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Angry Today

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

Today for some reason I'm experiencing a resurgence of anger about things that happened. Sometimes memories come back to me out of the blue, and I think, "Oh. I had forgotten about THAT."

 

I am so angry at the way we were treated when we transferred to the hospital. One thing I remembered today was the male OB who came in to give me a c-section. He had an argument with my midwife about me. I could hear them in the hall. I asked our doula what was going on. And she said "nothing, nothing, don't worry." Afterwards she told me. He had come in, took a look at my MW's notes, and said, "Oh well, looks like she hasn't been able to get labor going." And my MW looked at him incredulously and said, "What are you talking about?" And he said, "Well, her contractions have been X amount of time apart for X number of hours, so she's never actually been in labor." And my MW got furious and said that I had been in agonizing labor for 70 hours, thank you very much.

 

My medical chart from the hospital still says that those 70 hours were chalked up to "false labor." When I think of my long hours, my 3 days of pain and sweating and crying and moaning as being called "false," my heart breaks and then I find myself feeling very, very enraged.

post #2 of 3

Good for your midwife for running interference so that you didn't have to listen to that crap directly from the OB. What a jerk.

 

Having our medical charts can be such a mixed blessing. Sometimes I pull mine out and read through it again, and I just get mad or sad, without feeling like I understand anything new about why things happened the way they did or how to move on. Other times I feel like I get little glimmers of insight. So, I'm glad I have the chart, but I have to be careful about not looking at it too much.

 

I find that strenuous exercise is helpful when these anger surges come up. A brisk walk or a long bike ride helps spend some of that energy.

 

Hang in there, mama. This too shall pass.

post #3 of 3

I have days like this too.  They really, really suck.  Just when you think things are getting better another one of those days happens.

 

I've been thinking about my days of labor and the idea that maybe I wasn't really in labor popped into my head.  That maybe it was false labor and that's why it didn't go anywhere and the baby didn't descend.  I have to remind myself that even though I was handling the labor well it was real.  My water broke and I was having real contractions. 

 

Your midwife knows how to recognize labor and "false labor"  she knew what you were going through was very real.  I'm glad she stood up for you.