First, I would like to go ahead and apologize for the length of this post.
DH and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. We have a 3 year old son together and together we raise my 6 year old daughter from another marrige.
DH and I are both young. I am 23, he is 22. When we got together, he had only been out of highschool for a short time. I had already been married and divorced and had a child, as I had gotten pregnant at 16 and dropped out of school to get married and start my family.
DH was also a virgin when I married him, which I like very much. He is an all around wonderful guy. We all love him a appreciate him very much. But I feel that he is stuck in high school phase. When I got with him, he was in a band and the band did what many other rock bands do- drink alot of alcohol and smoke alot of weed, pop pills occasionally and even use cocaine ever now and again.
He left most of that behind and only drinks a few beers every now and again and also smokes occasionally. A few years ago, when his BIL still lived with us, he introduced him to 'legal highs/natural highs' that he had found on the internet. BIL intoduced DH to these because they both worked at a factory that paid very well that also did drug screenings and they didnt want to loose their jobs.
Its been over a year since BIL moved out and ever since he first introduced DH to legal highs, he has been on them ever since. He was hooked on one called kratom and had a really hard time getting off of it. He was lots of severe withdrawl symptoms such a sweating and vomiting, It was serious. DH has never had much self control and doesnt know how to limit himself and use these legal highs once every now and again- he uses them CONSTANTLY. Even BIL made comments about his use. He would get us at 3:00am to go to work, and drink 2 bottles of kratom ( which is like a natural muscel relaxer-very strong and addictive ) and fall asleep on the ride to work, so he would chug several energy drinks to wake himself up enough to work. It just didnt make since to me nor anyone else why he would do this to himself. Why take a 'downer' when you know you need to wake up?
After he got off of thatm he moved on to legal smokes, which is the issues now. He was even used a legal product that suppose to feel like cocaine. He now smokes MANY times day. He is high from the time he gets up until he goes to bed. He stayes messed up. I havent seen him sober in awhile and when I do, it only last for a day or 2 until he gets his next order in the mail.
He lost his job over 10 months ago and has since had nothing to do except get messed up. He is now going to college, which just started in January and he acts like a child about getting up in the morning. I have to wake him up to go to a simple 45 minute algebra class. He wines and tells me that Im acting like his mother because I ask him to go since he is the one that wanted to do this in the first place. I personally, didnt want him to go to school because I though he should get a job and support his family right now. My 6 year old does a beeter job at getting up for school in the morning. He makes me feel like crap. Im not his mother- im his wife. Im tired of havng to be his mom and having to remind him to be responsible. This is pushing up apart.
It is obvious to me that Im much more mature than DH which is understandable- ive been through much more than him and have learnt more about life.
He will now go from doing the legal cocaine, which gives him lots of energy and will literally keep him up for days to smoking bowl after bowl of legal smoke to calm him down enough for sleep. And sometimes hell do another line inbetween and then complain abotu not being able to go to sleep. This is getting ridiculus.
Im down to my last nerve. Two days ago, DH and I had a long talk about his low self esteem and how that relates to the legal drugs and his actions. I felt that I had finally made a break through with him. I explained how his child hood played a major role in his life and how he looks at himself. We talked for over 3 hours. He cried and cried and finally opended up to me. Afterwards, he even looked younger and happier. It was like a fog had been in his eyes and suddenly it had cleared. He started applying what I had taught him about writting him his journal and really healing old wounds so that he could grow. It was a great . I was very happy for him and very proud of myself.
But this morning, he had a tantrum about having to go to class. He said some hurtful things to me.
Any advice> ANy BTDT stories for me?
Thanks in advance.