Today for some reason I'm experiencing a resurgence of anger about things that happened. Sometimes memories come back to me out of the blue, and I think, "Oh. I had forgotten about THAT."
I am so angry at the way we were treated when we transferred to the hospital. One thing I remembered today was the male OB who came in to give me a c-section. He had an argument with my midwife about me. I could hear them in the hall. I asked our doula what was going on. And she said "nothing, nothing, don't worry." Afterwards she told me. He had come in, took a look at my MW's notes, and said, "Oh well, looks like she hasn't been able to get labor going." And my MW looked at him incredulously and said, "What are you talking about?" And he said, "Well, her contractions have been X amount of time apart for X number of hours, so she's never actually been in labor." And my MW got furious and said that I had been in agonizing labor for 70 hours, thank you very much.
My medical chart from the hospital still says that those 70 hours were chalked up to "false labor." When I think of my long hours, my 3 days of pain and sweating and crying and moaning as being called "false," my heart breaks and then I find myself feeling very, very enraged.