I'm new to this website as well as new to the idea of being a mom. I just found out 2 weeks ago that I am 24.5 weeks pregnant. This was a complete shock to me because I had no indicators of pregnancy. I have always had irregular periods and normally was on birth control. It took about a week to get used to the idea that this little guy was coming but now when people keep asking about what I need or what my plans are it just brings on waives of frustrations. Even something simply like my cousin showing me all the stuff she has set aside from me makes me feel overwhelmed. Does this feeling go away? I need to get past this feeling... any suggestions?
Does the feeling of being overwhelmed ever go away?
Congrats on your pregnancy! How exciting and scary at the same time.
Yes, the overwhelming feeling does eventually go away...but it's definitely more prevalent in pregnant and nursing moms! There is just sooooooooo much information out there and it's hard to keep it all straight. I remember trying to learn about cloth diapers and thinking there is no way I'll ever understand all this. I can safely say that 4 years later, I got it all down.
I love to pass on old baby stuff I don't need anymore, but I totally get how it can be too much to handle. My advice to you is to take what people give you and say thank you. Then put it in a room or closet and shut the door until you are ready to go through it all and deal with it. Anything you don't need, you can pass along to someone else.
Give yourself a few more weeks to just soak in the pregnancy, feel little baby kicks, and get used to being pregnant. Then start slow, buy a cute baby outfit and blanket.
When baby is born, all you really need are a car seat, clothing, diapers, and breasts. Baby can sleep in a laundry basket or on the floor if need be. :)
It is overwhelming to find out you are having a baby, especially when you weren't planning it. It took me some time to get used to the idea of this guy. I don't really have any suggestions, just to try to relax and spend some time feeling your baby move around (that's what makes it feel real for me).
Babies don't really need a lot of stuff in the beginning. There are a couple of good threads earlier on in this group about what to get and adjusting to the idea of a baby that you might want to check out. The ladies in this group are very friendly and supportive so if you have any questions or just need to talk this is a good, safe place to be.
It can, but it may mean having to put your foot down with people a lot more. I've gotten really overwhelmed with everything with my first. I wasn't as far along as you were, but I didn't know until I was 10 weeks along. It finally got to the point where I had to start telling people, "I'm really glad you want to help, but you're overwhelming me. I just can't handle this and I don't want to have a nervous breakdown before the baby's born!" There were a few people who I had to tell more forcefully to back off. I had to communicate to my friends and family that I would get through this in my own time. They just need to respect my wishes if they brought something up to me and I told them I just wasn't in the space to handle it right then.
Welcome! For both of my pregnancies the whole first trimester was a time of adjusting to the idea of a new baby... even when they were planned. I couldn't read about babies, think about baby stuff, I even didn't want to be around babies. So I imagine it is a normal part of the process. You are just getting a little bit of a later start since you just found out and are already into the second trimester. I think it is important to give yourself permission to need space to adjust to the idea and let family and friends know that you need space. This is a time to take care of yourself, not just physically, but emotionally too. Don't push yourself to "get over it" right now. It will come in time. You just need a little space right now.
I think the overwhelmed feeling definitely subsides after you take some time to map it all out. At first there's a million different things to think about, because this is a little person with all of their own needs and wants. You then have to figure this little person in with you, the other members of your immediate family, your living situation, and everything going on in your life currently. That's a lot to figure out!
But, once you stop hyperventilating (and believe me, we all do it no matter our situation) and start going line by line about what you're freaking out about, then it starts to get exciting. It starts with a "Well, how the heck am I going to deal with X?" Let's use the example of "Where's this little guy going to sleep?!" Well, then you think about co-sleeping, a laundry basket (as a PP mentioned), an extra mattress on the floor, a crib.. and all the other different possibilities. Then you realize that no matter your situation, you still have a choice, a will, and a way to make it happen in a way that works for you. You kind of become empowered by taking on each decision and tackling it.
As you figure out a solution for things, you start to get more confident that this is not only something you can handle, but something you can have fun with. This is a unique experience that you can make your own -- not only for the little kiddo you're going to have, but for YOU the new mommy-to-be!
As far as suggestions go, I would say find (at least) one thing that makes you excited and happy about this baby, then grow and expand that thing. It doesn't matter if you think it's silly or unimportant. Let's say it's "Ooh!! Tiny Baby Feet!! They're SOO cute!!" (One of my personal favorites haha!) Then splurge on a pack of cool newborn socks. Or dig out some cool paper and get rubber stamps in different colors to make feet print art when the baby's born.
When you're ready, there's going to be a point where you're super excited to check out the stuff your cousin has set aside for you (and all the rest of it). It really just takes time. For now, you can tell people that you've got a lot of decisions to make, and you really appreciate their support, but you need to slow it down and work through everything.
Thanks for all the support!!! The overwhelming feelings have passed for the most part.. they still pop up every once in a while!! I think the overall excitement is really starting to settle in! I have had to put my foot down a lot and it felt like i was being rude at first but people seemed pretty understanding.
My midwife likes to tell me that there are three developmental milestones for the mother during pregnancy. The first is coming to terms with being pregnant, the second is the development of maternal feelings, and the third is preparing for the baby's arrival. These normally coincide fairly closely with the three trimesters. In your case, they're all going to be crammed into a much shorter time. I think feeling overwhelmed (even if you're feeling less so now than you were at first) is totally normal. Also, not knowing the answers to all the questions people throw at you is perfectly okay. I've known from pretty early on (4 weeks) that I was pregnant and I still (at 26 weeks) don't know the answers to most of the questions people ask me about things. And some people expect you to have the nursery decorated and names picked out within a month of finding out you're pregnant. I still don't have those things (though we are making progress in those areas). When you feel overwhelmed, just stop, take a step back, and breathe. Take a bath or a walk or read a book or something. Do something else to get away from the overwhelmed feeling, then, later, you can try to tackle whatever was overwhelming you again when you feel better.