~~Infertility ONE Thread March 2012~~ - Page 8

[Milk8shake]

If I were superstitious, I would say that I am not meant to post here.  I wrote a nice intro post the other night, and then my puppy walked past and pulled my laptop cord out, and it crashed and I lost it.  I did another this morning, and then MDC went down, and I lost that one too.

I am hesitant enough to post here in the first place, and it's kind of like the universe is telling me not to!  But a few people have told me that I should check this thread out - most recently, a certain raptor-loving friend (and GRAD!).  I've ummed and ahhhed about it for a while now.  You can see in my sig that I'm certainly not the technical definition of "infertile", and I don't really wanna be in a place that I'm going to make anyone uncomfortable.  

But, I've been here (MDC) a long while now.  My "safe" threads, and their inhabitants have all but disappeared (ie, successful pregnancies).  I've been posting in the loss forums for what feels like a million years (three, actually), but I really don't fit there anymore.  It has had an incredibly high turnover in recent months, and I am getting tired of putting energy into people who ultimately leave and never come back.  I guess most of the women there really can't relate to recurrent loss.  Also, I'm getting into some pretty in depth testing, and plan on very high intervention in the next phase of ttc/pregnancy, which I don't think a lot of people understand either.

Anyhow, I've been reading along here for the last week or so.  I recognise a few faces too .  I thought I should just throw myself out there and see if y'all would mind me hanging out here.  

If you think it will be awkward, just tell me - I can take it.  I won't be offended.  

PS: Sila - I'm glad you had such a productive RE appointment.

[hope4light]

Sourire - thanks for asking!  It's a tough story, but the fact that we lived through it and came out the other side in one piece is proof positive that a good strong relationship can make it, even if it seems like it can't, or won't.  It's such a shitty road to be on, and if I can, at any time, help someone communicate better simply by telling my story, then I will tell it over and over and over again!!  Yeah for the last dose of Femara! 

shesaidboom - I'm so sorry about the BFN.  I'm glad that you're going to check into IVF now.  If it's wearing on you that much, and you're willing to move on, then the RE should be willing to listen. 

Sila - wow, that sounds like an awesome appointment!!  I'm so glad it went well!  It sounds like this RE really knows what you need in your specific situation.  Talk about building that trust from day 1, there is nothing better than feeling that way and being comfortable then with how he moves on.  It amazed me that my past RE hadn't done and HSG either, it seems like it's such standard protocal!  Hopefully if you have to wait it's only a cycle, and maybe the HSG will help force ovulation so it'll be a 'normal' cycle that allows you to move on!!  Keep us posted about the test for DH.  At least then you'll know, and won't continue to do something that really would never work for you.
 

Milk - Welcome!  You are absolutely welcome here!  Recurrent Loss fits into the IF world if you ask me.  So what that you can get pregnant, possibly unlike some of us, if you can't CARRY that pregnancy!!!  Have they done testing to try to figure out why the losses?  What are you doing now, and what are your next steps?  Fill us in!
 

[monkeyscience]

MILK!!! Please come here, so much easier to stalk you when I already stalk this thread! And there is at least one other lady here with RPL, though she doesn't post a lot right now. I'm so curious to hear about your plans for the future. Did you finally find someone to do all the special immune testing and treatment?

Other wonderful ladies, I know I am sucking at personals. I make so many comments in my head that never get typed. I will try harder!

[Sourire]

shesaidboom - how did it go with your RE? Did you manage to convince her to let you do IVF? It seems silly that an RE would unilaterally decide what to do with your treatment without taking your opinion into consideration... after all it's your life, your body, your money and as long as they give you all the info you need to make the decision, it should be YOUR decision.

Sila - that's so exciting about your new RE! It sounds like this guy has what it takes to get you pregnant! I hope all the testing brings you the answers you need.

wissa - this is cycle 5 of Femara, cycle 4 of Crinone and cycle 3 of IUI. I really don't think its going to work but the plan was to do 3 IUI's so I'm just getting it over with so I can move on to other things. I have an appointment with my RE next week to discuss the next steps. I might ask them to increase my Crinone dosage at the same time, I feel like that's my only chance of things working this month.

