Dingoes Marching into Spring! - Page 3

[sparkletruck]

MelW - Hooray for childcare. At least it gives you a chance to find more for later. I need to get on my yard, eek. You are inspiring me

Nic - Woot for new undies. I bought my first pair of "cute" undies only after I turned 40. Kind of a waste as my ass is just getting saggier by the minute, but Dh enjoys them and its fun to feel cute sometimes, even under your clothes

RR: 60 minute bike intervals - second 30 minutes were hard. I really had to talk myself through it, one 5 minute chunk at a time. Then 20 minute run/walk intervals on the TM. Decent.

NRR: Met w/ our realtor today about what we would need to do to sell, and what we could get for it if we did X and/or Y and/or Z. Sounds like we "should" do the stuff I thought, which is not what we really want to do right now. Plus, the market is still such that our house will likely appraise for less than we want to sell it for (=what we paid), so fixing all this stuff might not even be worth it, at this point. But maybe we will do as much as we can before we rent so that when we sell in 2 or so years, we wont have to deal then... I dont know.

Got my official acceptance letter yesterday. I am truly very conflicted. I hate to sound like a big fat flake, but the clarity and excitement I felt in the Fall has almost all but disappeared. Now I am wondering what I want to do with this degree, or more to the point, if this degree is going to direct me somewhere I want to go. On the other hand, there are a lot of reasons why I should just go regardless of how I feel about it, just to have something under my belt, and to be on a path, because who knows how I'll feel in 6 mos, or 3 years. Bleh. And then I feel guilty that I am taking the spot of someone who may really want it, really be passionate about the program... I wish I didnt always feel both sides so persuasively. It's those damn Pisces fish swimming in opposite directions

[kerc]

Originally Posted by Nickarolaberry 

What do you mean, Kerc...use the macbook as just the computer 'mind' and then get another keyboard and monitor? I have a keyboard somewhere around here although it's a PC one...and we might even have an extra IBM monitor somewhere. That is a great idea!

yes, exactly. most keyboards that are usb are universal. You can plug it into the usb and just type and see what happens (which is to say you can choose to use the keyboard on the laptop or on the external keyboard). 

[kerc]

PS ... look up on your screen ^^ way over to the right. You should see a bunch of little symbols. The one that looks like a black chalkboard -- click on that. If you plug in a monitor you can click on it and choose -- both monitors (internal and external) do the same thing or one acts like a right monitor and one a left or just one or whatever.

[Shantimama]

I am in some serious need of some Dingo wisdom here. I am angrier than I have been in I don't know how long. ds (15) was just checking Facebook before he went to bed. Another student from his school posted a doctored up picture of ds with a hateful slur written over it. ds is beside himself. I love this kid - he is more angry that these students (several other kids we know "liked" this picture) would use a word that should never be associated with hate as an insult. That said, he is also hurt. He is furious that these kids would use a name as an insult, hurt that they wanted to insult him, and disgusted that they would mess it all together like this. dh is going for a walk with him right now to burn through some of the anger.

My plan is to call the schools (students from his and dd's schools were involved) first thing in the morning. What else should I do?

Hate and contempt make me sick to my stomach.

[1jooj]

Shanti. Cyberbullying is bullying. It's a cowardly act intended to hurt and control another person. If your school has policies against bullying, be sure to reference them. Make screen shots if you have not already, in case someone takes it down and claims it never happened. Prepare yourself to hear defenses like "you know how kids are," etc. Go ahead and be ready to point to news stories where crap like that ends terribly. Schools (and more important, parents) are all of us in a place now where we need to teach our kids how to proceed with technologies like these in our lives. These are new and highly effective tools for bullies. I hope other kid's parents are ready to be a first line of consequence. And I know the terrible sick feeling you're describing.

Oy, I am having a morning.

