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postpartum sex

post #1 of 18
2/25/12 at 5:49pm
Thread Starter 

Just wondering-  When were you able to have sex again after delivery?

 

I am 8-9 weeks PP and still unable to have sex because of soreness/pain.  I had a 2nd degree tear and stitches.  How long does it usually take?  I feel really distant from my husband without sex.

 

What are some things that you are doing to feel close to your partners?

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post #2 of 18
2/25/12 at 6:36pm

postpartum sex

I think we waited 3 months before even trying. It was just a no-no zone for me for that long. I was still getting used to baby, sleepless nights, and breast feeding, so sex wasn't really a priority for me (my hubby wasn't too interested either after watching what that "zone" had gone through.. Lol) but when we finally did, it hurt for me too. Still at 3 months. I tore as well during delivery, not sure how bad, but bad enough that it would hurt if I was on my feet too much in a day.

I'd say I was back to normal around 4-5 months PP, like no pain at all. But I'd say that after our first time PP, it got easier and easier every time.

I did read a little bit about some doctors stitching a little more than they're supposed to, which really scared me. I worried that that's what happened to me. But I'm glad that the pain ceased eventually. I also read about PP perenium massage (sp?) Maybe something you could look up and read about.
Maybe if your really worried about it, you could ask your doctor or midwife to check to make sure everything is healing properly. Or hopefully another Mama can answer as to what a normal healing time should be.

Hope everything turns out well! God bless smile.gif

Edited to say: my midwife had told me to use lubrication when we tried for the first time PP. And I'd say that lubrication was extremely important through those first 4-5 months. It was the only way I could get through it. smile.gif

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post #3 of 18
2/25/12 at 7:10pm

I think it's really individual. With both this baby and my first, we had sex again around 2 weeks postpartum. I'm a very sexual person, so waiting two weeks was a long time for me. I actually had urges this time before then, but waited to get the go ahead from my midwife at my 2 week appointment. :-P

 

That said, it's not super comfortable. My DH knows that we have to take it REALLY slow in the beginning. Even with that, I feel a bit sore afterwards. I didn't tear this time (did last time though, both up and down), but it still feels raw afterwards. We don't have sex super frequently. It's been about every week or so. I understand what you mean about feeling distant from your husband without sex though. Not that we can't connect without actually having intercourse, but with two kids it's not like you find a lot of time to do things like cuddle.

 

Lubrication is really important for a lot of women, some even throughout their entire time of breastfeeding. I know a lot of women who like to use food-grade oils (e.g. olive, vegetable, coconut) instead of store-bought lubricant. I plan on trying it next time. Hopefully it'll help with the raw feeling afterwards.

post #4 of 18
2/25/12 at 7:31pm

I honestly cannot remember how long, but it was not until my stitches were fully healed, which was longer than six weeks. I only had a very minor tear. You can always fool around w/ out having sex. It will probably hurt some no matter how long you wait, but if it is still actively sore, I would avoid it, too, due to pain. With time, you'll feel normalish, and eventually, normal!

post #5 of 18
2/26/12 at 5:55am
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the responses.  It sounds like it's normal to still have pain.  I kind of wish I didn't have the urge until I was totally healed :) DH is chomping at the bit too!

post #6 of 18
3/2/12 at 7:12pm
For me, it was a bit painful/uncomfortable, and still is a little. It was not so bad that it was completely unenjoyable, and it was important for us to be able to connect in that way. Definitely use lubrication, and reapply often!
post #7 of 18
3/3/12 at 8:41am
I second the lube!
post #8 of 18
3/14/12 at 2:28pm

Blah, I wish I had any libido! We're 2 months PP now and my husband seems a little antsy. I need to bite the bullet and make it happen but my body is getting enough attention BFing :/ I bought a sexy new outfit to wear for Valentines after our romantic dinner but the baby stayed up all night that night! We both work all day, the older kids are finally in bed around 8 & the baby sleeps in our room... I'm going to try tonight! and every night this week. It's gonna happen ladies! lol  

post #9 of 18
3/15/12 at 1:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by imakecutebabies View Post

Blah, I wish I had any libido! We're 2 months PP now and my husband seems a little antsy. I need to bite the bullet and make it happen but my body is getting enough attention BFing :/ I bought a sexy new outfit to wear for Valentines after our romantic dinner but the baby stayed up all night that night! We both work all day, the older kids are finally in bed around 8 & the baby sleeps in our room... I'm going to try tonight! and every night this week. It's gonna happen ladies! lol  


We've been intimate since Valentine's day but it's a struggle physically and emotionally.  Zero libido,  nothing, zilch.  Gotta keep hubby happy though...