Milk - welcome! I remember you from the BSL thread even though I didn't post much on there. I definitely think you belong in this group... after all we all want the exact same thing: getting to hold our baby in our arms, even though we all take different paths to reach that goal. What would you like your blurb to say in the first post?

[shesaidboom]

silamarila - I am so glad your RE experience was good! I'm so excited for you!

milk8shake - welcome! Of course you're welcome to post here. I hope we're able to support you on your journey.

Sourire - it went well. We are jumping on the IVF train! The only issue is my weight, which I need to drop fast.

AFM, so I talked to our RE and she agreed that we are ready for IVF. GOOD! She doesn't do IVF, so we will be doing it with another doctor at the clinic. The only issue is my weight is higher than they want it to be for IVF, so I need to lose some first. So I'm stepping up the diet. Instead of pictures of models on my fridge to keep me from eating, there will be a picture of a baby. I'm only half joking. Oh, infertility.

[teresaresa]

toothfairy: BFNs suck – sorry friend.  I’m sorry you won’t be able to take more time off after your surgery. I hope the time you do get at home will be peaceful J Mmmm…. Cadbury Cream Eggs. Yum. Must find some now. Sorry you had to give your kitty up, but hopefully your cousin will fall in love with her.

SilaMarila: Camping sounds like so much fun! We used to camp every summer, but we’ve gotten out of the habit. I think I’ll propose a camping trip for June/July. It would be good to reconnect with Mother Nature.  I am so super psyched about your RE appointment. It would stink if you had to jump straight to IVF, but on the other hand, at least you have a plan with clear action steps. Looking forward to hearing about your HSG and DH’s spermie tests. April has got to be a better month for all of us… March kinda stunk. PS. Wearing maternity jeans at 7 weeks is just ridiculous. I’d be annoyed too. How’s the Candida diet going?

shesaidboom: I’m sorry about the BFN lovely lady. BUT, great news that your RE is going to support you on the road to IVF. When do you have your first appointment with the new doctor? I can’t believe you need to lose weight. You look like a skinny Minnie to me (on your wedding website). If you need to lose weight, then I’m in serious trouble come IVF time!! I know you’ll do great – a picture of a baby on the fridge is sure to be great motivation!

hope4light: thanks for sharing your story. I imagine your marriage is so much stronger now. With all the emotions we’re going through thanks to IF, it’s hard sometimes to use those communications skills we know we should be using. Did you start the Lupron? I’m so excited for your cycle!! Woo hoo!!!

Sourire: I love your “minimize med side effects” plan. Wish I could follow it too! I just don’t have that much discipline, sadly. Are you having your u/s Wednesday as in tomorrow? That seems like so soon after finishing your Femara! But I guess in Feb, I went in on CD10 too, so…. It just all goes so quickly sometimes. It was really torture waiting for CD15 this month!

Wissa19!!!! Missing you – I need to make time to go stalk you over on the grads thread J

chicajones: “chica, chica jones, where are you?” (Scooby doo theme) – I miss you!

Milk8Shake: Welcome! May your stay with us be short. I think we all agree that RPL falls into the realm of IF, and hopefully, we’ll be able to offer you support and comfort on your journey. Come here to scream, curse, cry, and even laugh sometimes – we’ll all be here to help in any way we can.

