Wanting some perspective or feedback about this...
I planned a natural birth for my first child. I went through labour naturally but ended up with a c-section after he seemed to be stuck due to poor positioning. They tried to turn him but it didn't work.
I never regretted my c-section. I read birth stories from other women who had c-sections and felt traumatized by the experience but I never understood why someone would be upset if mom and baby were healthy. My c-section never bothered me. When I became pregnant again, I planned a homebirth but never worried about what would happen if I needed another c-section.
I got my homebirth. In many ways it was the ideal birth. My son was born healthy in the water. Two hours of labour from first contraction to babe in arms. No tearing. Healthy mom and baby. The midwives raved about what a beautiful birth it was. Everyone was very supportive and very positive during the birth, right down to the second midwife who gave me a leg massage while I was being checked for tearing. But I have such negative feelings about the experience. The recovery is harder than I thought it would be, even without tearing. I can't make sense in my head about what happened to me. I feel like my body is damagd in some way now, even though that doesn't make sense, and even though I scoffed at people who said the same thing about their c-sections. Sometimes I wish I had another c-section- I accepted that birth much easier than I am accepting this one. I'm not even sure what specifically I regret- everything went so well, exactly how I would have wanted things to go if I had been able to script it out. But I have been reduced to tears a few times when thinking about the experience, even while those around me happily ask me if I am "thrilled" about my successful birth.
Has anyone experienced something similar or am I just very weird?