TTA (trying to adopt) Chat Thread - Page 13

[PoorUglyHappy]

Everything fell through.   I guess this is part of the adoption process as well.  It does feel similar to getting AF when TTC.  

[Smithie]

That happened to me too, PUH. Yes, that's exactly what it feels like :( Hugs to you. 

[MountainMamaGC]

How disappointing PUH. I bet it does feel similar to the TTC disappointments. Hugs. Someday you will get a child. Its not a matter of IF, just a matter of WHEN. The waiting and false hope is hard. 

[Newbian Mama]

Sorry PUH. I know the "everything happens for a reason philosophy" isn't for everyone but that's what I tell myself. Your child is out there waiting for great parents like. Hugs.

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by PoorUglyHappy 

Momma Aimee - I have spent a lot of time reading adoption related books, blogs, etc.   I've also tried to get "ahead" at work which means that I am writing papers that I will hold off on submitting so that it looks like I am still working when the child arrives.   Maybe you could get ahead in your homeschool planning?   We also had a ton of work to do on our house to get it ready for inspections.  In the summer, everything got a fresh coat of paint, closets and drawers were organized, floors were sanded and finished, old windows were replaced, we added the necessary childproofing and medicine storage, etc.

In general, though, I just do a bunch of obsessing. 

I can't wait to get into our house in march.  I THINK we are going to be able to live in my childhood home.  my folks are looking to close on a new house Dec 20th.  Dad says it would be silly for us to rent a differnt house (still waiting on our home to sell) so we MAY be living in the house i grew up in.  I needs some work -- we'd do that -- and i can't wait to get started, but, again, we are not there till March.  I am starting a reading list and going to start working though it.

[PoorUglyHappy]

Momma Aimee- Fixing up a house will definitely keep you busy! and so will your upcoming move!   I hate moving so much, I have vowed to never leave my current house.  

Newbian Mama - how is the application process going?  

Thanks for the support, everyone.   Admittedly, this has made me reconsider my decision to do IVF.  I still have the same reservations but I am getting tired of the waiting.   Plus, no one comes and judges your home and past personal decisions in the IVF process, lol.   This is mainly just me complaining "out loud".  

[Smithie]

I knew for sure and certain that I did not want to have another baby, but fantasized about it often when being jerked around by social workers. 

It's all worth it, if adoption from foster care is what you want. 

[Momma Aimee]

i am reading Another Place at the Table.

I have on hold:  The Connected Child and Orphans of the Living.

trying to feel construvtive in temp houseing, just waiting

[Newbian Mama]

PUH - Feel free to vent. I had a good long, ugly cry just last week and I know how cathartic that can be.

Thanks for asking about me. I turned in a good chunk of paperwork right around the time my fingerprints were done. The little bit pf paperwork I have left will have to be redone once I move so I'm waiting until I move to finish that. The agency sent out my reference requests which is awesome! I feel like I'm making progress. There's been a ton of great stuff happening in my life so I'm not 24/7/365 bird dog focused on adoption which is good for my sanity. I keep imagaining different fost/adopt scenarios though so my mind is obviously still thinking about it. Oh and I go to a class on cross-cultural adoption next week and I'm looking forward to that. In my area the kids are 45% Hispanic (mostly Mexican), followed by Black being pretty equal White, Asian (all of Asia including the Pacific Islands), Native American, and Other (which I assume means biracial). I'm Black and open to any ethnicity so I thought it might be smart to take this class.

 

[Momma Aimee]

i could use some input from all the foster parents here on my thread -- http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1369629/other-foster-families-what-have-you-done-re-setting-up-a-room-that-might-not-be-used-for-a-long-time =-- about setting up a bedroom

[queenjane]

I finally got to attend the adoption orientation yesterday!! My friend's daughter babysat the boys all day for me and i drove like 45 mins to the agency. It was nice seeing my former adoption worker and catching up, she cant believe how big the kids are. Its great because she will be my worker at this new agency and since i already know here well i think everything will go more easily esp in terms of my comfort level with the process! Half of the day was adoption orientation, the other half was foster care orientation (i figure i might as well get my foster license again since its essentially the same process, and the adoption worker can do both. ) And the BEST news was that i DONT have to retake PRIDE classes (the worker thought i did since it had been so long and i let my license lapse) but the FC worker said nope. AND i dont have to redo my finger prints right now, they can use the ones i did before (i guess she said i'll have to do them again when im matched.) Plus, she said that once i get my paperwork in, i'm considered "homestudy in process" and able to inquire on kids listed on our state photolisting if i want. She has 90 days from me turning in all my stuff to have the HS complete but im pretty sure she'll do it faster than that.

She asked me what ages i want to consider...i'm pretty conflicted about it. Ideally i would like a sib group of boys (pref but wouldnt say no to a girl) ages 1 and 3 if i got to special order   But i told her i would also consider a girl (only--so she could share with my dd) around 6-8ish (but not older than my daughter who will be 11 and pref. at least two years younger) as long as there was a sib attached who was younger than the boys (who will be five next month...pref 3 or younger)...i felt weird giving all these conditions. I def want a sib younger than the boys though. She said she already had a child possibly in mind for me...a 1 yr old boy (!!!) but she wasnt quite sure what was up with his case right now in terms of whether TPR will happen soon etc. I'm not AT ALL setting my heart on that but its fun to fantasize and nice that she is actually already thinking of potential matches from the agency. I'm feeling super motivated to get my paperwork done and get my house in order though i wish i didnt have to actually set it up til i was matched. I hate to buy beds and stuff if i dont need them (if i only need a crib, say, or if the child is older and i dont need a crib at all....) whats funny is between a couple of my friends and i we are lending each other stuff to meet HS requirements (my friend has my two extra carseats right now just to show her worker, and i think she can lend me her crib or a toddler bed)...im hoping i can get my paperwork in this week so we can set up a home visit before Christmas. We'll see.