AFM: Various people asked various things of my cycles, so hopefully I’ll catch everyone. I think generally my follicles have been around 16 or 17 on trigger day. I’ve never had two strong follicles in one go, though. Technically, DH does not have sperm issues, but we’re in the process of reevaluating that situation.  I went back to the RE on Thursday afternoon for IUI #1 and my trigger shot. DH had gone to the office before me to give up the goods. Count was at 40 million with motility at 10-20%. Not great, but not the end of the world. IUI was fine … just the usual cramping. The HGC injection site always hurts for a few days after – does anyone else get that? We went back together on Friday AM. We waited over an hour for the sample to be cleaned only to find out that there was 0% motility. So, no IUI. I had to get to work so we didn’t discuss. Long story short, he ditched me Friday night to go out with friends (we were supposed to go to the movies). I was furious. Huge fight. Huge. Resolved it enough to have a decent weekend together. Talked to my therapist about it Monday. Figured out that he’s way behind me in processing all of this because he’s really only been “involved” for the last four months of IUIs. Previously, he didn’t have to actively do anything (other than have sex). Now, it’s more real for him. We had a good adult talk about it all last night. I told him that I won’t try to control him or tell him what to do, but he has to do something. I can’t be trying to make sure my lady parts are the best they can be if he’s not going to try and make sure his swimmers are the best they can be. I tried to reframe it for him and instead of saying that his swimmers suck (which is his view), I told him that his swimmers are good, but they could be better. And, I said that’s true for everyone. No one (or maybe some rare demi-god) has perfect swimmers, so there’s always room for improvement and it’s his job to make sure they are the best they can be. That seemed to resonate for him. Part of me feels like he’s a teenager who just doesn’t feel like doing the work. I told him that going straight to IVF or taking a month off (his suggestions) would be me letting him get away with not putting in the work. And I refuse to let him off the hook. So, he said he would call the doctor. We’ll see, but at least I got it all out on the table!! DH is visiting his fam in VT the next two days which I think will be good for both of us. Other than that, the 2ww has been relatively uneventful. Keeping my fingers crossed that one perfect sperm found one of my perfect eggs and that they are about to live happily ever after for nine months in my uterus J Thanks for listening ladies.

[mexilady]

Sorry about all the bfn's, they totally suck. In the same boat. I give myself a day to feel sorry for myself and then I get motivated for the next cycle. Welcome milk, this is an amazing group of women!

[Milk8shake]

Thanks y'all.  Maybe the universe isn't against me joining after all!  

I'm not going to jump straight into personals, because that would be well, too personal.  I'd like to get to know you first!  

Monkey & Sourire, it's good to see some familiar faces - and Monkey, don't worry, I stalk you too... ever so quietly and sneakily.  

I guess I will fill you all in on me  <brace yourselves>

I've lost 5 pregnancies in the last three years.  It's been a long and rocky road, physically and emotionally.  We've had nearly every test in the book, and all of my babies seemed to have been fine, except my last little girl, who was found to have downs syndrome.  The problem appears to be with me, although they haven't been able to narrow down what the problem is - yet.

I do have a known uterine abnormality (unicornuate uterus) which basically means I have half a uterus.  I've known about this since I was about 20, and was always warned that it might make for a difficult pregnancy in the latter stages, but supposedly it is NOT the cause of my RPL.  Oh, and id I mention the endometriosis? 

The last two pregnancies I was taking aspirin, progesterone, and clexane.  I've also tried a vasodilator, with no success (obviously).  I'm reasonably convinced that I have some manner of immune issues, but none of the doctors I have seen (and there are a LOT) will take this seriously.  They all think I should just "keep trying".

Anyhow, I have an appointment next week with the "top" reproductive immunologist in Oz.  I'm flying interstate to see him, and to have a biopsy to test for natural killer cells.  Even if my test comes back negative or normal, I am going to ask for a prophylactic treatment plan, because I don't feel like I can do this again without a plan.  Also, I did email him my history a few weeks back, and he replied saying that he thinks he may be able to help. 

Having said all of that, after having a million and one tests, I don't have a lot of hope for this one.  I am definitely expecting my results to be normal, because that's what always happens.  I'm definitely not expecting any answers, because I haven't had any as yet.  I am totally underwhelmed by all of it, and I am past thinking that there is going to be some sort of "magic answer" to my issue.  I guess part of the reason that I ended up here is because I don't just want to be in a thread where there is blatant fake positivity.  I feel like I need realism and not blind optimism.

Which is not to say that I won't be secretly hopeful, but I don't want to get my hopes up.  It's tiring, and heartbreaking.  

Oh, and we are avoiding this cycle, due to the testing.

I guess my blurb can be:

Me (28) & Him (29) TTC#1 since 04/2009.  Battling recurrent pregnancy loss, endometriosis and a wonky uterus.  Currently on hiatus, awaiting NKC biopsy on 29/03.

[toothfairy2be]

Welcome Milk8shake! I was on BSL too, changed my username (formerly cbaa2010). I'm glad you are here with us. I think RPL is certainly included. We all hope for eachother to graduate, long term, ASAP, but it is certainly my most favorite pace to pass the time. Your NKC appt & my Lap are the same day. Well, technically since I'm 24ish hours behind you it is the day before. i'll be thinkn of you!

