Or am I the only one that has to plan their own?
Just looking for unusual ideas, commiserations, etc. With DS I didn't get a shower, and I really regretted it. This time I'm planning a Mother's Blessing, since we don't really need baby stuff, but I could use support. I'm shooting for mid-late April, so right around 36 weeks. And it will probably be at my house, since my friends/family are scattered in all directions, and it's the most central.
I'm not having a shower...it would be fun, but this is my 3rd boy and we have most of the essentials already. I like your idea of a Mother's Blessing!
I'm not having a shower either since we have all of the baby gear already, but I also like your idea of a celebratory gathering. I feel a little bad for my little Bundle since we have all of these pictures and mementos from #1's shower...I don't want poor Bundle to ever think he was less wanted or anticipated. I'm debating whether to have something before hand or just have a "meet the baby" party about 8 weeks pp (it would just be friends, since our families live several states away).
How do you picture a Mother's Blessing gathering going? (Or is this an established thing with rituals? I've never heard of it before, so I'm completely ignorant.)
There were 3 showers with DD1. I insisted on no showers for DD2 but since it was my first pregnancy I did want to celebrate that aspect. My friends got together with my mom and sisters and had a nice little afternoon gathering. We talked babies. It was lovely.
There probably won't be a shower or anything with number 3. It might be nice to get some boy stuff but that won't happen until after he's born since I'm not telling a anyone in RL.
I'm having two showers one with family who live out of state, and one with friends here in the city. one is at 29 weeks and the other at 31, kind of early on the first one, but since I have to drive 4 hrs each way, I thought earlier is better. With the friends shower one of the games we are planning to play is one that we played at a friends shower. I think its called the poopie diaper game, or something like that, you take brand name candy bars and melt them in baby diapers, then the guests have to decide what kind of candy is in the diaper by tasting or smelling it. It was a really unusual experience, but really fun!
I was invited to a blessingway for 3 people I don't know, very last minute, and can't attend. They're doing birthing beads for the expectant moms, henna on bellies and hands, and a potluck meal. It's very groovy "earth mother" sorts of people attending and I REALLY WISH I could go - or that someone would do it for me! I'm sure they're doing warm wishes, positive energy vibes, and I've heard of things like every woman lays hands on the expectant parent and makes a wish for them or sends them peaceful birth energy and I can see that happening.
I didn't quite understand typical showers... I had a wedding shower and a baby shower with my first, and it was nice but seemed very silly. Not really my style.
Some church friends are throwing me a shower and I'm not sure if our family is planning on something or not. I'm a wanna be minimalist so I'm hoping most of our needs will be covered in the first shower. I feel like most of what we need are in the bedding category, a boppy, an ergo, I'll have cloth diapers, furniture, bassinet, and the stroller covered...it'd be nice if family would chip in on the nice Britax Chaperone car seat I've been eyeing!
I'm a hard to please type of person I think. Can I complain in your thread? I'm sorry in advance.
I really feel a little bummed no one has really offered to do a shower or blessing for me, but then I think well, no one ever pays attention to what I really want/need any ways, so why waste all my time driving and $60 in gas to be around people who are all negative, wind up with different little newborn baby outfits the babe won't wear but for a week (if that) and have to listen to all the self righteous Mommy crap?
Most of my family already regard me as a 'weirdo' anyways, so I guess what do I care?
I put an amazon list together and gave the link to the people asking if I needed anything (ok, only two people really asked...it was kind of a *hint* "hint* thing with the people who asked if I needed anything as the excuse to hand it out)
I put baby socks, baby tees, a tee for me, wool wash, baby soaps, things like that...then I put some diaper covers and a couple wool diaper covers, and a few baby toys on there. Nothing outrageous, every thing (but for a couple things like a rainbow toy stacker and a juicer. total wish list fluff) under $50 and most all things under $25 with plenty in the under $10 range.
Nothing so far and that was a month ago.
Anyways, so I don't know. I would love a henna belly party, stuff my freezer, something. But...oh well. With my first only 2 people showed up (my own mom didn't) because it was near 4th of July, I didn't get one for my second, and for my third I had a good one with my dad and mom and stepmom and a few friends coming...so I guess I shouldn't complain..but 5 years after having my last - I think some willingness from people would be nice. Even if it wasnt about gifts I'd appreciate it!
