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Mothering › Groups ›  April 2012 DDC › Discussions › Who else is feeling a little fearful of labor?

Who else is feeling a little fearful of labor?

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 

I feel so silly admitting this, it's my 3rd time around. I'm starting to feel a little fearful of the coming labor.

 

This will be my 3rd home birth. I know I can do it. I've had a big ol' 10 pounder and a nice sized 8 1/2 pounder. I'm not worried about tearing, or complications (well, other than apposition slowing things down and making it hurt!)

 

I'm just scared of those active labor contractions!

 

With my first, I survived 3 days of back labor, ending with a huge high and a feeling of wanting to have another right away. I went into my second with a very gung ho attitude and it was a very straight forward labor. I do remember having a feeling of, "ugh, I don't want to do that again anytime soon" right after.

 

This time around I just don't feel up to it. I'm exhausted. I've been uncomfortable the whole pregnancy. The thought of being strong enough to handle those contractions just makes me want to crumple up and cry.

 

Anybody else want to share and explore our feelings and help each other gear up for the big day?

post #2 of 17

yes and I think this is a great thread to have. Today I sat down and my abs were hurting and I just felt tired.  I told myself I was glad that I wasn't in labor today because I just didn't feel like being strong today.  I seem to range from feeling super confident and ready to just not feeling like doing it, but the baby has to be born eventually lol.  On my off days I try to reason it out and find things that encourage me and make me feel strong. I feel like with DS I was really focussed on equipping myself with whatever would make me feel strong and then once I got into labor, I didn't really use a lot of the surrounding type things but my internal dialogue was very positive.  This time around I almost feel like I am nailed to the front of a speeding train heading toward birth and some days I am just too tired to even think about it all.  So, I try to be gentle and not get completely freaked out and then be more proactive on my days that I feel super optimistic.  Part of my issue is that I had a long pushing phase (which I have been talking about with my mw), I had a hard recovery postpartum, and I am not close geographically to my family.  It meant a lot to have my sisters and mom be there to take care of me and DH and it feels weird to prepare without them being part of what I envision.  I feel like I was more go with the flow last time but part of that was because I hadn't done it before and now I have an idea of what it could be like.  I did decide to go ahead and buy a birth pool which seems to have helped me some and I hadn't realized how hung up on it I was.

post #3 of 17

Honestly, I'm not too scared of labor itself.  I'm a little worried about whether or not my mother will behave, and I'm a little worried that DP might be on the road for work when I go into labor.  What I'm terrified about, though, is the postpartum period.  I'm so scared that I'm going to tear or otherwise have painful injuries and have been scaring myself silly reading about how torn up people can be or feel after birth.  I'm doing peri massage and stocking up on all sorts of self care items for after the birth, but all I can think about is OW OW OW!

post #4 of 17

I think I have a kind of numb fear. Its not real yet. I don't know what to expect so I tell myself I can do it. But really, I have no idea. I think I can't fully accept mentally that this will end with labour and a baby.

post #5 of 17

 I get that fearful feeling before every birth (and this is #7)! I really don't think about it much, but the closer I get the more I remember that birthing hurts. My labors are fairly easy, so in my mind I know there's nothing to worry about. Even if there was, what can I do? I'm pregnant, he's almost due, I'm going to labor one way or the other.

 

I hope that my delivery is easier than #6. I hope that my pp recovery is easier than #6. My intuition tells me that we will be fine, while my intuition with #6 told me - all along - that his would be a difficult delivery (and recovery). But like I said, one way or another he is coming and probably in the next 5 weeks.

 

Anyway, that's how I feel about it. I just tell myself to suck it up - the pain doesn't last forever and there is a great payoff!

post #6 of 17

My fears for this delivery are mostly emotional ones.  My c-section left deep scars, and it took me a long time to heal (thank goodness for MDC)--maybe 6 mos. to a year before I stopped having crippling flashbacks.  So I have a lot of emotional stuff riding on this VBAC, and I feel like a first timer all over again.  There are days when I tell myself babe is just going to fall out, like the "lucky" moms do it, and there are days when I know it will be another c-section and I try to make peace with that. 

