Queer Conceptions March 2012 - Page 17

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by rs11 

Hey everyone, thanks for all the good wishes. We thought we were prepared for the news; we shouldn't have expected anything else with that low beta, but we were still praying for a miracle. We're both pretty devastated. What surprises me is how angry I am; SO many people get pregnant at the drop of a hat, and then this happens to us. I'm probably not going to be around much for the next few days.

We're going to try again this cycle. Hopefully, we'll have better news next month.

I do have a question, and if anyone know the answer I'd be grateful. They said this wasn't likely to happen again even though I have PCOS, but if it did, would that mean there's something wrong with my eggs and we would need IVF?

Sorry there's no personals. I don't have the energy right now.

I'm sorry again :( I don't know the stats...but I do have my own experiences. I had 3 miscarriages before DD - there was nothing "wrong" with me. My pregnancy with DD was amazing with no complications at all. There is no reason to think you can't have a perfectly healthy pregnancy after an early m/c. There are so many stats out there...m/c are VERY common...especially early ones. Also, if it's any consolation, it is believed that you are extra fertile right after a m/c so your odds are ever better. Take care and heal well.

[lisedea]

rs11--I second Carmen's response. Miscarriages are more common than what you might expect--after my first one, I had SO many people come out of the woodwork with their own stories. I personally think even more occur than what statistics say because people are either staying quiet or do not even know they had one because of how early it occurred. Hang in there and hold out hope that you could be one of the lucky ones that gets pregnant right after an early loss because your body is already in the "pregnancy mode". BUT...keep in mind that even if you don't, it doesn't mean that something is wrong with you--you just haven't found the right egg yet to produce your perfect baby!

[KnittingTigers]

rs- Chiming in to repeat what everyone else has said- it's totally normal. I had an early loss the first time I got pregnant, and my pregnancy with DD was so amazingly easy and low-risk. I know how much it sucks to feel like, "Oh, we had it!" and then to lose it. I'm really sorry. Big hugs.

Cananny- Sending hopes for AF's arrival so that you can get on with things!

Hopeful- I actually had to limit my exposure to kids while I was TTC the first time. Not because I got jealous of all those fertile people, but rather because I kept getting freaked out that I was voluntarily bringing one of those things (um, children) upon myself! The good news is that, for me anyway, having my own kid has been totally different than watching someone else's. Obviously I get worn out/fed up sometimes, but I also have this love for her that makes it all so worthwhile. In any case, totally normal!

AFM, I think we finally settled on a new donor. Did you guys know you can get gay donors now from a sperm bank now?!? That wasn't an option when we were TTCing before (not at our bank, anyway), and we were delighted to discover that it now is. Bring on the gaybies! I have an appointment on Monday at the fertility clinic. I'm feeling a little nervous- our last doctor was super queer friendly, but didn't take our insurance. This clinic is actually the only place my insurance will pay for, so I'm hoping it's okay. I'm right in the middle of my cycle now, and we're hoping to inseminate next cycle. A month feels like a long time to wait, but that's okay.

Sorry, I know I'm missing lots of people. Thinking of everyone...

[esenbee2]

Everytime our DD is throwing one of her tantrums or is in one of her oh-so-fun toddler "moods," we think, Do we really want another one???  lol.  But still, the sweet moments and watching her develop is SO worth it.  Like this morning on the way out the door, DD spotted the small strawberry plant with 2 tiny strawberries and she was EXTREMELY excited about it:  "Daddy!  You have 2 strawberries!  Your strawberries are growing!  TODAYYY!  It's spring!"  And then she gave extra hugs and kisses to him and was in a good mood when I dropped her off at daycare.  Makes me totally forget about how upset I was about her spitting out corn and refusing to swallow at dinner last night...........

[KnittingTigers]

esenbee- Cute story! Is your DP trans? My partner is ftm, and I love connecting with other trans couples in the south! (We live in NC.)

[junebug1]

rs -  i am so, so sorry to read this news.  sending  your way.  i agree with the others that this isn't an indication your eggs are bad or that you'll need IVF.  i think early miscarriages happen way more often than we know.

cananny - hope AF shows soon.  she's always MIA when you want her, and right there when you dont!

angela - how cool to be able to use a gay donor! hope your appointment goes smoothly on monday.

esenbee - such a sweet story! *melt*

[esenbee2]

AngelaM -mostly, but only out to me, with no real plans for transitioning.  Right now we are at a comfortable place in our lives.  DSp is a pretty private person and isn't very keen on letting everyone we know in on such personal details.  So, we go on through life with everyone assuming we are the everyday regular lesbian couple.  Everyone uses Daddy and male pronouns in referring to him with DD.  Everyone seems to go along with it, not asking any hardcore questions.  I try to avoid using pronouns at all when referring to him with anyone else, mostly because it just feels wrong to use 'she' or 'her'.  I use the term 'spouse' a lot to keep from having to say 'wife' because he doesn't like for me use the term 'husband' publicly.  We pretty must just identify ourselves as queer to ourselves.  It feels like a more fitting term for us right now.