I would totally just throw my own if I thought someone would come and it be a happy experience...ok now I've depressed myself. LOL
Onemore - 
I was promised one with DS and it never materialized. And by the time I realized it wasn't going to, it was too late for me to do it myself. We had nobody buy us anything for DS before the fact except 1 grandma, and that was because I emailed her in my 8th month and said "we need a car seat - here's the link, would you mind?", or something to that effect.
This time around I'm of a different mind set, and that's why I'm planning it myself. I don't need/want gifts for the baby - I have what I need, and what I'm missing I can get easily enough on my own. What I need is emotional support. My first 2 were really long, rough labors, and I need to know that I have people who care about me and are wishing me well at that time. And pp was soooo hard with DS for a variety of reasons, and I was back to having to cook meals a few days pp - and I'm not doing that again. So I've been thinking about it a while, and today I emailed my BFF, one grandma, and a very good friend and said "this is what I'm planning/doing, I'd love for you to help out in whatever way you can, let me know." And I'm leaving it at that. If I have to plan and pull off the whole thing on my own, I will, although my good friend already replied that she's happy to help, the other two haven't replied yet. If you have friends/family who will support you emotionally, throw yourself a party! It doesn't have to be fancy, get a couple trays from Costco (cheese tray, veggie tray, fruit tray, etc.) or have a potluck. It doesn't have to be big, just invite the people who will be supportive. And they don't have to bring gifts, so long as they bring positive energy. Look at it as doing something nice for yourself, and celebrating this pregnancy, because every one of them deserves to be celebrated.
One thing I did for a friend's shower (and that I've asked my friends to put together for mine) is to get two sets of stationary and label 36 envelopes... 18 for the mom and dad and 18 for the baby that they get to open on birthdays.Then have people at the shower fill them out.
Also, I'm having three sisters do henna at my shower and I'm super excited about it. I can't wait to post henna belly pics!
My friends are throwing a shower, but i had to kind of push them in the beginning. I am the first of my friends to have a baby, so they didn't really understand what to do. Once they got the hang of it, they took over and now I feel better, like they are throwing one for me :) It's this weekend, too, so I am super excited!!
On a side note, I made a registry on amazon.com and also at baby depot, and there were only a couple things purchased lol! I didn't try to peek, i just saw the number of items purchased the other day. So, I wonder what I will be getting if not items from my registry? Probably a bunch of baby clothes, huh? Anyway, I am excited!!
I don't have family where i live and during my first pregnancy with DD i didn't really have any mama friends; mostly had people i'd spend time at a bar with... not parent-kid oriented friends. I didn't really want a shower either, seemed a little "fluffy" for my taste, not sure how to say it. my former co-workers had a little celebration, gave a few small (useful) items, plus some nice books and toys. I asked my boss to just keep it low-key, and it was just a casual lunch and they just showed their love. Some friends from home got together and put a big box of clothing, blankets, ect and sent it, it was really sweet of them and i wasn't expecting it!
This time a few mama friends are having a mother's blessing for me and another friend who is due a few weeks before me. I feel much more comfortable with this because i'm not really asking for gifts from people, just well wishes. i still keep feeling like i have to say, "please don't go out of your way for me". I don't like being thrown into the center of attention and i don't like asking for things, which is maybe why i didn't really want a shower in the first place.
What i've asked for is people to bring a bead and a small piece of fabric i can make into a blanket/quilt and wrap the baby in after birth. I've also asked for henna for the belly. my friend who's organizing plans to bring string that will be tied around wrists and then cut after the baby is born and handing out candles to burn while i'm in labor.
There's nothing wrong with having a shower if you want, it's just not my thing. And if you don't need anything you can just say it's "a celebration" (not a shower) and you can ask for "no gifts" or just ask for "gifts of well wishes". i think people see "baby shower = gifts". Calling it a "Mother's Blessing" will save you from gifts, i think!
Rio- what does the string represent?
Onemore- sorry to hear about your shower experiences :( I had a shower with my first, and tons of "welcome baby cards" and phone calls and stuff after she was born. I had no shower, very little comment on the fact that a baby was coming at all, no cards or well wishes after my second was born. It was sad. I get it- most people don't do stuff for a second or subsequent kid. Maybe I'll ask my friend if she can host a little blessingway?
