DH and I decided a couple of weeks ago to pull DSS (3 yrs.) out of daycare. He got in trouble that Wednesday. He called a little black girl the "n word" and the owner texted me about it. In the text she said "I know that some people may use this term at home but it is inappropriate and you need to have a talk with DSS today." I immediately called the daycare after I got the text and talked to the co-owner. Apparently DSS said it, realized what he had said and then said, "No I didn't say that." Three times. There were three teachers standing there who heard it and said his name after he said it, but they didn't put him in time out or have a talk with him about what he had just said. So DH picks DSS up later that day and is asking him what happened, before they are in the car and some workers were offended that DH was asking about it. That night DH and I talked with DSS and told him how we don't say bad words and that they can hurt someone's feelings. DSS understood and has since not said anything. DSS is not a kid to say bad words as it is. We are not racist, actually I was so upset by the whole ordeal that after I got off of the phone, I burst into tears. We have very close friends who are African American and we NEVER and use that word. I have Chinese American cousins who are like brothers and sisters to my brother and I! We have never been racist in our lives! I couldn't believe that she even insinuated that we did.
Then Thursday morning I get another text from the owner that says, "You need to call me when you get a chance." I call about two minutes after I see the text and ask what is wrong. She says that my DH "did not smile and was very unfriendly while dropping off DSS today. He gave the workers dirty looks and then stared through the window at them after he walked out. This is just drama that we shouldn't have to deal with and if it's going to be this way, you should just find another daycare." I was blown away. DH is number one, not a morning person. He doesn't feel the need to be happy go lucky. Plus he was starting his new job that day and ready to get to work. I told the owner, "DH isn't a morning person and he was just trying to make sure that DSS was ok." I apologized (for what I honestly don't know) and assured her that I would talk to DH.
DH and I did talk. He said he went to look at the window because DSS knocked on it to get his attention (DSS does do this). DH has one of those faces that people think he is angry when there is nothing wrong and he is actually in a great mood. We thought that they were blowing the whole thing out of proportion. Her comment that we should find another daycare made us very upset. DSS has never been in trouble before this time and they didn't even talk with him or explain to him why his words were hurtful at the time. DSS has also since starting daycare hit himself in the head when angry, used the words "stupid" and "shut up" (he never said that before), and been on sugar highs when he comes home ( the idea of a snack is jelly beans and cookies). So we decided to put him on the waiting list for another daycare that has been open almost 15 years and we have literally never heard anything bad about and we have family member who have their kids there. I texted the owner and let her know that he was not coming back and she didn't even ask why.
I have missed my little boy and I am glad he is home. But I am feeling pretty annoyed/angry/ betrayed by the owner. I have known her all of my life and our parents are best friends. I can't believe that one little incident got everything blown up and now we are on the waiting list for a new daycare. But I wasn't about to send DSS back after what had happened and take a chance on him being mistreated.
Tonight I saw a friend in the grocery store. Her SIL works for the daycare. The SIL had told my friend all about what DSS did wrong (specifically the n word and that DH was rude) but failed to mention anything else. So now we have people talking in our small town about us and I am wondering what the hell to do. I don't appreciate that my child is getting talked about, even to a friend. That is her work and she should not be discussing my child with anyone but the owners or DH and I. I also think the entire situation was handled unprofessionally, on her part and the owner's part. I know that I am being the bigger person in letting things go and taking him out of there. But at the same time !!!!!! Is pretty much mine and DH's attitude on the ordeal. DSS has handled the transition back to being at home great and he says that he misses his friends but he does know that we are going to find another daycare and he can make new friends. He truly is an amazing child.
Any advice, thoughts? Are DH and I overreacting?