/melodramatic rant/ Just realizing everything I had been pushing toward is now skidding out in another direction and I feel untethered. I love that there is this new school opportunity, and I appreciate the idea of living in a city that has people trying to actually live in community, but there is still a whole component of life missing for me, and I am still in the in-between, having to wait and see how things all play out. School acceptance and finding housing close to school are major wild cards. Plus, this would mean a big compromise on how we spend our year (short summer break and long, hot months spent here). I am hoping that a lot of my and the kids' feelings have to do with that first summer sending us spinning off-kilter, and that two months in US will be enough to recharge and be ready to come back to this part of the world. Dh still doesn't get that a lot of people survive by spending not just summers back home, but 3-4 weeks in winter, not only for a break, but also to maintain and nurture family and friendships with the home base. All that said, I see many more opportunities to get involved with people who do a lot more than shop and jetski in the town down the road, unlike where we are now. /end melodramatic rant/

sparkle, IMO, move forward with the plan. You don't sound like a big, fat flake, but a parent with multiple (sometimes shifting) priorities. The opportunity IS yours and you're not taking it from anyone more committed and deserving. Universe is not zero-sum. You can keep changing your mind over the course of things. But I think back to when you were applying and I think you will love it more than it feels like now. Just my two fils. (The Emirati unit of currency, and worth far less than cents.)

Edited by 1jooj - 3/5/12 at 9:37pm

[MelW]

Shanti, I think you can report it to Facebook as against their policies/hate speech. You could try contacting other kids parents, but the degree of usefulness or frustration may vary. The parents of the kid who posted it could have the fastest response in getting it off FB (I hope!). Hugs.

[Nickarolaberry]

Shanti, oh no!  Everything that Jo and Mel said. You're going to have to be the mama bear here. I would add that if the school (or parents) back down, take it to the school superintendent. These days school boards/administrators are (or should be!) aware that they hold some legal liability for maintaining a bully-free environment, and cyber bullying counts. You can also contact pacer.org/bullying. When we were in FL, a woman in the state's attorney general's office came and spoke to the school about bullying and cyber bullying; you can try making contact with whatever official office is in charge of policing such things and get some pointers. You can also point out to the school that you are doing this (it should give them a wake up call that you are not going to let them shove it under the carpet and pretend like it never happened).

Jo, I can totally understand your feelings of dislocation. As you said to Sparkle (which was good advice!) keep on with your plans and adjust accordingly. What I did last year, which was difficult but necessary, was to proceed as if both possibilities (moving or not moving) were a reality -- and then cancel what didn't end up being the road we took. It was the only possible way to do it. Can you do that as well?

RR: 5 intense tempo miles on the mill this morning. It's getting lighter, earlier, and the temps are becoming humanly warm (sort of). I am hoping my morning dreadmill days are going to decrease a lot soon and I can go back to the roads in the early dawn.

[Shantimama]

Thank you so much. It has been taken down but I did get screen shots first. I am so disgusted. I know one of the families pretty well as we have had a string of bullying incidents over the years as our kids are in the same classes. The FIL in this family was part of the Hitler Youth and the mother of one of the kids involved once looked me in the eye and said that it was nothing but a German version of the Boy Scouts. In the late 1930's and early 1940's. I can't find words.

My ds is incredible. My heart broke hearing him cry last night but it grew countless sizes in pride and love as I listened to him process this event. We will be calling the school principal first thing this morning. The irony? Earlier last night ds and I had a wonderful conversation about hatred, stereotyping, what is racism or sexism and what isn't, what it means for him to be a white, heterosexual, Christian male in this world. It was one of those 'wow' moments where I was listening to his thought process and wondering how we got so quickly from his reflections on the relationship between Diesel Ten and Thomas the Tank Engine to this. It seems like overnight my adorable little boy has become this beautiful young man.

Once I get the girls off to school and this phone call made I think I need to inhale some vitamin C and see if I can pull some energy together. We have some other intense stuff going on in our extended family right now and I feel close to my overload point stress and health wise. Maybe I will ditch working for half an hour and take the dog for a good walk in the woods.

[Nickarolaberry]

Shanti, ugh.  How .... pathetic? predictable? that bullying is a family affair going back through the generations. In that case, go at it full throttle. (Not that you wouldn't in another case, but with a one-off, first time offender you might be able to chalk it up to stupidity and pettiness and make a point. With this kind of situation? Bulldozer required.)

