Oh Starling, that is so horrible. I'm sorry you had to make that choice. But you made the right choice, imo. Your mother can still come visit but you don't have to expose them to your step dad. Hug Mama!
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February '09 Mamas ~ Childhood Chat :) - Page 29post #561 of 11668/25/12 at 11:55ampost #562 of 11668/25/12 at 2:56pmThread Starter
Starling - I think you made the right decision, even if it is a tough one. *hugs* I'm sorry :( I hope things go ok with the work counsellor. I totally understand your concerns. Parenting has made me so much more sensitive about some things.
Cindy - Thanks for the links! I love the idea of filling a freezer with chopped ready-to-go meat/veggies to add to recipes. I don't have room for much but for just R and I it wouldn't be too hard to have a couple weeks of chopped stuff. Plus I often end up throwing stuff out because it goes bad before I use it.
Mal - I'm glad Owyn enjoyed her first day! It's so nice when you love the teacher/school. I feel that way with R's daycare, I feel so comfortable with him going there.
AFM - I'm still feeling stressed for no specific reason. I guess just school coming up and I've been busy with work and trying to squeeze in summer-fun with R on my days off. Last night I had crazy dreams and woke up with a horrible headache. I think I'll actually feel less stressed once my classes start and I have a better sense of what they will be like.post #563 of 11668/25/12 at 9:34pm
Starling so sorry you had to make that choice and that you had to experience it.
I also bought a big bottle of rescue remedy. I had a big blowout with my mom. She is manic right now and she said some really hurtful things through email. I spent the night in full blown anxiety/chest squeezing nausea and the morning after in hysterical tears. She often gets mean when she's manic. I've finally realized that the relationship is unhealthy and a cycle of emotional abuse for me. I am going to see a therapist about it and my relationship with my stepfather. I've switched the kids back to my cousin's I don't feel right with all the issues that I felt rise in me after this leaving them with her to be exposed to the same thing. The problem is now that I have asked her to leave she is making all nice and doesn't seem to want to go anywhere fast. I'm totally stressed over it and still very angry but I'm trying to keep the peace because my brother is getting married in a week and I don't want to start anything. I don't know if she is even looking for a place. In a moment of weakness I told her she could take her time and now I don't know how/if I can take it back. We can't afford childcare with school and without her rent we are financially strapped. To top it all off the university screwed up and didn't drop me from a class and now it's on my transcript and affecting my GPA and I just applied for scholarships :( I'm at my breaking point I think.post #564 of 11668/26/12 at 6:11am
h Starling that's tough, I totally think you did the right thing. Hopefully your Mom will respect what you have to say and come visit you without him and still be involved with you and the kids. I had to stop going to my MIL's house, these are such tough calls.
AFM my sister had her baby, she did amazing, the baby is super cute, her fiance was a champ labor companion and now I get to go see my babies in a week. Cross your fingers that Hurricane Isaac stays away from them. I think they are just supposed to get storms and not the hurricane, still our house isn't in great shape and partially open to the outside.post #565 of 11668/26/12 at 6:13ampost #566 of 11668/26/12 at 8:23am
Courtney! Congratulations, Auntie! That's wonderful news! Tell us more about the birth and the baby?
Ever ... Go get some Rescue Remedy for you too! This is a crazy time of year when schedules and work and school all seems to be ramping up while the natural world is slowing down. It's a conundrum, for sure, and hard for us humans to navigate.
Sue ... Have you heard back from the powers that be yet?
Cindy ... Are you getting excited? Do you feel like you have all your ducks in a row?
Nilla ... Oh, honey, how I feel for you! And she's living with you? Stress factor x 10. Suck back that Rescue Remedy! Family dynamics are so hard, especially when free childcare is wrapped up in it too. Could you have a live-in nanny instead? Room & board in exchange for childcare and small stipend? Is the university doing anything to rectify their withdrawal mistake? I hope so! There is no good time for making difficult boundaries with your parents, is there? I totally understand wanting to keep the peace leading up to the wedding. So hard. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. You have my utmost sympathy. I'm here to commiserate too.
