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February '09 Mamas ~ Childhood Chat :) - Page 20

post #381 of 1166

My friend told me to call them magic flush toilets bc they magically flush on their own - and play up that aspect. M has never loved them but since I always called them that, she seems to be ok with them. She never likes flushing noises at public restrooms though.


Starling: I am always so impressed by what E does and what you guys allow her to do. Things that don't even occur to me yet. :-) You're always my inspiration!


Makenna fell asleep at 5:45 tonight! She was on the couch watching a video while I worked on dinner. I realized it had been quiet for a while and went to check and she was out. I'm so afraid she's going to wake up at 2am and be up for the day! She had a very busy day playing though. She spent 2.5 hours at a friend's house then they came here and played for 2 more hours. Had a rest then went to a park for a while. We went to the grocery store after the park and she was melting down by the time we got in the car. 



post #382 of 1166

BTW I'm not getting my email notifications from here anymore. Anyone know how to fix it? Everr, I think you told me what to do last time and it worked - but I forgot what you told me! Something I had to do to my computer.

post #383 of 1166
Originally Posted by starling&diesel View Post


Nilla ... Are you moving towards IT?  Did I miss that somewhere along the line?  Gendered stuff is tricky at our house, being that DP is so butch that she gets read as a boy most often, and has so many masculine tendencies.  I find a lot of the male-ish generalizations apply to her too.  Interesting!


Yep the second master's degree in my double degree is health information science which is basically health information technology and clinical information systems. The workshop was fabulous. She also did the introvert vs. extrovert and got us to write out how the other perceives us and might find difficult communicating with us. Helped me to understand why I have issues with extroverts and what they find difficult about communicating with me. The brain differences in men and women were the most intriguing I think. They described men as having boxes to be able to jump in and out of and that there is a 5-6 sec delay before they get 'into' the appropriate box and can respond. They also have an empty box and can truly think of nothing while women have a map in the mind and it's always there and no empty place. Most men respond with the conclusion first, women conclusion last. Oh so much interesting stuff. 


Money we don't tie allowance to chores. We have chores because you live here and are part of this family. We give money for learning to manage money. It's a weekly allowance but it only started when ds was 5. 

post #384 of 1166
Originally Posted by starling&diesel View Post

Mal ... E is terrified of automatic flush toilets!  I drape a coat over it and then let her leave the stall before i let it flush.  Maybe she'd go if you draped something more substantial over it?  A special Flushproof Recieving Blanket perhaps?

Oh, a blanket or something is a great idea. That might work and we usually have one if Greta is with us. I'd have to do it before she even sees the toilet though. She recognizes them by sight and won't go near it if she sees it's an automatic. We were shopping last weekend and she had a full on meltdown when it was time to potty and we couldn't find a non-automatic toilet anywhere. I finally had to bribe her and even then she cried the whole time she was pottying. Poor girl.

post #385 of 1166

Starling - I'm so impressed by all that E does.  A lot of stuff I wouldn't have thought to try.


Nilla - The workshop sounds fascinating.  For chores, what age do you have formal "chores" for the kids?


Everr - Glad your job is going well and you're enjoying the flying. I've seen some pretty neat stuff from small planes, but I've never quite been comfortable in them, and often see them as more of a necessary hazard of life here.


Mal  - Only one autoflush in town (in the school), and K doesn't seem to mind it.


Helping - In general, I feel a bit guilty that I've backed off of encouraging K to "help". I let him when he asks or seems interested, but if the kids are ever entertaining themselves/eachother so that I can get something done quickly and without interference, I leap on the opportunity! I worry I'll have battles later over toy pickup, etc.. if I don't try harder now, though.


Independence - I do love the independence they can have at this age. I can send K on an errand to grandma's (same property, different house), and he can now play outside by himself! The other day he went out and played for probably 20 minutes while I was putting L to sleep, then let himself back in. In some ways he seems so young for it, but there really isn't much trouble he could get into and he stays well in bounds.


Money - How terrible is it that I want to keep K naive as long as possible? Since the only things he ever sees purchased are fruits and veggies, he never asks me to buy anything other than an orange or some cherry tomatoes. No toys, no candy, no begging for stuff of any kind.  I want to keep it that way! He is fascinated by numbers and receipts though, and the postmistress lets him push in the numbers and make the receipt every time we mail something.

post #386 of 1166

Making meals! You can tell that E is a daughter of a chef!