Too late to post to all but I was reading along all day. Catch you in the Morning!

[hope4light]

shesaidboom - yeah for jumping on the IVF train!  I'm so glad that your RE listened to you, it makes all the difference.  Have you met the other one in the practice that'll be doing the IVF yet?  Did you like her/him?  When are you going to get started?

teresa - yep, started Lupron Monday night, so I'm 2 shots (of too many) in LOL.  I'm sorry that you guys got into such a big fight, but it really sounds like you sat down and talked it out.  That's awesome, and will help so much to get through it all.  I'm hoping that you'll get your BFP!

mexi - sorry about the BFN

Milk - your story is heartbreaking to me.  I can't imagine getting pregnant only to lose it, again and again.  Keep pushing until they figure out what's wrong, obviously it's something or else you wouldn't be in this situation!!!  Unfortunately I don't know anything about RPL and causes....   I also think it's crap that they tell you to just keep trying.  It's obvious that something must be wrong!!  at least to my non medical mind.  I have to think if you just find the right doctor, the one that will listen to you, that you will be able to figure it all out. 

Hope.  It's one of those things.  We all need it, but it's part of what makes this so difficult.  There's nothing worse than hoping, and believing that it'll work, only to have another failure - whatever that failure is.  It IS tiring, and heartbreaking.  I hope you get your miracle soon!

[SilaMarila]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone! I'm a little late on this, but sorry about the BFNs around here. Can April be better please?

Milk - Welcome! We definitely understand the high-tech stuff over here! I totally understand how draining it can be to try to explain it over and over to people. I hope your testing reveals some answers. I just have to think/hope that this is going to happen for you sooner than later.

Hope - I also appreciated your relationship story and suggestions. Thanks. I definitely DO trust this new Dr! DH on the other hand seems to think all of Reproductive Medicine is a scam and that they suggests all of these tests and treatments to make payments on their Mercedes. Ugh! I need him to just go and hear it from the Dr. I don't want to do something that won't work though. Of course I'll be keeping you all updated.

Teresa - I'm excited about camping! We only went once last year but we used to go more. I'm a little sad because I was pg last years trip ugh. We camp by the beach so it's nice. Especially since the dolphins are starting to come into the cove to mate and raise babies in the next few months. So, I failed at my diet. I'm modifying it for now during AF and then trying again. I made it a solid week. PMS/AF especially on Provera seems to just make me need to EAT constantly. I thought I was going to die and had a moment of weakness. I'm still not doing much sugar at all, no fruit even, but I had some coconut water and chocolate...I think the worst of the hungries has passed. When I read your post I was wondering if your DH had a talk with mine??? Seriously, we had a big non-IF argument, then I had my appointment the next day and it just made everything hard. Like I said, it's like he thinks it's all lies and a scam. One of his defense mechanisms is to make jokes about it all and pretend it's all not real. So I get you on feeling like he's a teenager. This leaves me utterly defeated and feeling like I'm doing this alone and like he doesn't want it. We also had a pretty good talk about it but have more work to do. He reminded me that even though he does/says these things he still does all his tests and appointments and has been changing his diet and going to acupuncture weekly and has been pulling his weight. I think it really hit him hard that this Dr. is all about HIM not me. That technically right now, I'm not the one in the infertile category, HE is. I'm sorry you only got 1 IUI. All you need it one though! I really hope it works out for you. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your DH is right, those sperm weren't all that great. I commend you for encouraging him. My DH's motility is under 20% but he has no A Motility swimmers. I hope yours at least has the fast straight shooting ones. We'll see if all the work he has been doing has changed anything. Hugs.

Shesaidboom - Yeah for moving on! I'm interested since we may or may not be heading that direction.

Cbaa - I thought of you yesterday as I was listening to a podcast. I know IVF is out of the question for you because of religious personal reasons (right?), but what about embryo adoption/donation? Sorry if that is too personal. I got excited that we were cycle buddies, then I remembered your surgery and our testing and how this cycle is probably nothing anyways and instead of being too sad I tried to be excited that we are moving forward in other ways. 

Sourire - I'm sorry like you are feeling like you are just getting the 3rd IUI out of the way so you can move on. Would a laproscopy be next if this one fails? If you can talk your Dr. into it? Is he pushing just straight to IVF?