In the long run, though, your son's inner beauty and the fruits of your nurturing will emerge, as it is starting to. Good for you, mama!

Take care of yourself. So...what kind of treats would you get yourself if you were getting yourself some treats? 

[sparkletruck]

Originally Posted by Nickarolaberry 

Shanti, ugh.   How .... pathetic? predictable? that bullying is a family affair going back through the generations. In that case, go at it full throttle. (Not that you wouldn't in another case, but with a one-off, first time offender you might be able to chalk it up to stupidity and pettiness and make a point. With this kind of situation? Bulldozer required.)

In the long run, though, your son's inner beauty and the fruits of your nurturing will emerge, as it is starting to. Good for you, mama! 

And here I was feeling a little sorry for the offenders because of their ignorance, and stupidity, and then their ignorance about their ignorance Drop the hammer on them Shanti!

Jo - Im not sure I understood your post about what's going on with you - basically unsure about which path will be the one that opens up in a few months? I think Nic's advise was spot on as things work themselves out

RR: weight circuit done. It can be so.... un-fun sometimes to get strong

[Plady]

Shanti - I hope you got screen shots and I'd follow up at minimum through the school.  But, if this is crossing over from bullying to hate crime I might even let law enforcement have a look at it.  I'm so sorry your ds is dealing with this and not surprised you're finding he's got what it takes to do it with finesse.

Sparkle - Yeah, some days those weights just feel so heavy.  I agree with following the course you started, it's never too late to reconsider farther down that road.  And along the way maybe you'll recapture the enthusiasm,

Nic - Yeah, you're just so not a whiner.

Jo - So, is a move down the coast imminent?

So, I talked over the weekend with the teacher who explained that it was one of those faced-with-two-opposing-stories moments and she didn't deny that she'd said the other kid had never lied to her before but she agreed she may not have used the best word choice.  However, she also told me about an incident early in the year in which dd kept asking to be moved because she felt that other kids were copying her work.  Apparently this happened 4 times.  The first 3 times the teacher said she could easily imagine that it was true but the last time dd accused one of the academically strongest girls in the class and she then told dd she found it hard to believe her.  So they have a track record that I wasn't aware of.  Also, apparently earlier in the year, at some odd and inappropriate time, dd told the teacher she was mad at her, no explanation, and that had really upset the teacher (I heard this story from another teacher I'm friends with).  So anyway, it sounds like teacher isn't a fan of dd to begin with and now she's had all this drama to deal with on behalf of her not-so-favorite student.  So, while this doesn't excuse her, she is human and she's got 29 kids in her class.  Anyway, I brought her up to speed on the whole story of dd and stalker and told her that we had a no-contact agreement in place with the family and the girls and so hopefully that can be the end of story.  She did talk to dd about how she hoped dd didn't feel like teacher thinks she's a liar (even if secretly she does) so they can get through the remainder of the year without incident and I talked to dd about how often in life we have to cooperate with/work for/interact with people who just aren't going to be our friends or fans and she actually seems okay with that.  So, I'm hoping that that can really truly be the end of the drama for the year! 

And, everyone is home again because it's a freaking early release and I'm once again out of time to enjoy the DC! 

[Geofizz]

Shanti, give me the name of the kid.  I'll come break his arms.  But seriously, I hope you follow up with the school, and then look into whether or not the school follows through with whatever they said they'd do.  I hope you can reinforce to your DS that this is not acceptable, and that letting you know about it was the right thing.  Even for blossoming young men, some issues are still too big to handle without adult help.  I'm glad it's down, and I'm glad you have a screen shot.

Plady, your poor DD needs to catch a break.  How many teachers in her grade for next year?  Can you maybe go and observe each one, get a sense of who will be a good fit for her, and set her off in the fall on the right foot?  Our school really frowns on parents trying to pick teachers, but they do wink, wink, nod, nod for kids that really seem to need the boost.  Goodness knows, I'll be watching 4 5th grade teachers in April.

I've missed a lot of other stuff.  I was starting to wonder why dingoes were being so quiet.  Then I discovered that March started.  Huh, it should still be February.

