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TTA (trying to adopt) Chat Thread - Page 5

post #81 of 262

Yeah, I dont want her to feel guilty or unworthy of her baby. She has the potential to be a great mom if she sorts herself out. I dont want to be judgemental toward her, I want her to feel she can look up to me, and come to me for support. She said she was going to call me today but hasnt yet. I hope she does because all I want to know right now is that she is ok.

post #82 of 262

Our social worker is going on holidays, so we wont being doing our home study until the end of August. That is still what I expected. My goal was to be on the waiting list by fall, and it looks like we will be. 

 

I chatted with my niece. She is doing well, and has a supportive partner. She is very happy that she will get to be a stay at home mother, something she never had. I am happy to hear that. 

post #83 of 262

Hello? Should I just post elsewhere?

post #84 of 262

I think it's just summer and people will be along again!! Hang in there!
 

post #85 of 262

I think you are doing the right thing by just being there for your niece. August is almost here!

post #86 of 262

august is right around the corner...

there are some other adoptive mom forums to- that I am a part of.... or read.... one that is pretty active is Adoptive Families Circle you may be able to get more activity there.
 

post #87 of 262

Hey MountainMama!  I've been away and just checking back every once in a while.   I don't have anything new to post.  We are still waiting on our state analyst (who took a month of leave) to come and do our state inspection.    They say in their information pamphlets that it may take up to 30 days.  We were warned that it might take up to 90 days.   We have been waiting more than 90 days now. orngtongue.gif 

post #88 of 262

I guess we all have to be prepared for the waiting. I know that DH and I will plan a few hikes up mountains this summer, and maybe some travelling in the winter. I think we will teach our LO to snowboard this winter. I am so nervous about the homestudy. I dont know why. We are awesome parents, and our daughter is great, but I am nervous. 

post #89 of 262

MountainMama, do you know the person doing your homestudy?    For Fost-Adopt in Los Angeles, we spent 6 weeks in class (6 hours a week!) with our case worker and I know her pretty well at this point.   I think that takes a bit of the pressure of the homestudy away.  

 

Also in California, there are state AND county inspections and homestudies.   So they are truly two separate things.  We had to fill out two sets of forms, one for the county and one for the state.   We even have to get two sets of fingerprints done for the exact same background checks.    It is all a little disorganized.   Luckily we have a few friends that have gone through the whole process and we know what to expect.  

post #90 of 262

We dont have to have a home inspection, its included with the homestudy. I dont know the SW, but I have heard she is really nice. I know its goinf to be one of those things where I wonder why I was so worried because it wasnt that bad. 

post #91 of 262

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing!   No new news for me to report.  Just waiting, waiting......

 

My closest friends know we are adopting but now people who are just acquaintances are finding out.  When I was telling people I was infertile, they would say I should "just adopt" now that I am adopting everyone wants to know why I am not doing IVF.    It is hilarious.   

post #92 of 262
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoorUglyHappy View Post

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing!   No new news for me to report.  Just waiting, waiting......

 

My closest friends know we are adopting but now people who are just acquaintances are finding out.  When I was telling people I was infertile, they would say I should "just adopt" now that I am adopting everyone wants to know why I am not doing IVF.    It is hilarious.   

 

Yeah we get asked that too. I just tell them I wasnt a good candidate and leave it at that. We actually didnt even go there at all. We went from infertility to adoption when it was clear there was no real solution to our fertility issues. I know lots of people that do the AR route first. It just seems too risky to me.

 

I spoke with the SW yesterday. She is really nice. She said its her job to tell the birth mother our story and that is the purpose of the homestudy. She wants us to succeed.

post #93 of 262

I'm kind of sensitive about fertility questions. I just want to snap "none of your business!" whenever people ask.

 

But I usually just say things like "Oh, we always wanted to adopt" or "I can't imagine parenting plus all those hormones! This is tough enough without extra pregnancy stuff! I don't know how you do it." or "We decided we wanted to help him pay for a college education instead of trying to make a baby." or "We haven't ruled out biological children in the future. But for now, we're very happy with our choices. Have you met our son? He's fantastic!" or just simply "For us, adoption was meant to be."

post #94 of 262
My foster son's mother is out jail, and we've started phone contact. Aaaaaaaaaugh. The contact is pretty much generic and appropriate, but she's the only one who is enjoying it. He loves her, but he came to terms with adoption when he was living in the orphanage, and doesn't want to get dragged back in to life on Planet Meth.
post #95 of 262

MountainMama - I skipped the AR for the most part.   I had a corrective surgery and after seeing my organs up close my dr told me IVF was my only option.  I was in denial for a little while but after that sank in, I feel much more comfortable with the idea of being a home/parents for a child who needs it than getting a baby by any means necessary.  I know that sounds harsh to those struggling with IF and going through ART but it is the reasoning that made sense to my heart.    I do now have a little fear about getting pregnant because I don't want it to interfere with our adoption process.

 

I am glad the discussion with your SW went well!  I am looking forward to hearing the details of your homestudy.  :)

 

MarsupialMom - I am sensitive to the comments at certain times and other times not so much.   For some reason, I am extra sensitive these days to comments about what my children will look like.  For instance, last week my hairdresser (who cuts both me & DH) commented on how thick our kids hair is going to be.  I didn't say anything but in my head I though who knows!  It certainly won't be because of my genetics though.

 

Smithie- that must be hard!   Thanks for sharing - these are the things I want to hear.   It was one thing to hear about the case studies in the classes, but I want to hear about how it goes in real life.  

post #96 of 262

http://www.rebeccahawkes.com/

 

 

This is a blog about an open adoption out of foster care that I really like.
 

post #97 of 262
I love it when you share that blog! It's a great resource!

I have been thinking about blogging our experience, but at this point I feel like it would violate confidentiality. Maybe someday.
post #98 of 262

:) 

She is my favorite:)
 

post #99 of 262

In about a week the SW will be here for our home study. My mom is coming this weekend for a visit and to help me do some spring cleaning. I cant wait till she gets here. We were also talking about the 10 day revocation period after adoption. She is going to spend the 10 days with me, to help me through the hard times (and to meet her grandbaby too of course). That 10 days is scary, but in some provinces here its 30 days, so it could be worse.

post #100 of 262

Good to have your Mama around, MountainMama!   Let us know how your homestudy goes!
 

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