 

But ultimately, the time will come, the laundry and dishes may or may not be done, and I will have to do my best.  Its sort of stressful and a relief at the same time, knowing that I can't control it.  If that makes any sense!

post #7 of 17

justKate, I feel like a first timer too--sounds like a given with what you went through!  With DD I was (unnecessarily) induced and ended up with an epidural and a downward spiral of interventions that thankfully ended with a vaginal birth but DD spent some time in the NICU (probably unnecessarily) and it screwed up bonding, etc etc.  For some reason, though, I feel like 'I can totally do this!  My body knows what to do!'  I hope I'm not being foolishly optimistic but I'm also in such a different (more confident) emotional place than I was 7 years ago with DD.  

 

My fears surround the possibility of delivering before my mom can get here (she's coming 1 week before my due date) to watch DD.  Which would be manageable if everything goes pretty quickly and easily and we have the home birth we want...but if something goes haywire and I end up in the hospital, we have pretty much no backup plan.  It's just how it goes--we have no family and so many close friends who recently moved and DD would not want to be anywhere but with one of us (me or DH)--I would probably end up in the hospital a large part of the time alone.  Honestly, I'm not even really considering the thought other than just acknowledging that if it happens, it happens, and we'd get through it.  I'm mainly focusing on keeping psyched that my body will do what it needs to do, labor will be relatively quick, I really have no other option than to get through it, right ;-)  I'm honestly more scared about the transition to life with 2 kiddos and helping DD adjust than anything surrounding labor/delivery/postpartum...maybe I'm delusional!

post #8 of 17

As the contractions come every ten minutes(and likely will until birth, as they have with the last 4 pregnancies) and my hips ache...I am definately remembering how intense this is. I am more afraid this time than I was the last two times.I don't know if it is the winter blahs adding to it, and I will feel better in Spring after having time to adjust to months of prodomal labor, or what, but I do not want to feel like I need to push every time I sit on the toilet or bend over. I go to the restroom several times a day and want to cry because it is just the baby being low and heavy and I don't really have to pee. :/   Which all sounds worse than it is, I am just a bit tired and achey right now. I actually love pregnancy and even love labor and delivery, but I am not "there" yet.

post #9 of 17

 Wendy, that is how I feel - low and heavy! Is it because we've had so many?

post #10 of 17

I think so. Even my really close together pregnancies didn't feel this way. Either that or it is age lol, and I think I'd rather it be multiple pregnancies!

post #11 of 17

 I imagine it's a little of both! LOL

post #12 of 17

I have been feeling a little anxious because my labor with dd2 was so amazing.  Im scared I can't repeat it.  I was able to relax through contractions and with the amazing support of my doula and my dh I went from 4 cm to 10 in 2 hours and had my baby only 2.5 hours after I reached the hospital.  I am doing a homebirth this time and even though I haven't gotten an epi with any of my births I feel nervous about having that "safety net" be gone.  I also keep reading about how third births are the wild card and you never know if they will be faster or  longer than the first birth.

 

My dh also despite the amazingness of my second birth says that he was traumatized and felt useless etc during the birth and so Im worried if I can't hold it together for him that he will have trouble.   I have talked to him and he says he will be there for me and will do what he needs to do no matter what but I don't want him to be traumatized again.  He has weird issues about birth.  I know he himself had a traumatic birth when he was born and I wonder if that is what it is.  He is constantly afraid he will lose me in childbirth which let me tell you, really does good things for my self confidence in birth.