My mom sends F cards sometimes with $1. She thinks its pretty cool and likes to use it to pay for our groceries or for a movie at blockbuster. I don't think we will do an allowance- I never had one. If I needed $ for something I just asked for it. I may or may not have had to do something extra around the house to earn it- sort of depended. And I didn't always get it when I asked either.


Fiona plays outside alone quite a bit. Our yard is fenced though. When she is out front without the fence she knows her boundaries and I make sure the dogs are out with her to bark if anyone comes by. I only let her in the front alone when I'm able to keep popping out to check on her. No opportunity for solo errands here.


toilets- I've heard of people using post it notes to cover the sensor.


Yesterday my heart dropped when Fiona was mad I told her to wait on the sidewalk so I could help hr get in the car. She ran away from me right into the road. It was awful and I yelled so much and shoved her into the car. She sobbed the whole way home. I was still so shaken by it that I had a hard time sleeping last night. We have talked about it a lot but it was the worst feeling ever to see your child do that.

post #387 of 1166
Oh sue... Owyn did that to me in a parking lot one time and it scared the hell out of me. I really was to blame. I often open her door and just ask her to climb into her seat while I put Greta in her seat on the other side. That time I walked away before she was all the way in and she came running after me and darted into the middle of the parking lot. My reaction scared her enough that she likely won't do it again but I really should have kept my emotions in check. As a kid I had a friend that was killed by getting hit by a car. A few years ago my SIL was also hit by a car, badly injured and lost a pregnancy from it. So my fear of that is really heightened.
post #388 of 1166

Hugs Sue! That is so scary! I'm glad everyone is fine! We talk a lot about not going in the street bc we live on a busy corner at a 4 way stop. We dont have a drive way and have to walk up the side walk a bit to get in our front gate. But as much as your child knows, you just never know if they are going to be a 3 yr old and do something impulsive!


Sue - what do you use for making concoctions? I set some stuff up in the backyard today. It was a lot of fun. Wasn't sure what to use so I put out: flour, corn starch, sugar, salt, water, vinegar, baking soda and food color with a bunch of different measuring cups and spoons, a wooden spoon and a whisk. I also dug out the droppers and she did the baking soda and vinegar. Also a hit. I had bought the droppers a while ago bc I kept meaning to order liquid watercolors and do a painting project with the droppers. She really wants to do that now that I've shown her the droppers - but I still haven't ordered the paint. Oops.


Erin: That is pretty cool that K has only ever seen you buy fruit and veggies! We don't often buy toys and so Makenna never asks. It is very rare that she finds anything she says that she really wants. Her american girl doll was really the only thing I can think of like that. Her best friend is so spoiled. I really like her mom and we agree on a lot of parenting issues, but she just buys way too much for her kids! It's a problem if you ask me. So we go over and the little girl is always whining bc she doesn't have a certain Thomas train - when she already has 50 other ones. But no, she needs that one. It's just not something M does - and actually, after that incident, Makenna kept asking me why her friend kept whining about the train. She used those words - on her own. She never heard me say the little girl had been whining. So it obviously bothered her too. M does understand paying and money. She always takes my old credit cards or auto club cards I give her and says she wants to pay for dinner or she often wants to save money to pay the parking meter (ha -can you tell I live in a more urban area than you guys?). She also likes to sign the copy of credit card receipts that you get to keep for yourself.


Playing outside alone - our yard is fenced. But I never leave her out there alone for more time than it takes to run in and grab something. She wouldn't be happy and I'm not comfortable. Like I said, we live on a busy corner. The subway station is 2 blocks away and we get lots of foot traffic past our house. Not that any of the people going by are out to cause trouble. I'm sure she truly is safe in our yard - I'm just over protective. Like I said, we do live in suburbs, but for being suburbs, it's still fairly urban here. I wish I could jsut let her go outside and roam! My husband grew up on a 40 acre farm and his mom just set the 3 boys loose. He ended up walking a mile or 2 down a country road to the neighbor's house when he was 3! The nieghbors had to call his mom - I guess she didn't even realize he was gone yet!! 



post #389 of 1166

Funny the different things we worry about in different places.  Any people that come by our place are likely to be friends of ours. My main misgiving about leaving K out playing by himself is bears and wandering dogs! I'm relying on my own dog's barking warning there, and the fact that the bears are extremely unlikely to present any problem.