AFM - The talk about potential IVF did not really go well. DH and I have struggled this week. All he sees is $$$ not our future child. It's hard. Meanwhile he wants to buy all of these other little things. A $100 here and a $100 there is going to add up. And the man who was never open to adoption because he so badly wanted another biological child suddenly is because it may be cheaper? He wants other child, he just wants it his way and he admits to that. The free way. Sorry honey, I'm not going to say it can't happen, but our chances are almost none.

[Sourire]

shesaidboom - I'm SO happy your doctor listened to you! I'm sure IVF is going to work for you because the success rates are way higher than anything else you've tried so far. What's your plan for losing weight? How much time are they giving you to lose the weight before you get to start IVF?

Teresa - sorry your 2nd IUI didn't work out. I think if your DH had to give 2 samples less than 24h apart, it's normal for the 2nd sample to have worse quality. Though 0% motility is pretty disappointing. My clinic requires the husband to abstain for 48 hours before giving a sample, maybe you could talk to your Dr next time about timing the IUIs differently in order to maximize sperm quality.

It sucks that your DH is not as committed to all of this as you are. Hopefully some of what you said got through to him and he will eventually come around to being willing to try harder. It's always so much harder to go through all this if our DH isn't behind us 100%.

Mexilady - sorry about your BFN. Were you taking any meds this cycle? What is your plan for next month?

Milk - In my opinion, any Dr who dismisses your concerns and tells you to keep trying after 5 losses is a complete idiot and you're better off without him. Pretty crazy that you have to fly out of state just to find someone who will take you seriously though. Have you had any treatment for your endo? I listened to a podcast the other day where they were interviewing one of the top specialists in endometriosis in the USA and the guy was saying that 1/3 of women with endo have immune issues that will either prevent them from getting pregnant or cause recurrent miscarriages.

Sila - maybe if you show your DH some stats on IVF success rates it will help persuade him that RE's aren't getting rich for no reason? I'm a huge fan of statistics. Anyways hopefully once your DH agrees to all the testing you guys will find out that neither of you is infertile and you'll get your BFP as soon as you start ovulating regularly.

I have no idea what my RE is going to recommend but I will be pushing for a lap and possibly IVF (the wait list for IVF is 6 months so I figure I might as well get my name on the list).

AFM - just had my u/s today. I'm triggering tonight and my IUI is on Friday. It's almost ridiculous how consistent my cycles are, my u/s results were practically identical to last month! 1 follicle @ 21mm on the right side, lining @ 9mm (vs 22mm follie & 8mm lining last cycle). Of course if my cycle is entirely consistent with last one, it will also be a BFN :P

[brichole1214]

I'm so sorry that i haven't been around this month.  There's a lot of stuff going on...professionally and personally that i'm trying to make it thru.  Things are getting much better at work, which is great....but things at home not so much.  I just feel like over the past month or so me and DH have started drifting further apart and we are just going thru the motions.  I HATE feeling this way...and i just don't know what to do about it!!!  We have only been together like 2 times this month because of DH going on 3rd shift and maybe that's what the problem is...but I feel like it runs deeper than that.  I miss you ladies so much!!!  I want to send out lots of hugs to everyone who's gotten a BFN lately, Congrats for BFPs, HI to all the new ladies!!!

[SilaMarila]

Sourire - I haven't given him the stats recently or the stats for the new fertility center. But I already know he isn't as much as a stats person as I am. But, if you were wondering their IVF success rate (pregnancy to live births) at this center for our age group without donor eggs is 57.7%. That includes the most difficult cases. Some centers refuse difficult cases so they can boost their stats but they say they don't. The rate with donor egg is 81%!!! I'm interested what your RE will recommend as the next step, but holding out hope for this cycle! I'm always amazed at how fast your cycles seem to go by. Wow, 6 months?!?! That must be because of the way insurance works in Canda I'm assuming? My RE made it sound like we could get started right away. However they often have you go through 2-3 cycles if they think it will result in more eggs/better quality/better chance.

Milk - I'm also curious, why aren't you being treated for your endo? Have you had a lap? It's a miracle you have been able to conceive with endo and half a uterus! It seems like as soon as someone can figure out the missing link your chances could be good...

brichole - I chart stalked you earlier and was wondering how you were doing. I hope you can make some time for you and DH soon. I hear ya on the opposite schedules and not being able to connect.

