We have a 4.5 year old DS who is very high need. He also has some health and developmental issues (food allergies, asthma, verbal apraxia, autism). We had mostly decided for the past year that we would not be having another child. This made me very sad. I always wanted at least two children AND I also thought a sbiling would be a good thing for our son. But the stress on our family with his issues and stress for him made us think it was not possible.
Then, over the past several months DS started doing so well and my DH and I started feeling so much better that we recently decided that we think we COULD have another baby.
We basically decided this just last week and are already planning on TTC next week when I expect to ovulate. (I am also 39 and really feeling the urgency to do this soon if we are going to do this.)
This has made us both so happy! We've been talking about names. We're already figuring out ways to configure a larger family bed. I have been talking about the idea of a sibling already with DS (who so far seems positive about it, although I am not sure how much he really understands).
THEN, last night as I was trying to fall asleep I was gripped with an almost panic. And I wound up crying for a long time looking at my little sleeping DS. I just suddenly felt so scared about what we are doing. Is this right? Will this ruin my DS's life? Will we able to manage? What if we have another special needs child? Etc . . . Everything I could possibliy worry about.
I woke this morning still feeling very much like I want this but also more scared. For so long it's just been me and DH and DS. We're like this little team. His life is so predictable right now. He's the center of our lives. What will this do to him? How could I ever love another child as much as him?
I feel like I am doing something for him that is a gift BUT ALSO like I am betraying him somehow.
Is this normal?
Edited by beingmommy - 3/1/12 at 3:24pm