My coworker is pregnant and taking mat leave the same time I am (she's due 3 weeks after me), so I'm hoping my coworkers do some little thing.
My friend is pregnant and due 2 weeks after me, so I'm hoping out mutual group of friends will do something. It's the third baby for both of us.
Might be worthwhile to put a little bug in someone's ear?
Until all the scariness happened, we were planning to host a "Meet the baby Kegger" after he arrives. :P
A big back yard party when he's about a month old for all our friends and family.
We're not so sure now, but if this little guy comes super early, we're going to have a "See lots of pictures of the baby, oh by the way, we need your blood to help him" party....
I think hosting your own shower is totally okay. Even the kind with gifts and stupid party games. Because who doesn't want to be surrounded by friends and family??
I don't have family where i live and during my first pregnancy with DD i didn't really have any mama friends; mostly had people i'd spend time at a bar with... not parent-kid oriented friends. I didn't really want a shower either, seemed a little "fluffy" for my taste, not sure how to say it. my former co-workers had a little celebration, gave a few small (useful) items, plus some nice books and toys. I asked my boss to just keep it low-key, and it was just a casual lunch and they just showed their love. Some friends from home got together and put a big box of clothing, blankets, ect and sent it, it was really sweet of them and i wasn't expecting it!
This time a few mama friends are having a mother's blessing for me and another friend who is due a few weeks before me. I feel much more comfortable with this because i'm not really asking for gifts from people, just well wishes. i still keep feeling like i have to say, "please don't go out of your way for me". I don't like being thrown into the center of attention and i don't like asking for things, which is maybe why i didn't really want a shower in the first place.
I had a similar situation the first time around. I was the first of my regular group of friends to have a baby (and am still the only one), and since many of my friends were men (and heavily tattooed musician types at that), I wasn't sure if I would have a shower. I was really touched when a few of them got together and threw a party for us. It was more like an afternoon cocktail party with snacks than a traditional shower, which was perfect since the idea of games or traditional shower activities seemed very foreign to me. I was just so incredibly touched by the idea of some of these guys (who I'd spent so much time over the years drinking and seeing bands with) going into baby stores and picking out little gifts for us.
A friend of mine emailed me yesterday to ask again if she could throw a shower for us this time around. Although I'd initially said it wasn't necessary the first time she asked, I was inspired by this thread and grateful that I have friends who want to celebrate this baby. I told her yes, but in a no-gifts-necessary, rooftop bbq, let me see my friends before I don't see them again for 6 months kind of party.
I wish I could throw a baby celebration for all of you mamas out there...you all deserve some recognition and love!
Onemore, I really, really understand where you are coming from.
With DS, my MIL was supposed to throw me a shower, and since she loves to plan elaborate and huge parties, I was expecting something great. DH's family has tons of money, so we registered at Babys R Us and Target, and we needed everything! Well, the shower was supposed to happen in December, because MIL lives in Tucson and we live in Flagstaff and weren't going to drive down after Christmas. MIL got a bug up her butt that nobody would want to come to a shower right around Christmas, so she basically backed off and said that the family would give me their shower gifts on Christmas Eve.
We got the most amazingly useless crap, nothing nice, and nothing that we had registered for. Some hideous toys that looked like they came from a yard sale, some completely impractical baby blankets and stuffed animals, and a truly bizarre mobile. NO crib, stroller, carseat, onesies, diapers, breast pump, etc. I had expected to get EVERYTHING. I know this sounds very selfish and spoiled and petulant, but we're talking about a family that spends thousands and thousands on furniture and decorations, lavish vacations, etc.
DH and I were in a panic until one of my coworkers decided to throw me a shower and she and everyone I worked with pitched in and bought us a travel system (carseat and stroller). We were SO GRATEFUL. I literally sobbed with happiness, because it was the only time during my pregnancy that anyone got us what we really needed.
DH and I bought an IKEA crib, cloth diapers, and most of the baby clothes on our own. We also borrowed a bunch of stuff.