[mrsandmrs]

angela - If we're not pregnant with this cycle, we're switching to TSBC for our next cycle, and I already picked out a donor who's some kind of queer. I realized that they list donors as "cannot be shipped to NY" if they have a sexual history that includes men. I'm not all about "engineering a perfect child" but I love the idea of keeping the queer genes alive. 

[esenbee2]

We had our first RE appointment since 2010 when our original plan was reciprocal surrogacy. Our Dr. moved and we were taken by another Dr. in the practice. I was a little nervous because I have never had a male Dr. before. Well, the Dr. turned out to be absolutely fabulous. Listened to everything we had to say and asked what we thought about everything he wanted to do during the cycle. He seemed very accommodating and had an easy personality. DSp and I were very impressed.

If it doesn't work out this cycle, we will be having a Hysterosalpingogram to check for blockage of the fallopian tubes and then the following cycle, try a letrozole/Femara cycle, with a trigger shot.

We are pretty happy with our appointment.

[Cananny]

I need to vent here.. i cant IRL...

DP and I have close friends who we spend a fair amount of time with and DP is their daughter's nanny 3x a week.. so we are pretty close... our friends do not really get along that well.. even sleeping in different rooms.. they fight a lot... we love them dearly.. but they have a lot of stuff they need to work out...

well today they got a BFP.. they have it so easy .. and got pregnant on 1st try...  I knew i would take it hard.. but i am taking it extremely hard.. i had a lot of tears.. and this hurt more than my own BFN :(

I dont want to see them or hang out . or know anything about their pregnancy.. i even said something so mean to my DP.. I love them.. but this is really unfair :( 

how am i supposed to get through this :(

[darthtunaqueen]

Cananny, that kind of story makes my stomach roll.  :(  I was chatting with a TTC (straight) coworker, and she and DH have been at it hardcore for 5 months now with nothing.  Another (particularly annoying and young) co-worker who is getting married in a "good proper christian marriage" (i.e. no sex before marriage) is like "oh, hahaha, we'll just let it happen".  AAUUGGGH, she'll probably be pregnant by the time she's into her honeymoon and this other co-worker and I will be cringing and trying not to slap her.  :P

Sorry, not a lot of time for personals today.  RS I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.  :(  Junebug, holding out for you!!!

Yesterday DW and I celebrated FIVE YEARS of being together, since I sucked it up FIVE YEARS AGO and kissed a (straight) girl, and she liked it, and now she's married to me.  HAHA!  She even came with the knife set AND a toaster oven!!  I tease her about being the spaghetti girl (straight until wet).  Our one year wedding anniversary is coming up too.  We got married SO WE COULD START TTC RIGHT AWAY.

*headdesk*

She got her referral for the fertility clinic today.  KD was supposed to get his swim team checked again today.... I haven't spoken with him, so I hoped it happened... uurrgg...  It's just not happened for whatever reason, we've never had a BFP, so she's not even getting pregnant.  So frustrating, since we've clicked through our ninth cycle at home with KD.  Moving on then....

Peace out to ya'll!!

[lisedea]

Cananny--Ugg, I am so, so sorry. I wish i had more to say rather than just letting you know that I know how horrible it feels. I even had someone have the audacity a few days ago to tell me that I needed to show some more happiness to my pregnant/new parent co-workers (I am nice to them--but I do try and avoid--especially after my most recent m/c and BFN). I could have punched her.

Allison--I forget, has your DW gotten her blood work done?

Monday marks D and my 4 years of being married. She is already off island doing clinical hours so I am going to meet her sometime tomorrow to spend the next couple of days hiking in the Upper Peninsula and visiting breweries. We really wanted to bring our dogs but were surprised to find out that there aren't any trails that we are allowed to take them on. We have gotten pretty spoiled over these past years living on the island--we can take them anywhere we want (hiking trails, beaches, bars...).

[carmen358]

Big hugs, Cananny.

esenbee, I'm glad you had a good appointment :)

Allison: What clinic are you going with? I don't think I chimed in when you asked but I've dealt with PCRM (not with IUI) and they are all so nice and really amazing from what I saw.

Angela: Hooray for a new donor!