AFM - I haven't been in a 2ww since December. 3 months. I feel like I just really need to be in a 2ww soon. I need to be able to hope that there is a baby in there. DH's test is scheduled for Tues, my HSG is scheduled for next Fri CD11 (they wanted it between CD9-12). I learned today that you can't have unprotected sex from CD1 until after the HSG. I had never heard anyone mention this. I guess they don't want anything in the uterus and some ppl freakishly ovulate that early as well. I think I might die. TMI but it's going on 9days no sex. DH's schedule, then on his off days we argued and didn't want to touch each other, then AF and he can't handle it (he even tried for like .3 seconds), now he's back to work and he has his test and has to abstain from Sat until the test. I think we have a couple condoms somewhere I can dig out if we can squeeze something in. We are both so bitchy and picking at each other constantly and I know that is the main reason. 

[hope4light]

Sila - I agree, your DH just needs to go hear it from the RE.  I'm sorry that the talk of IVF didn't go well.  I hate it when they don't realize that a little here and a little there that could be saved and not spent on meaningless crap, could be what makes you a parent again!!  I guess it's good that he admits to wanting it his way, but adoption is expensive too!!  Good luck figuring it all out with him.  It is time for you to have a 2ww!!  After the HSG maybe you'll get that.  Yeah, we get kinda bitchy too when it's been too long.  I'd be bitchy right now (it's been about a week for us) if I weren't so dang tired from the Lupron.  Ugh.

Sourire -  Yeah for trigger - keeping everything crossed for Friday!!!  I'm going to say that it won't all be consistent :-)

brichole - good to see you!  I'm so sorry that things are so rough, but I really understand it.  Give yourselves some time to just be together.  I'm sure the changing in shifts really isn't helping much.  But you need to work it out, talk to each other about it!!!

 

[shesaidboom]

teresaresa - I have to admit, that's a really old picture from when I was suffering with an eating disorder. I don't have any new pictures of me because I'm too embarassed. I'm quite a bit bigger. My BMI is over 30 right now and my RE said it has to be under to do IVF. I have no idea when the appointment with the new doctor is, but hopefully soon. I really want to get going on this and I feel like they should be supporting me with the weight loss instead of saying "just lose it however you can".
I'm glad your therapist is helping you sort out the issues with DH. All this infertility stuff is so hard on couples. I'm also glad you had that talk with him. I hope he really listened and things will change. I hope your 2ww ends with wonderful news!

mexilady - so sorry for the BFN.

milk - thanks for sharing your story with us, and I'm sorry you've gone through so much. I hope the reproductive immunologist can give you some answers and some help. This thread is a great place to be. I wouldn't have made it this far without it.

hope4light - haven't met any of the other drs yet, I'm still waiting for a call for an appointment. I don't think we'll be able to get started until I get my BMI under 30 though, and that may take a while.

silamarila - I'll definitely keep you updated.
I'm sorry your talk did not go well. The $ issue was definitely something dp struggled with as well. I hope he comes around.

Sourire - I really feel like IVF will work for us to. My plan for losing weight - honestly, the only thing that has ever worked for me is heavily restricting calories. I know that sounds awful, but I've tried pretty much every diet in the world and nothing has worked. Maybe 2 or 3 pounds here and there, but nothing significant. I need to lose around 20, so I'm just planning to cut the calories and drop the weight as fast as possible (doesn't sound too healthy for starting a pregnancy, does it?). They didn't give me a time limit, just said "get the weight off however you can". I'm actually planning to see a dietician that specializes in eating disorders (I have a history) so I can get some real help without slipping back into that.
I'm thinking good thoughts for your IUI! No BFNs this time!

brichole - it's good to hear from you. Miss you too.