Our property is 3 acres, and not fenced at all. But the thick brush provides a natural barrier in most directions. Following open paths/roads, he could climb the steep trail up the mountain (unlikely), or head down to the road. He knows he's not allowed to go past the base of the driveway, and even past that it's a very quiet road for another 1/4 mile or so until he gets to the main road into town. He does know to stay on the side of the road and watch for cars. I don't think he's the type to decide to go to town by himself though, or I wouldn't let him play alone.


As for only buying fruits and veggies, I think the lack of shopping is actually a perverse benefit of living in a really small town. No shopping temptations of any sort. We stock up on staples over the internet or every few months on a trip out (which K isn't always there for), then just buy organic produce in the little natural food store in town (less now that the garden is really getting going). Everything else comes over the internet.

post #390 of 1166

I have started letting Owyn go outside to play on her own for a bit. She knows to stay in the yard. The farthest she wanders is around to our front porch or into the alley behind our house. I don't worry too much about the alley because it's only used by the 4 houses on our block and we are right in the middle. So, our neighbors pull into their drives before getting to our portion of the alley. She likes to play in the gravel and dirt out there.


She gets bored pretty quickly though. Poor girl is so used to having other kids around her age. She always did when I did daycare and always has at my sister's house while I'm working. She really doesn't know what to do with herself right now with just Greta and me. I think that's why she's been so annoying with her sister. She really wishes she could play more with her. Greta is interacting with her a lot now and loves when Owyn gives her attention, but sometimes Owyn gets a little excited about it, in her face too much. Greta definitely speaks up for herself though. She will push Owyn away and yell at her if she doesn't like what she's doing.


Tomorrow I am taking the day off! I'm doing a garage sale at my sister's, so the girls will be with DH during that. Then, I'm going out to eat for my cousin's birthday-- ladies only! 

post #391 of 1166

Sue, so scary!  I would've just felt sick.  E is learning to use her run bike and every time she nears an intersection I worry.  Traffic is scary stuff!!!  So glad that she is okay.  You will be too.

Mal, have a great day tomorrow!

Outdoor play ... Sigh.  My biggest regret for my children is that we don't have a yard.  My favourite memories of childhood are the times when I was outside in our various backyards, or wandering the neighbourhood by myself,or reading in the crook of a tree in a nearby park, or scribbling in my notebooks hunkered down behind one of the big headstones at the cemetery by my dad's house.  Yes, loved hanging out at the graveyard ... call me wierd.  My kids won't be able to do any of that on their own. 

I have a lot of conflicted thoughts about letting E and H go out on their own.  I simply don't think it's wise in the city.  It's true that we live in a very close-knit neighbourhood, in a part of the city that feels like a small town.  I cannot walk down the street without seeing at least half a dozen people that we know.  But there is a core group that forms the community, and then there a LOT of transients.  People who aren't here for long, or are just passing through, or are tourists, or have no vested interested in the safety of our kids.  We do let E play in the very small play area at the corner of the co-op.  And the kids in the co-op basically have free reign within the fenced areas.  But I can't imagine letting her even go to the store at the top of the street alone before she is ten or older, nevermind the awesome park three blocks away

What I would give for a great big back yard!

But what I've been hearing from other homeschooling folks and people who have been there done that is that it's great to be rural for the younger years (right now!!!) and in an urban centre for when the kids get older and want to be connecting with other hs kids and resources.  Bah.  I don't know.  The grass is always greener ... but wait, we don't actually have grass.

post #392 of 1166

super scary Sue, My Jewel rode her bike into the street while a car was coming and it was so scary! and I yelled at her with the adrenaline of the moment. She did not get hit and I scared the bejesus out of her, she has never done it again.


roaming. I sometimes let June out in the front yard with her sisters, but only to go to our neighbors house. I let them all in the back yard (fenced) alone and don't worry too much about them. We are in the city, in a little historic neighborhood about 10 minutes drive north of downtown. Their is currently a pitbull roaming around attacking cats and there are a LOT of sexual predators nearby. Not right near us b/c we are by an elementary school but close enough. There's a lady that has some old big houses nearby and she rents them by the room to recently released sex offenders. I would love to move to the country, but I just don't see that happening anytime soon, and their really are some advantages to living in the city. free concerts, library programs, free museum days, etc


oh- we had a sleepover last night. June had 2 friends saty over. plus her sisters had 7 friends. It was actually loads of fun but I am a bit tired,.


baby crying sorry i didn't get to more personals

post #393 of 1166

Sue - that is scary!  I've never had K do that to me, but I absolutely worry that L will do it as soon as she gets the chance.  Her favorite game ever is to run the wrong direction at top speed and be chased.