Lise: Just hi (cuz it seems like forever since I've "seen" you on here) :)

Afm: It's our last full day in Vegas. I'm feeling much better from the flu. DP is sort of nauseous but not quite sick so we're hoping she has escaped it! We're up early this morning to head for breakie and to see the dophins and tigers. Not my fave thing to do but DD will like seeing them up close. After an odd start my AF is full on now and seems quite normal. We're hoping to try this cycle so I can be moved to "waiting to O"!! I really, really hope I don't have any spotting left over from the m/c...we'll skip this cycle if I do, which would suck. Bring on the Capricorn babies!

[carmen358]

Posted multiple times..sorry.

[carmen358]

And again.

[pokeyAC]

Happy Anniversary Lisedea!  About your co-worker--Dontcha wish you could just punch people sometimes?  People shouldn't tell other people how to feel.

Happy Anniversary Allison!  I hope you don't have a headache after banging your head on your desk yesterday.    Life does not work out the way we plan sometimes.  I hope the clinic sheds some light on your situation and is helpful.

esenbee- I'm so glad your appointment went well.  I'm sure doctors who don't engender trust and warm feelings can help us get pregnant too, but feeling good about your helpers reduces our stress and is just so much nicer.

mrsandmrs-Your new donor sounds great but I hope you don't need to use him!  I noticed the cannot ship to New York thing too and I thought it was cool, but they weren't good matches for us.

Cananny-- That sucks a lot.  I'm sorry you are going through this.  I think it's ok to be totally angry at them and the situation.  I would be p***ed off too!  It's not fair.  I guess that's the baby lottery.  Someone else winning doesn't take away from your chances but it feels that way.  Do they know the struggle you've been going through?  If so, I hope they were at least sensitive to that when they told you the news.  If they are good friends they should understand that you just can't be happy for them now.

AFU-I've been feeling kind of down because when I told my wife my breasts were sore she got a sad look on her face and shortly after that started talking about what we should do differently next cycle.  It kind of made me mad that she was being pessimistic and counting us out already.  She said she has faith in me and my body but she doesn't want to get her hopes up so she won't feel disappointed.  I feel the opposite, assume the best until we know otherwise.  I guess we're just different that way.  My temperature dipped today and that freaked me out.  It's been pretty good this LP.  But then I got to work and googled and it turns out that can be a sign of implantation, and that made me feel a lot better.  I'm 9DPO so I'm still in the window.  We'll see.  Today I am going to acupuncture and it's Friday and those things make me very happy.

to all

[darthtunaqueen]

Lisa, that's BRUTAL.  Why are people so cruel?  :(  DW gets all her blood work done when we get our appointment at the clinic, and they do TONS of bloodwork.  She may also have the test where they put radio opaque  dye into your uterus to check for blocked tubes. 

Carmen, we got a referral for Genesis...  I really don't know much about all of them, except that friends who were TTC used them and now have a toddler and were really happy with them.  I've heard good things about UBC Fertility clinic too (which is handily enough on the same campus I work at!).

Pokey, I hope this is it for you!  :)

Question: does anyone know how to change your user name or how to delete your account?  I've looked several times and can't find anything...  when I joined, I clicked "log in with Facebook" and the damn thing gave me my full name as a username, which I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable with...  

Thanks!

[junebug1]

esenbee - that's awesome you clicked with the new doc, i think it's so important to have a good relationship with your RE. sounds like a great plan for moving ahead!

cananny -   i think it's okay to take the time and space you need from the friendship.  you've gotta protect yourself first.

allison - happy anniversary!  to answer your question, you have to send a PM to the web director Cynthia Mosher and request your username be changed.  tell her the reason why and what you want it to be changed to.  i did this recently and she was very helpful (though it didn't solve my problem - i'd thoughtlessly posted my kids' names, which made me searchable, which i hated.  when i changed usernames, it changed the username on all of my old posts, so the same problem existed - hence, new account all together recently).

lisdea - happy anniversary to you too!!

carmen - fingers crossed for your capricorn baby!

pokey - i'll be optimistic with you!!

afu - beta doubled nicely this morning  i'm breathing a bit easier, at last.

[darthtunaqueen]

Junebug, OOOOHHHH DOUBLING BETA!!!!  YAY!!!!!  And thanks for the info, I have done that.  

So if ya'll suddenly see darthtunaqueen, it's just me.  Under a different identity.  But still happily out of the closet (what closet?  I came out 11 years ago and promptly burnt that stupid thing to the ground!).

[gellybeangrl]

Junebug Y-eah for doubling beta...! Parade to come later...on my phone.