[Nickarolaberry]

I am in a piss-poor mood and it is my own fault for eating crap today. Such as, Poppycock popcorn. Too much sugar. I need to go OFF sugar.

Riiiight.

Ok.

I feel like yelling at everyone and that is so not cool.

[Shantimama]

 It took me a while to figure out the March thing too, Geo.

I still haven't gotten through to ds's principal. I know him well and trust him implicitly so he must have been in an all day meeting. Either that or he called dh and we just haven't connected yet. I spoke with dd1's teacher because one of the guys who "liked" the post is in her class and sits across from her. Her teacher was great, saying it was totally unacceptable behaviour and dd shouldn't have to sit across from him at this point. She raised the issue with the class and of course the boy denied any involvement. That is why screenshots are my friend. Now I just want to speak with the high school and hear what will happen there. The other guys involved are in ds's history class and they will begin studying the Holocaust in a few weeks. I want to be sure the teacher knows about this incident. There is a reason why we study history, you know? My biggest fear is that the only one who will learn anything useful from this incident is my ds and he is already exceptional when it comes to insight, empathy and justice. Maybe that is why the hating-jerk-type kids targeted him with their "joke."

As for this one family we have some history with, I don't expect anything. They manage to turn every bullying incident (of which there have been many with both children over the years) into them being the victims. Makes perfect sense with their view of their family history. It still makes me sick. And it helps me be even more precise in my communication knowing that absolute bluntness is necessary. I am very aware that my three kids are learning so much more than about what happens when they are targeted in how we handle this. We have had many of those famous teachable moments in the last 18 hours   - like when everyone's blood was boiling me telling them that if any of them ever says, posts, likes, whatever - something hateful, hurtful or disgusting like that, they will be in more trouble than they can imagine. They took that in differently than they have when we have had our "how to use the internet" and "how to treat people" talks. We also had a really good discussion about what it means to be a bystander when any kind of bullying goes on and that this incident is about something much bigger than someone altering and adding words to a picture of ds.

I really wish I wasn't feeling so sick - I could use a long, hard run right now. I am going to have to settle for a big cup of lemon tea 

[kerc]

Shanti: I sure hope this comes to a conclusion fast.

And um, what else was I going to say?

oh yeah, Sparkle: Did you know that occasionally you can defer your admission for a semester or a year? Maybe that would give you the clarity you're seeking?

Jo: I wish you clarity on the school situation.

Geo: LOL -- I wondered why you hadn't chimed in on the conversation about the macbook.

Nic: I'm starving. And totally about to loose it. Might need to stop on my way home for a snack because otherwise by the time dinner is made I'll be a lunatic.

Good day overall: long phone chat with my friend J. He is such an old friend now, I've known him the entire time I've lived in Minnesota.  It was a work-related call but so good to connect too. Nighttime ski with my other friend sarah (married to J). Gosh he married well. :)  Tired legs for me. I've skied or snowshoed 5 of the last 5 days. YAY.

[MelW]

Shanti, enjoy your lemon tea and be so proud of yourself for raising such an amazing empathetic son and for dealing with such a complex situation so well. Hugs and hopes for quick and satisfying action from the school.

kerc, hooray for good friends with good spouses! And way to go with the five days in a row!

Sparkle, no answers, but I can totally relate to the waffling about school. And I'm a gemini, so could blame it on my twin seeing both sides of the issue (acutally, I know almost nothing about astrology and just made that up right now).

Nic, yell away. Or yell on this thread!

Geo, glad you found us. We needed an enforcer to take names and break arms

RR- Bootcamp was canceled because of the teachers strike. I settled for some not-quite-hard-enough circuits in the living room, but could have used the accountability of a trainer and room full of people tonight.

