dave Thomas foundation for Adoption was trying to help us.  Our girls bio parents were in prison and were given the right to appeal their TPR.  The appeal process in FL is supposed to last no more than 12 months.  At 18 months into the appeal process we asked "how much longer" and they said 6-9 months.  I had enough at that point.  I didn't want to foster, dealing with infertility, I couldn't imagine having them call me mommy and then be taken away.  So after about 7 weeks of going back and forth with the governors office and DCF in Tallahassee, the Governors office said "this is NUTS, end this now and let these kids have their forever family"... Hence the VERY QUICK adoption process of my girls (33 days from the day I got that phone call to finalization - the girls were legally in our care for 15 days prior to finalization and had only a weekend to decide about name changes).  Good luck in this heart breaking, mind blowing process.  The end result is worth it.  Anyone in FL adopting through fister care, feel free to ask any questions... My parents did foster care for about 18 years so I have seen a lot. 

[queenjane]

mnmoore3...were your girls every photolisted? i know you posted their original names and i swear that is so familiar to me that either i saw them on a photolisting years ago, or maybe you were on an adoption list years ago? When talking to people about name changes for older kids, one of the examples i often give is the names you listed for your daughters(spelling and everything!) Its driving me crazy trying to figure it out LOL.
 

[mnmoore3]

Queenjane... No, they were never on a photo listing.  We knew the day we met them we wanted them so there was really no need.  Have you been on any Yahoo adoption groups??

[Newbian Mama]

PUH - I'm glad to hear you can exhale now. I find it funny that I've set parenting date goals too and whenever the date gets near I think how lucky I am not to be a mom yet. It happened when I was TTC and I'm sure it'll happen during this TTA period.

Thanks for asking about me. My application process is going smoothly and is all but done. I thought I was going to have to choose the characteristics of the child I think I could best parent but that doesn't come until the homestudy and that was a lot of relief. All I need to do now is get fingerprinted, take the CPR class, and get a physical. I don't have a primary doctir so I'm in the process of finding one now. There's a space on the app which asks the physician how long they've known me. I wonder if she'll put "10 minutes"! I have a gelatinous goal to complete the application before Christmas but I need to get more specific than that.

Mountain Mama - I know it was only yesterday when you sent the email but have you heard anything back yet?

MNMoore3 - Wow your story sounds like something out of a Lifetime movie! Thank you so much for sharing. I love reading posts from the BTDT adoptive mamas because it helps my mind stay on the ultimate goal.

Queen Jane - How are you? Did you ever speak with the FFA again?