Fast-forward to this baby, and my same sweet coworker is insisting on throwing me another shower. The only thing I really want this time around is a Moby wrap. I registered for some cheap, cute, useful stuff at Target (a few baby clothes, etc). We are both excited to have a simple get-together with friends, but EVERYONE IS HORRIFIED that I am getting a "second" shower, lol. I guess this JUST ISN'T DONE.
When I hear about women who had "real" showers (cute cake, games, lunch, pretty decorations), I get a little jealous.
I also like the idea of a blessing circle or party, but I know very few people in real life who are like me. Most everyone would find it too hippie dippy.
I'm a hard to please type of person I think. Can I complain in your thread? I'm sorry in advance.
I really feel a little bummed no one has really offered to do a shower or blessing for me, but then I think well, no one ever pays attention to what I really want/need any ways, so why waste all my time driving and $60 in gas to be around people who are all negative, wind up with different little newborn baby outfits the babe won't wear but for a week (if that) and have to listen to all the self righteous Mommy crap?
Most of my family already regard me as a 'weirdo' anyways, so I guess what do I care?
I put an amazon list together and gave the link to the people asking if I needed anything (ok, only two people really asked...it was kind of a *hint* "hint* thing with the people who asked if I needed anything as the excuse to hand it out)
I put baby socks, baby tees, a tee for me, wool wash, baby soaps, things like that...then I put some diaper covers and a couple wool diaper covers, and a few baby toys on there. Nothing outrageous, every thing (but for a couple things like a rainbow toy stacker and a juicer. total wish list fluff) under $50 and most all things under $25 with plenty in the under $10 range.
Nothing so far and that was a month ago.
Anyways, so I don't know. I would love a henna belly party, stuff my freezer, something. But...oh well. With my first only 2 people showed up (my own mom didn't) because it was near 4th of July, I didn't get one for my second, and for my third I had a good one with my dad and mom and stepmom and a few friends coming...so I guess I shouldn't complain..but 5 years after having my last - I think some willingness from people would be nice. Even if it wasnt about gifts I'd appreciate it!
I would totally just throw my own if I thought someone would come and it be a happy experience...ok now I've depressed myself. LOL
I really don't understand the thought that only a first baby should be celebrated. :( A shower doesn't have to mean to buying a bunch of stuff. Just get together and celebrate the new baby! And most of the time, even second (or third, fourth, etc.) babies need a few things. Ugh. Sorry, I just had to vent. I'm sad for those of you getting grief for wanting a second shower.
As for me, I won't be having a shower either. I'm fine with that really. I don't like being the center of attention, my family is far away, and I don't have many friends here. I'm thinking of doing an open house type "meet the baby" thing after she's born. Just tell people "stop by between 2-6 on such and such date to meet the baby!". It would be casual, no pressure to buy anything or stay all day long. We'll see.
I'm thinking of doing an open house type "meet the baby" thing after she's born. Just tell people "stop by between 2-6 on such and such date to meet the baby!". It would be casual, no pressure to buy anything or stay all day long. We'll see.
This is a great idea!
Aww thank you ladies for listening to my whining! I love how sweet every one is in here. I started talking to DH about it and we both wound up being like "huh. oh well". LOL
It was nice to vent to lady friends about it or else I would have got all emotional to DH and then he would have thought it meant a lot more to me than it really does.
Bad thing about living in a rural community away from every one you know. Sometimes little things can become big things just out of not having any one to talk to!
I don't understand the idea of the first baby being celebrated only, either. Makes no sense.
I think I will happily plan a 'meet the baby' party for a couple weeks after the baby is born. Usually every one comes over the first day (when we lived closer...and I am all psyched out with lots of energy!) but I really need to get bf'ing established this time and just rest.
I think your Mother's blessing idea is lovely. This is myfourth, and because of the circumstances surrounding all of mybabies, I've never had a baby shower either. I really don't need anything, but I would love to celebrate with others.
Then someone from our church came up and asked " so what do you want us to do for your shower...what have you been planning" : as though it was understood that I knew they would have a shower and should be planning. It made it feel very akward and I just said that I hadn't been planning anything....this is my fourth baby, do people normally do that ? Besides, baby is due at a time thtat makes planning anything very tricky.
One of my other pregnant friends suggested that instead, maybe we could just go get pedicures sometimes in April :) I think it is a lovely idea. i would love a little pampering and to spend some time with encouraging ladies :)
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