NRR- Keeping with the theme of bullying (waaay too many bullies in dingoland lately), there was a video made in collaboration with our local high school students about depression, bullying and suicide and released for "pink shirt day" anti-bullying day last week, along with a longer behind the scenes/"making of" video. It's a video from a poem by Shane Kocyzan (the spoken word poet who did the Olympic opening ceremony poem for 2010) who my husband has read with at various writers festivals over the years, a local music recorder/producer who lives around the corner from us and is connected in several small town ways, and a teacher who has been teaching since my husband and I were in high school. The general message of the video is "it gets better" and to let go of the burden and reach out for help, but I as I said in a message to my husband it feels like a kind of "blame the victim" masquerading as self-empowerment. Why are we addressing the downtrodden and bullied instead of the perpetrators? The history behind the video is a series of local suicides and I understand and commend the desire to do something, but also feel a bit uneasy.

I should edit that rambling paragraph, but am instead going to bed early to read. Hooray for Grace Paley short stories.

[Realrellim]

Shanti-- It sounds like you're making some headway, but that's just awful all around.

Plady--I hope your DD can catch a break for the rest of the year. She's been through plenty.

RR: I popped in because on Sunday, I ended up running through a stretch of sidewalk that had a good 6" or more of sand piled on it. The sand had blown from the field across the street and there was a good half-mile stretch that had sand dunes in one spot or another, thanks to the 20-40 mph winds we've had. It interested me most because I ran the same route last week and there was some sand but the sidewalk was clear. It took only a week, maybe less, to completely cover the sidewalk. Anyhow, I saw a story about it on the local news tonight. They show the field and the road in the first 30 seconds (in the part showing a street sweeper) and you can see how much sand is piled up there. Craziness.

NRR: busy, tired.

[babybugmama]

Still reading along, feeling like I need to do the world tour to educate some stinkin' kids.  But amazed and proud of my dingo mamas who seem to know just what to do for their babies.  I am inspired.  It's what I love about reading along.

Life is topsy turvy here, but it always seems to be that way. Maybe it's the new normal.  Today is going to be crazy but cool.  We get to tour the local newspaper, dd gets two teeth pulled, and theoretically she has piano today.  I'm not sure if piano will happen, she went to bed last night not feeling well and I'm not sure how she's going to feel after having two teeth pulled.

[bec]

Shanti - It is hard for me to describe how I feel about your son and his situation.  I think you and your family are handling it beautifully.

Bullying - Interestingly, my 5th grade Junior girl scout troop is using bullying as their theme for their bronze award.  They want to do something to work against it.  If any of you wise dingos have any resources to suggest as the kids start researching it, I would be greatly appreciative. 

I got a good swim in for tri class on Monday.  Essentially 1100 yards of speed work in the pool.  It was tough.  I am calling it strength work for yesterday, because I had to move about 30 cases of shopping bags from the hallway to the backroom at work yesterday.  I'm definitely sore from that!  I'm hoping for a run today.  I might actually bike, though!  It is very warm.  But, it is windy, so will have to work that out with myself.

[babybugmama]

Bec an angle you could use is the strategy that all use to make the victimization of a group acceptable.  First the dominant group will objectify or de-humanize the person/group, which then it makes it more acceptable to attack and victimize.  You see this in media with women where women become the product, whether it's a car or a beer bottle.    You could work on creating and increasing understanding and empathy.  If they can identify a group that is often teased, work to increase their understanding of that groups specific obstacles, trials, and blessings, as well as commonalities.  Always striving to identify our commonalities helps decrease that depersonalization.  I've seen work with increasing understanding of autism.  

But you could also create your own curricula.  I would start with:

 1. what is bullying? Who bullies?  And it isn't the poor little kid with low self esteem (although there are some that are mean because of that), but rather a kid with a sense of entitlement.  

 2. why do people bully (at their age often one of three reasons - power/feeling better about oneself, entertainment for their friends/increasing their status, their life just stinks and everyone in their path gets it.

 3.  Really examining does it have anything to do with the victim beyond giving the bully what they want. Strategies to help the victim, including not responding, knowing when to seek help, etc. And what can they do?  Not have a large response per se', but rather to surround the victim and walk away.  Show their support in a non-verbal very powerful way.

That's all I got for now...

Making zucchini pumpkin muffins...we call them zoombini muffins (thanks geo ;) for turning us on to zoombini's).