[Smithie]

Awesome Katherine!

Bear in mind, from someone on the other side of the process - if you are open to a sibling set that far apart in age, they might yank a happy and well-adjusted toddler out of a potential adoptive foster placement in order to "reunite" them with an older half-sibling that they may never even have lived with. That's a really terrible thing IMHO. We were very worried about that happening to STBAS' toddler twin half-brothers - they don't know any other mom but their foster mom, but I really think they might have been moved, along with STBAS, if the biological mother hadn't selected us as the adoptive family for her oldest child and thus severed their cases in the family court system. STBAS would have been able to handle another move, but the twins, I honestly believe, would have suffered terribly - as much as a toddler being taken away from a loving and attentive biological mother. Adoption workers, in my experience, are far too blase about disrupting long-term foster placements in order to adopt out sets of siblings who share very little or nothing outside of some DNA. 

Now I'll step down from my soapbox, and again say AWESOME! Some kid or kids is so lucky that you are pushing through the obstacles to open your home to adoption again. 

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by queenjane 

I finally got to attend the adoption orientation yesterday!! My friend's daughter babysat the boys all day for me and i drove like 45 mins to the agency. It was nice seeing my former adoption worker and catching up, she cant believe how big the kids are. Its great because she will be my worker at this new agency and since i already know here well i think everything will go more easily esp in terms of my comfort level with the process! Half of the day was adoption orientation, the other half was foster care orientation (i figure i might as well get my foster license again since its essentially the same process, and the adoption worker can do both. ) And the BEST news was that i DONT have to retake PRIDE classes (the worker thought i did since it had been so long and i let my license lapse) but the FC worker said nope. AND i dont have to redo my finger prints right now, they can use the ones i did before (i guess she said i'll have to do them again when im matched.) Plus, she said that once i get my paperwork in, i'm considered "homestudy in process" and able to inquire on kids listed on our state photolisting if i want. She has 90 days from me turning in all my stuff to have the HS complete but im pretty sure she'll do it faster than that.

She asked me what ages i want to consider...i'm pretty conflicted about it. Ideally i would like a sib group of boys (pref but wouldnt say no to a girl) ages 1 and 3 if i got to special order   But i told her i would also consider a girl (only--so she could share with my dd) around 6-8ish (but not older than my daughter who will be 11 and pref. at least two years younger) as long as there was a sib attached who was younger than the boys (who will be five next month...pref 3 or younger)...i felt weird giving all these conditions. I def want a sib younger than the boys though. She said she already had a child possibly in mind for me...a 1 yr old boy (!!!) but she wasnt quite sure what was up with his case right now in terms of whether TPR will happen soon etc. I'm not AT ALL setting my heart on that but its fun to fantasize and nice that she is actually already thinking of potential matches from the agency. I'm feeling super motivated to get my paperwork done and get my house in order though i wish i didnt have to actually set it up til i was matched. I hate to buy beds and stuff if i dont need them (if i only need a crib, say, or if the child is older and i dont need a crib at all....) whats funny is between a couple of my friends and i we are lending each other stuff to meet HS requirements (my friend has my two extra carseats right now just to show her worker, and i think she can lend me her crib or a toddler bed)...im hoping i can get my paperwork in this week so we can set up a home visit before Christmas. We'll see.

that is so awsome.  stories like this keep me positive :)  I am so excited for you!!

[PoorUglyHappy]

QueenJane - that is all great news!  It sounds like things will move quickly for you.    I will be anxious to hear about how the process goes for you.  :)    

[Newbian Mama]

Whoo hoo Queen Jane! I know you were having a hard time just getting to the meeting. You're going to have your babies after all!

[Momma Aimee]

queenjane -- visit before Christmas??  how is it going??

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by Momma Aimee 

queenjane -- visit before Christmas??  how is it going??

I doubt they will get here before Christmas...i didnt realize how soon that was! I wont be able to turn in my paperwork til next week so i assume it wont be til january but thats ok. Turns out my (former) adoption worker wont get to do the assessment (something about it being a "conflict of interest"?? whatever...) but she can be our worker after the fc worker does the assessment. She mention another 1 yr old in addition to the first one she mentioned as being a possible match so we'll see.

[Smithie]

Awesome possum, Katherine! I am so glad that they are envisioning you as an adoptive resource for babies, since that is what you want. 

We had a great visit with STBAS' mom. She is still very positive about her adoption decision and is considering doing the same thing with her younger children who are in care. We got to see where she was living, and it seemed safe and decent, and that was very reassuring to STBAS. 

[Newbian Mama]

Smithie - I attended a class at my agency where they talked a bit about the stress even very young children can feel when they don't know if their first families are safe. That's very very good that your boy was able to see that his mom is doing well. How did he handle the holidays?

How is everyone else doing?

AFM - I had a lackluster holiday but was reassured that by this time next year I will be all done with the paperchase and maybe even have a match.

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by queenjane 

Originally Posted by Momma Aimee 

queenjane -- visit before Christmas??  how is it going??

I doubt they will get here before Christmas...i didnt realize how soon that was! I wont be able to turn in my paperwork til next week so i assume it wont be til january but thats ok. Turns out my (former) adoption worker wont get to do the assessment (something about it being a "conflict of interest"?? whatever...) but she can be our worker after the fc worker does the assessment. She mention another 1 yr old in addition to the first one she mentioned as being a possible match so we'll see.

i am anxious to hear how this all plays out!  :)