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How much help after birth is enough?

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

I am looking for some thoughts on how much help you feel you needed after the birth of your Multiples?

 

My DS1 will be in preschool/daycare by the time the twins are born. This means typically M-F, 10-5pm.

My husband and I both work part to full time (self employed) and plan to take the first 2-3 months off.

 

We have NO family and NO friends here who are able to help us at all. We also have NO one coming to help around, during or after the birth.

 

Given those circumstances, how much help, if any, do we need?

 

I was thinking about trying to hire a housekeeper to come 1x a week to clean and do laundry and possibly get groceries. (We will have a CSA box but this stops about a month after the births). I was also going to try to find someone for the first 2-3 months to come maybe 2-4 times a week (is that enough/too much?) for a few hours in the afternoons to DH and I can both have 'time off'. They would be able to stay with the twins (and I would plan on pumping so there was some stash in the fridge for that person).

 

On a side note, we also live in an area with no grocery delivery, etc and do not have easy access to a car but have a bike with a kid trailer which fits one child attached.

 

 

post #2 of 8

I think it truly depends on your babies' temperaments.  If you have two babies on the easier side, the help you are planning should be enough.  If you end up with two high needs / colicky kiddos, then you might need more help doing things for YOU - grocery shopping, making meals, etc.  

 

Also, I'd think about extending the help past 3 months, if the babes will be at home with you while you are working. 

 

I would also come up with a 'just in case' plan in the event of preemies who may be in the hospital or have trouble learning to breastfeed (which is going to take a lot more effort/energy), since you don't have any friends or family nearby. 

 

I think that it's great you are trying to line up some help!   That is key to survive twins!

 

post #3 of 8
Thread Starter 

 

Quote:
I would also come up with a 'just in case' plan in the event of preemies who may be in the hospital or have trouble learning to breastfeed

 

can you give me an idea of what this might look like? Someone to walk the dog or pick up DS from daycare? or more like live-in help?

post #4 of 8

I think no matter the situation, having an extra set of hands around 24/7 for a minimum of 2 wks, better a month, is a great thing.  After that, daily, someone to help with dinner and dishes and possibly a couple of loads of laundry.  Duration, well, at least 6mths, 9mths would be good, a year, perfect. I know it sounds like a lot.  I have 7 children (incl. the twins) and we homeschool, so my oldest are always around to help.  The twins are 20mths old now and having help is still necessary most days.  I think it will start easing up in another 6 mths or so.  But from what I have heard from other MoMs, 3 yo is when things really start to be managable. 

post #5 of 8
Thread Starter 

 

Quote:
3 yo is when things really start to be managable. 
 

 

 

thats my opinion when things got 'easy' with DS.. before that it was hard- mostly because I was trying to WOHM and be a full time mom. Also once he started daycare a few days a week made everything manageable

post #6 of 8

It seems to me that because you and your dh can both parent full time for 2-3 months, you are doing very well with your extra help plan.

 

I do agree with a pp that you will need help after those first three months.  What work pattern will you and dh expect to have then?  The babies will still need tons of attention and you will be starting to expect to add more commitments back onto your plates.  If having fewer afternoon breaks when your dh can help means that you can manage more help later when he isn't available, I'd go with having more help later.

 

If making adjustments won't be hard, you can stick with your first three months' plan and decide after that what you need for the next few months after that.

post #7 of 8

Multiples are quite an unknown and I understand where you are coming from.  This is our third pregnancy and will gift us with babies #3, #4, #5!  I used to thank people for their help and fly solo but I think this time it will be essential to accept any help.  Baby holding, dinners, etc.

 

Do you have any colleges near by?  We live in a college town and there is a department dedicated to family (child development, elderly hospice, sociology, etc.).  I am going to try to get to know some students from the child development department prior to the babies arrival.  We both work full time out of the house and DH travels a lot for his job.  I think establishing a relationship with someone prior to the babies' birth will really help if we need someone (which we probably will!) after the birth.

post #8 of 8
Thread Starter 

 

Quote:
I do agree with a pp that you will need help after those first three months.  What work pattern will you and dh expect to have then?  The babies will still need tons of attention and you will be starting to expect to add more commitments back onto your plates.  If having fewer afternoon breaks when your dh can help means that you can manage more help later when he isn't available, I'd go with having more help later.

 

Not sure what the work pattern will be just yet. We usually alternate so one gets 3-4 hours in the AM and the other in the PM, then we try to have some babysitter or help 2-3 afternoons a week on top of that. DH and I will both be going more or less back to work 3-4 months after they are born.

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