 

Anyway, starting to feel a little anxious in case you couldn't tell.  lol.gif

post #13 of 17

This week I hav been very fearful of going to labor.  I was really hping that I could have a c-section this time around as my labor with DS was very long and difficult.  If I go into labor now (33wks 3days) which is a very good possibility if the bedrest does not work I will have to do vaginal unless something happens.  As the baby is measuring about 6.5 pounds and we know I can deliver an 8pound baby.  If I miraculously make it to 37wks we will do another US to check on the size of the baby as if it is bigger than 8pounds I could have a c-section.  Just trying to take it easy and not think about it but I am still scared. 

post #14 of 17

So this evening out of nowhere I'm completely fearing failure with this birth.  And I believe in intuition, and I can't tell whether I'm having some sort of intuitive thoughts about it or whether it is just anxiety over "failure" (unsuccessful VBAC attempt).  Its hard to put into words.  There's no doubt in my mind that i want to do this, that I want to try to have this baby naturally, but I can't help but wonder if I'm going to be any more successful than last time. 

 

I worry that having a better doula will mean I stay home too long and have baby on the side of the road, where something tragic happens. 

I am scared that the bridge will be open between my house and the hospital, and something awful will happen while we wait 20 min for it to close.

I worry that I'm going to misconstrue the blood/pain from a uterine rupture as "normal" because of the immense amount of blood I had with DD, despite everything being fine.

Or that any combination of these things will happen, while the bridge is open.

Ugh.

 

 

Rasa, I hear ya on worrying that DD will end up in the hospital room with us.  My parents are coming to watch her from 3 hours away, but I don't plan on calling them right away.  For now the plan is to have the portable DVD player charged, and hope that she isn't frightened by the whole thing if it comes to that.

post #15 of 17

I have an irrational fear of crowning.  I've been watching birth videos, heck I watched myself crown w/ DD in a mirror when I had her, and I know everything comes out fine, but for some reason, that part is freaking me out a little.  I'm sure I can do it, though.

 

Labor isn't scaring me as much this time around like it did w/ DD.  She was a hospital birth, this will be a home birth, hopefully water birth.  Last time, I was so worried about all the horrible interventions that could happen, and that took my pre-labor focus off of just getting through it.  I ended up not having any interventions per se, had a natural labor/delivery and it all went well.  I handled it great, and I know I can do it again.

 

My PP fear is hemerhoids (sp?).  I have a small one already, and I'm terrified it will get worse.  I had a bad one after DD was born that made the first 2-3 wks after her birth very uncomfortable.  Plus the after-pain meds they gave me made me constipated, which made the hemerhoids worse and passing a stool was as bad or worse than having the baby!!

post #16 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Christy1980 View Post

I have an irrational fear of crowning.  I've been watching birth videos, heck I watched myself crown w/ DD in a mirror when I had her, and I know everything comes out fine, but for some reason, that part is freaking me out a little.  I'm sure I can do it, though.

 

Labor isn't scaring me as much this time around like it did w/ DD.  She was a hospital birth, this will be a home birth, hopefully water birth.  Last time, I was so worried about all the horrible interventions that could happen, and that took my pre-labor focus off of just getting through it.  I ended up not having any interventions per se, had a natural labor/delivery and it all went well.  I handled it great, and I know I can do it again.

 

My PP fear is hemerhoids (sp?).  I have a small one already, and I'm terrified it will get worse.  I had a bad one after DD was born that made the first 2-3 wks after her birth very uncomfortable.  Plus the after-pain meds they gave me made me constipated, which made the hemerhoids worse and passing a stool was as bad or worse than having the baby!!

Christy, we talked about the first pp poo on the self-care thread. There are things you can do to mitigate the very scary, sometimes painful, first few poos.
 

 

post #17 of 17

I'm not fearful, per se. I'm much more anxious to get on with it than I am fearful. I do tend to dread labor each time.

 

I just pray that I have an easier delivery/recovery this time. At my last visit my OB told me about a delivery he'd done earlier that day. A mom had a prior inversion (like me) and had delivered the placenta without any problems. He said it took a little longer than normal (about 12 minutes) but that it was fine and he just did some fundal massage and she eventually got it out. He thought I'd like to hear that. I love my OB!

 

So, like I said ... while I dread the pain, I am so uncomfortable that I'd gladly welcome labor.

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