Starling - I grew up in a city, and am now super-rural and I can totally see both sides. I love the free-range life here, the wilderness everywhere, ocean, mountains, etc... and living in a town small enough that anyone who sees a kid getting in trouble knows them and can call their mom.  On the other hand, social options are extremely limited when there are only a handful of kids near your age in the entire town, and not all the high schoolers agree that everyone knowing your mom is a good thing!  I envy my husband all his self-led wilderness trips as a teen, but when I was a kid in Seattle, I could take city buses all around town, be an intern at the aquarium, volunteer at the international film festival, and work in a molecular biology lab after school, among other things.

I also think you underestimate your kids (or overestimate the dangers). Think what she's capable of at 3! At 6 or 7 or 8 she'll be more than twice as old, and I wouldn't be surprised if she could navigate traffic like a pro to get to that park, or to run an errand at that store with total confidence. I know I did all those things as an elememtary school kid in the city. And in terms of dangerous people, the statistics show crime is actually much less than it was when we all were kids (when it was already quite rare).

post #394 of 1166

concoctions- yep, just random Kitchen ingredients. Cinnamon is a hit because she likes how it smells! I let her experiment with anything edible really. 


I know that she is a bit out of sorts with DH gone but the whining and crying over every.little.thing has got to stop. I'm going to snap!

I hate that I think this about my own child, but I find myself so frustrated with her sometimes! I wonder why she has to be so intense and sensitive. It's not fair to her- it's who she is but its freaking exhausting. In my sane moments I see those things about her as strengths but right now I see them as fing hard to deal with. Today for example she lost it because I wasn't putting my legs where she wanted me too when I was sitting in the chair! Good grief! Sometimes I wonder if this is normal 3 year old stuff or not.

post #395 of 1166

Sue:  I'm sorry you are having a tough time and having to deal with it w/DH gone and no breaks! Makenna can get the same way over things. If you don't fold a blanket how she wants (and she can never explain so that you can get it how she wants it) she will have a melt down. And she has been known to cry over DH having his legs a certain way too. My guess is it IS normal. They can be bossy and want you to go along with their ideas - and at the same time have difficulty explaining to you why or how they want things that way. 


Courtney: You are a seriously brave mama having that many girls over! The pics were great! I hope you got some rest today.


Mal: Enjoy your night out!


I'm probably jinxing myself by saying this, but I've really been having some lovely days w/Makenna lately. The past couple weeks I have been remarking to her and to DH each night how nice the day was. She just seems to be so agreeable right now. And so willing to clean up a mess she makes or apologize about things before I can even tell her not to do them. She hasn't been nearly as cranky as she had been. And she keeps telling me she loves me out of the blue a few times/day. :-) Maybe she is entering a new phase? I keep thinking I'd like to freeze time and keep her just how she is right now. I keep trying to get her to tell me things she likes about Daddy so I can make a list of things she says - but she often says "I just like mommy". LOL. I guess she is really into mama right now. 


I'm off to watch a movie in someone's back yard w/one of my girlfriends. I guess it's a good night out for a prego lady. LOL.



post #396 of 1166
Originally Posted by AKislandgirl View Post

 Today for example she lost it because I wasn't putting my legs where she wanted me too when I was sitting in the chair! Good grief! Sometimes I wonder if this is normal 3 year old stuff or not.

It's normal for my 3 year old and was normal when my son was that age although he was more levelheaded. My daughter is a fireball of emotion. That's why we call her the firecracker. She screams at everything, whines at everything, cries at the drop of a hat. However she also laughs and giggles to the point of tears, she sings her little heart out in these made up songs, and smooches and hugs with fierce abandon expressing her love. I don't believe that she could do all the things that bring light into my life without the things that make steam come out of my ears. It's tricky for me because I want her to stop whining and crying but I don't want to stifle her expression or emotions. 


Independence- My kids are only allowed in the yard by themselves. It's fenced all the way around. Em went into the playground next door without asking and I lost it. I just have awful unrational fears about my kids getting snatched. There is also really no sense of community here. I don't know my neighbours they don't know my kid. I would never get a heads up from anybody if something was off. 