AFM, I'm working on the weight thing to qualify for IVF. My BMI has to be under 30 and I have a ways to go to get there. I'm upset at the lack of support I'm getting from my RE. There is no help, there is just "do it". I tried explaining my history and trouble with weight loss. I've lost a little over 10 pounds over the past few months, but it's not enough. I've never been able to lose a significant amount of weight doing anything but heavily restricting calories. I know experts would love to argue with me about that, but I've tried everything. I messed up my metabolism through years of struggling with an eating disorder. It is what it is. I explained that to my RE and she said "just lose the weight however you can". It seems like it would be so much healthier to encourage me to continue to lead a healthy lifestyle at the weight I'm at now, rather than essentially force me to starve my body right before a pregnancy. I understand there are medical reasons - the risks associated with pregnancy in obese women, but I find this all very infuriating. I honestly feel like it's size discrimination, even though I can agree there are medical reasons. It's already such an invasive procedure, one that costs $11,000, and now I have to starve myself to a lower weight just to qualify. I'm seeing the fertility counselor today and I'm hoping to address all of this. I usually have a hard time being completely honest with psychologists, but this is one time I'm going to have to be. I will keep you all updated, and will keep the weight loss out of the thread for the most part. I'll just tell you when I'm getting close.

Sourire, can you update my blurb for me please?

Shesaidboom (28) TTC #1 since early 2007. Four early miscarriages and one second trimester loss. Struggling with PCOS. Four failed IUIs, three on Femara and one on injectibles. Currently working on losing weight to achieve a BMI under 30 in order to qualify for IVF.

[Gemmine]

Milk: *excited raptor shriek* I'm so glad to see you here. And you already know what I mean, so I don't have to explain it.

Sila: I am glad to hear your new RE sounds awesome. And WOW at those IVF stats. I'm hoping you can wear DH down with your sensible child logic. I'll be stalking to see how the regimen goes with the new doc.

Sourire, cbaa (aaahhhh I can't stop calling you that!), shesaidboom, teresa, hope4light, brichole, chica, tickle, smiles, rcr, mexilady, everyone: HI!!!! I've been too sick to really log in and focus on personals, but I think about you guys all the time and am reading along. 

[Milk8shake]

Gem: Excited raptor shriek of my own, regarding the Fruit Bat!  

Cbaa/Toothfairy:  I remember your sig!  What's the story with your lap?  Sorry - I have to get caught up!  Is it just investigative?  I've had three laps - you could call me a pro!  (But not in a nasty way)

Yeah, mine will probably be done and dusted before you get out of bed!

Hope4light - your story is quite amazing.  I do believe that adversity can make relationships stronger, but you have to work for it.

Sila - DP and I have had difficult conversations about the future.  I think that he honestly feels like he could be okay if we never ever have kids "naturally".  The idea of adoption is not appealing to him in the slightest.  I, however, don't think I could ever come to that conclusion.  I know we are not "there" yet, but it is hard to know that he feels differently

Sourie - that podcast sounds heaps interesting!  I'd love link :) I'm hoping for inconsistency with your latest cycle! 

Shesaidboom - I'm trying to lose weight as well, while I'm on hiatus.  I've gained an embarrassing amount throughout the pregnant/miscarriage roller coaster.  By "qualify" does that mean for it to be covered by your medicaid/health insurance?  (Sorry, it's different here).  Have you ever tried prescription medication to aid your weight loss?  Sometimes they can use that to "get the ball rolling" so to speak.  Even if you just took it for a month or two.  My doctor suggested it to me last year, and I was going to try it, but ended up pregnant with #4.  Also, have you been checked out in terms of the endocrinology side of the weight?  I see the PCOS there, so it seems reasonable to me.

AFM:  In general, yes, pretty much every doctor I've seen tells me to toughen up, and keep trying.  Asshats.   Seriously though, it makes me very mad.  The doctor I am flying to see has an awesome reputation though, so I'm hoping to get more out of him than flippancy.  The endo is a result of my uterine stuff, I had retrograde menstruation for a long time (I'll draw you guys a diagram one time!), and I had uterine surgery about 8 years ago, and they took care of the endo then.  The doctor said I would need further treatment in the future, and judging by my cycles, it's going to be sooner than later.  

[deborahbgkelly]

I'm sorry to have to bring difficult news to this board, especially with new members looking for hope, but I need to share. We lost our boys this week, probably within the last 2 days.

[shesaidboom]

Deborah, my heart is aching for you right now. I am so so sorry. There are just no words. I will light a candle for your boys tonight. I know there isn't anything we can do to ease the pain, but we are here for anything we can do.