Is this a silly idea? « Back to Group Discussions

[cristeen]

So I've been thinking about co-ed vs girl's only shower, and kids vs. no kids... and I'm thinking that I would have a much better time, and be far more relaxed without kids for the most part.  Thinking maybe I organize a "Daddy does Fairyland" trip to coincide with my shower.  Fairyland is a toddler aged theme park around the corner from my house.  There are 8 toddlers (including mine), and 2 infants attached to the guests, the infants would obviously be welcome to stay.  Of course, if the toddlers want to stay at home with daddy, that's up to the parents, but I'm wondering if it's rude to suggest the compromise?  Entry to the park is $8 per person (so for 1 toddler + dad = $16). 

[sosurreal09]

I think it's ruder to set up a daddy toddler thing than to just say "no kids" or "girls only". IDK why honestly guess it seems odd to me.

[forestmushroom]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

I think it's ruder to set up a daddy toddler thing than to just say "no kids" or "girls only". IDK why honestly guess it seems odd to me.

I agree with this-- I think you can have your DH take you child to fairyland, and let other's know if they'd like to join, but just say the party is for ladies and infants, only.... Honestly, I don't think people would mind at all...

[BubbleMa]

I think most people assume a baby shower is for ladies/kids only.  Unless you say it's co-ed most men will opt to stay home.  I do think you'll need to specify no kids though, if that's what you want.  The daddy/toddler outing is different, but I don't think it's rude.

[Kamiro]

I think its very thoughtful of you to try and set up an alternative activity for the dads and kids. I don't think its rude by any means, but if some people think its rude (I respect Sosu and FM's opinion) or could take it rude - than maybe it is just better to let people know your dh and son are going to Fairy land and people are welcome to join them.

There has to be a polite way to say women only...I don't know what it is, but I trust you'll figure it out!

[sosurreal09]

Well I guess I think it's rude b/c they have to pay for it? IDK $16 may not seem like much but we actually could not afford that.

[janellody]

I think showers in general are women only,  but if people in your area don't realize that then make sure everything is addressed to "ladies" and such.  Also, I think kids are normally allowed, but everyone asked if they could bring theirs to mine, so maybe it isn't always assumed they can? 

[casmer]

I hosted a shower at my home, but wasn't the planner.  It was a co-ed, "no children please" shower.  I'm not sure if the couple requested that or what.  Anyway, there were some people who couldn't come because of the baby sitter situation, so that prevented some attendance, but not much.  It seems like the $16 would be cheaper than getting a babysitter IMO.  I think shower etiquette varies by location.  In Austin, it's pretty progressive here and you see a lot of co-ed showers.  Back home the men wouldn't be caught dead at a baby shower.  Our church small group does a ladies-only thing and then the guys go out for a "man bath" (basically they all go out for a drink).  So I don't necessarily think it's rude to request that the men take the toddlers to the theme park.  If they don't want to go, then I suppose the men would just stay at home with the LO. 

[poppyseed2012]

I agree with Cristeen, that I would be more relaxed without kids at my shower... but I already told some people (who asked) that they could bring their kids. The first woman who asked has a very well behaved 12 year old daughter, who I would love to have. But then, I felt I had to say yes to everyone... even my friend with two little ones under three. Whey they wouldn't want an afternoon "off" I don't know (I know that the dad will be around and could take care of them).

I think I'm so wound up about it because we're having henna artists and it's not at my house (henna stains). So I think I'm going to provide some temporary tattoos for kids under 10. I can't imagine a four year old getting henna and not having it wind up on a white couch.

I'm sure it will be fine, but it is an interesting question. I had no idea how to say "no kids" without sounding like a horrible kid-hating woman... who's about to have a kid.

[rozziemama]

Hmmm... I think the point is that the shower is for you, and if you are going to have to be on mommy duty even part of the time it's not really fair for you....
We hosted a "blessing way" for my friend when he was pregnant with her second baby... And literally all of the 10 or so guests had kids, but it never crossed anyone's mind to bring them.... Maybe a blessing way is easier on this font than a shower because it's so obviously focused on women-only, so it's not really relevant.
I just think women-only when honoring someone who is having a baby is appropriate. With my first, a friend hosted a co-Ed kid friendly shower for DH and I, but then we kicked out all the men and kids (went with the men) at a certain point for ladies only time...this was also nice because DH was able to partake in festivities, and he was becoming a parent too! Now, however, I would really appreciate kid/women only as it would mean a break from mommy responsibilities and time to focus on the new baby to be!

[cristeen]

Thank you for the input, ladies.  Unfortunately it's a moot point.  DH is refusing to take DS during the 3 hour shower, so I'm stuck with him.  He claims it'll be fine - but since he hasn't seen DS around a large group of people but once since his first bday, he's clueless.    He's planning on going into the office during that time, and can't be bothered to change his plans to spend some time with DS alone. 

And since my kid is going to be there, I can't really tell everyone else they can't bring their kids.  And amongst my friends, the oldest is 3.5, so it looks like it's going to be lots of toddlers (8 toddlers + 2 infants). 

[Kamiro]

Aww Cristeen. That ain't right of your DH. *shakes head*

[forestmushroom]

Originally Posted by Onemoreontheway 

Aww Cristeen. That ain't right of your DH. *shakes head*

that totally stinks. stinks. stinks. can you reschedule for a time when DH can take care of your son?

[rozziemama]

This really does stink! Personally, if DH can't reschedule so that you end up with the kiddo on your own, I still think you have every right to say no more kids allowed. It's your shower! People should help you take care of DS and be there to support you. I feel like when it's about celebrating you, and you have a strong preference about something you're entitled to ask for what you'd prefer... Maybe I am rude?

[forestmushroom]

Originally Posted by rozziemama 

This really does stink! Personally, if DH can't reschedule so that you end up with the kiddo on your own, I still think you have every right to say no more kids allowed. It's your shower! People should help you take care of DS and be there to support you. I feel like when it's about celebrating you, and you have a strong preference about something you're entitled to ask for what you'd prefer... Maybe I am rude?

I totally agree with this, 100 percent. Having one child and a bunch of adults sounds more relaxing then a bunch of kids and adults, esp. if your little guy is over stimulated/overwhelmed by crowds of people.  Sounds like chaos! 

And I don't think we are rude (maybe we are rozziemama!  hehe) but I get really sensitive in late pregnancy... I can barely stand the attention of 5 friends at once, but a whole bunch of kids and stuff sounds like torture (and I have 4 kids!  so it isn't that I am shy of kid chaos... yk?)

[MLog]

I just wanted to chime in - I think it's fine for your DS to be present but ask that no other kids come.  It's a celebration for you.  I tend to go with the approach that if people are going to be seriously offended then they shouldn't come.  Who needs all that negative energy anyway?  You do a lot and are dealing with a lot and it's okay to put yourself first sometimes.  Plus, aren't you hosting your own celebration?  Then you set the boundaries.  That's my two cents.

ETA: Last year I had planned a huge 30th birthday party for myself and basically invited everyone DH and I know.  Then we had some very difficult family stuff going on and I decided I couldn't handle throwing a big party.  I ended up cancelling the party and then invited just a few friends over who actually took over and made a simple dinner and it ended up being really lovely.  No one ever said a word to me about it (or DH as far as I know) and there were friends who had been uninvited and knew there was a smaller celebration going on that they weren't invited to.  I know that this is not the same situation, but I really feel strongly that you should just do what is going to be best for you.