Mal- sorry you had to experience that. Terrifying for sure. My brother was hit by a car when we were little and biking so I am very cognizant of that especially where little people are concerned. You just can't see them.

Cindy - I hope this is a new era for you and may we all reach it!

Courtney you're a crazy lady! 9 girls plus your own? Not on my life!

Erin - chores here start as soon as you are capable of picking something up and putting it where it belongs. Doesn't always translate to them doing it consistently though.  

post #397 of 1166

I agree with everyone.  In some ways, K has been awesome lately.  But he also definitely has meltdowns over crazy tiny things, especially being the "leader". If anyone ever walks in front of him going anywhere, no matter how slow he is, he has a total screaming crying breakdown and insists on everyone backing up to do it again. 


We got to watch a porcupine and a spruce hen in the woods today on the way home.  Fun.  Even L was super excited by the porcupine.

post #398 of 1166

Oh yes, Owyn has her meltdowns too. Over the silliest little things. If I sit in her spot (even though she hasn't sat there since hours ago), if I clean up her breakfast/lunch/dinner and she wasn't done (even though she hasn't been eating for an hour and I've asked her several times if she's done... she's always saying "I almost done"). I never know what will set her off. Sometimes she insists on my help in the bathroom, sometimes she wants the door closed and me to be in the other room. If I don't know what she wants (by mind reading?) then she has a meltdown. Sometimes she wants to climb into her car seat on her own, sometimes she wants me to help her. Again, I'm supposed to just know these things... She has the drama down pat. Covers her face, throws herself onto the floor. She's definitely been more sensitive lately than she's ever been.


She's also becoming even more girl if that is even possible. Everyday she needs a "pretty princess dress". She enters the room doing ballerina twirls, with arm motions and all. She has this shirt that says "the princess has arrived" and it definitely describes her to a T lately. I think I'm in for it with this one. Maybe Greta will tone down the girliness a little?

post #399 of 1166

Meltdowns:  E doesn't have many, but when they do happen, wow!  They leave me exhausted and spent.  Yesterday at the park, for example. We were there with friends, and E pushed her little buddy, so I have her a warning.  Then later, when another little boy wouldn't let her go down the slide, she pushed him and yelled at him.  I gave her a second warning and told her if she pushed anyone again, we'd have to leave.  I held her in my arms, made sure she heard and understood me and that I had her attention.  She reassured me that she'd keep her hands to herself.  Then about fifteen minutes later, she shoved her little buddy again, so we promptly left.  She sobbed the whole way home.  And I had to carry her bike all the way home, and had a baby on my back who was flopping to sleep and I couldn't get his sun cover over his head, and E wanted to cuddle while we were walking and and and.  Phew.  These happen about once a month?  Her friend is also our neighbour, so E went over and apologized after she'd calmed down, and they took up playing where they left off. 


Girliness:  Not E.  Her best boy buddies are the ones who use her dress up clothes.  Sometimes she'll get dolled up if they are, but she's more likely to put on her dinosaur costume.  She never plays with her dolls (which makes me a little sad because I loved playing dolls!), and has no connection with princesses at all.  Even if people try to tell her that she's a princess, she argues with them.  I was SUCH a girly girl ... I was kind of looking forward to a some pink and frilly fun with my own daughter!  Ah well!



Back later ... children beckon.

post #400 of 1166
Thread Starter 

Gah.. Meltdowns = daily.  R is just so emotional about everything.  This morning I had to work early so I was up before him so I could get showered, well he had a meltdown as soon as he woke up because I was already up.  He had a meltdown because he wanted me to carry him to the kitchen (which I did, because we were in a hurry and otherwise he would have stayed in bed freaking out forever).  He *didn't* have a meltdown about breakfast which is surprising (usually he asks for something, then won't eat it, then has a meltdown when I refuse to get him something else).  He was also upset about getting his hair done and getting dressed.  It is one crying fit after another after another with him.  Sometimes he is just so miserable and I don't get it.  But of course at daycare he's all sunshine and rainbows and his teachers always comment to me about how great he is.  And he's mostly good with my mom too although she does get it sometimes.  It's frustrating.  I do think though that when he's good he's really really good.  Agreeable, easy going, full of smiles.  But he really flips hot and cold quickly.


I have to add about the girliness - R loves to put on my shoes and purse and walk around.  He also often will make a stuffed animal or other random toy his 'baby' and take care of it.  

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