 

post #10 of 18
3/17/12 at 5:39pm

Still haven't....I think this is the longest ever in our marriage! This is the first week where I could really put E down for the first time since birth and the last thing I want to do is have sex! For one, I don't want to get pregnant; 2- I can't stand my DH right now and 3- I would rather go to the bathroom alone, take a bath or eat by myself! LOL 

post #11 of 18
3/18/12 at 5:13pm

I must be in the minority...I waited (barely!) until five weeks and then I couldn't take it anymore and jumped my husband.  Had to take things a little slow, but was much easier than the first time after DS1 was born.  My libido has gone crazy since having DS2 and hubby is loving it.  I tore and had stitches, but they were healed up by around two weeks.  Had no tenderness what so ever while being intimate.

post #12 of 18
3/20/12 at 2:19pm

so i planned on trying when we got cleared at 6 weeks but waited until 9 weeks, because nothing in my mind or body was telling me to put a penis in my vagina. in fact it was telling me not to! and i can say when we did at 9 weeks, it was still sore. it took a few minutes for the initial soreness to go away and then felt okay. i strongly second the lots of lube! coconut oil is great, and tastes good too which makes for a fun time. :) i am a pretty sexual person, and surprisingly i can say that my libido is actually higher now than it was when i was pregnant, which is isn't saying much! 

post #13 of 18
3/21/12 at 12:05pm

We tried at 5 weeks pp but it just wasn't happening.  Even with lube, it was so painful for me that I was tearing up.

 

Tried again yesterday at 8 weeks pp and it was fine-- still a bit sore and my parts still don't feel as, hm, elastic as usual.  But it wasn't excruciating and I had a good time.

 

It's pretty weird, with my older son I had ZERO libido until he was about a year old, despite the fact that I'm normally a verrrrry sexual person.  With this guy?  I think we fooled around for the first time when he was like 5 days old.  Just goes to show, you never know what you're going to get with postpartum hormones.  :)

post #14 of 18
3/27/12 at 3:13pm

Speaking of post partum sex... I know that the odds of a breastfeeding mom are pretty low to start ovulating until at least 6 months, but are you all planning on taking a pregnancy test once a month or anything to be sure?

post #15 of 18
3/27/12 at 9:29pm

hm, i'm not taking any pregnancies tests.. we're doing a little research...

 

vas·ec·to·my 

post #16 of 18
3/27/12 at 10:17pm

I'm breastfeeding as well, but we're using condoms to be on the safe side, and I'm taking a test tomorrow... It doesn't help that DH is paranoid about us getting pregnant so soon, and that I've been dreaming that I'm pregnant again (I want my body back first, please!)

post #17 of 18
3/28/12 at 4:39pm

I've already had my first postpartum period (boo) and there's a strong precedent for pregnancies occurring despite nursing in my family-- soooo I got a copper IUD promptly.  One less thing to worry about!

post #18 of 18
3/29/12 at 11:05am

Quote:

Originally Posted by element2012 View Post

Speaking of post partum sex... I know that the odds of a breastfeeding mom are pretty low to start ovulating until at least 6 months, but are you all planning on taking a pregnancy test once a month or anything to be sure?


I'm following Ecological Breastfeeding as much as possible (there are 7 standards like no artificial nipples, nursing to comfort, napping daily, etc.) to prevent pregnancy. Lactation Amenorrhea Method states that so long as you're breastfeeding exclusively and haven't had a postpartum period (bleeding after the 56th day), you're 98% safe. That's just as safe as condoms and I'm not going back to hormonal birth control, so that's as safe as I can get. Anyway, Ecological Breastfeeding basically just extends the amenorrhea longer, generally 9-18 months. I've been having trouble getting the nap in every day, but I try to lay down with the girls when they nap, even if I can't sleep.