AFM: Thank you, everyone, for your support. It means a lot to me. My mom emailed me back to say that she's very upset, but not angry. She says she will not 'abandon' him, so is going to stay in the marriage. She understands my need for the boundary and will respect it. I'm so sad that my children have no grandfather at all. My stepdad is a kid-hating drunk whose getting senile, my dad is an a-hole who is out of the picture, and my partner's dad is estranged from his family. My grandpa was such an important figure in my life. He was gentle and strong and kind and loving, and that's what I want for my children. My sister just started dating a lovely man after being with women for fifteen years, so I hope he's a keeper and can be a good male influence for our children. I'm sad, too, that my kids won't know the experience of going to grandma's house. It was so fun for me. But that just isn't the case for us. I'm glad that I made the boundary, and I will be keeping it. Most definitely. My mom wants me not to cut him out entirely, but being that my children and dp and I are a package, I can't see how that would work.post #567 of 11668/26/12 at 10:43am
Starling - That sounds so hard! Good for sticking up for your kids though. They don't need that sort of grandpa influence, even though it's sad they don't get the better kind.
Nilla - Wow, I can't imagine trying to deal with all that and living with her too. Is there any sort of informal child care swap you could do, or something not your mom? Find another roommate? It sounds awful, but more awful that you don't really have the financial choice to get out of the situation.
Stress: Compared to everyone here, I have a very benign reason to feel stressed, which is that my book manuscript is due in 2 weeks - the point at which I think "Ah, now I understand all my horrible failings as a writer but don't have time to fix them." And I want to be outside to enjoy the rest of the summer, and to put away the harvest. Nothing to complain about, really, but I'll be glad when things calm down here.post #568 of 11668/26/12 at 4:24pm
Stress abounds, for sure! I like the way you put it, Starling, and you're right. It's unnatural to be so busy at this time of year.
I came here to complain about my own MIL, but after reading I'm feeling like it's a first-world problem for sure and doesn't even compare... but I'm gonna whine a little anyway. My mil is a big time runner. She does marathons and stuff. She also helps plan a fundraising walk/run every year during our local country fair. So, when Owyn's school says they are doing their first annual 5k this year as a fundraising event, I thought "yay! my MIL can definitely help me with this and it's something we'll be able to do together!" (we've never been very close. far from a mother/daughter type of relationship, but we're cordial with each other) So, last year the Dept of Transportation donated a ton of orange cones to use to block off roads. It's not a huge thing, but I mentioned to her that maybe we could use those. She got all weird about it and said she's pretty particular about who she lends them out to. I'm a little insulted about the way she put it. I mean, I'm her daughter-in-law and they're being used for a fundraiser at her granddaughter's preschool, but she's going to be particular about who she is loaning them too. Especially considering they were donated to her in the first place. Pay it forward? So, anyway, I let that comment go. Then, yesterday she mentions offhand that she's putting her stand-up mixer on her church's garage sale... fully knowing that I've always wanted a stand-up mixer and don't have one. DH was standing there for that one and was also offended by that one. He said something to her about it too. Like, really? Why are selling it on a garage sale when you know we'd totally love to have it? I mean, it's not a huge deal, but things like that make me feel like she doesn't consider me family.post #569 of 11668/29/12 at 1:57pm
Nilla, You are certainly in a tough spot with your mom living with you. I hope you are able to figure out childcare soon.
Mal: That would bug me too. How lame!
I've called the occupational therapist 3 times and haven't heard back from her. Today her message was changed to say that she is taking some time off and won't be able to see patients until the end of September. I did ask her to please call me so I can at least get on her calendar for the end of next month or ask her who else I could bring Fiona too. So we shall see... another month is going to kill us but it would have been nice if she could have returned my calls.post #570 of 11668/29/12 at 2:20pmpost #571 of 11668/29/12 at 2:50pmThread Starter
Starling - So what's your fb status all about? New part time job? I hope things are going ok with your mom. I think you're right to stand your ground, even though I'm sure it's hard.
Sue - That's very frustrating. Hopefully she gets back to you..
Mal - Yeah that would be really bother me too. It's strange why she acts that way. In-laws can be frustrating to deal with :/
Erin - Hope all the book editing is going well!
Nilla - What a load of stress. I'm sorry. And I hope everything gets straightened out with school. I know those little things can really be stressful even if you know it will eventually get fixed.
AFM - I start class on Tuesday. I'm excited about that. And R gets moved up to the senior room at his daycare next week which is for age 3.5 - 4.5, so he'll be there until he starts jk next September. I hope he does ok changing to the new class with new teachers. I think he knows the teachers from seeing them around the daycare so it should be ok.post #572 of 11668/31/12 at 9:58pm
Mal - that does sound a little rude. And really, what does she expect to happen to traffic cones? hardly a delicate item.
Sue - Really, she should have called back and let you know right away. Is there anyone else there, or is she the only one in town?
Everr - Hope classes go well.
AFM - book editing is going well enough, and I'll be so sick of it by the 10th, I might as well send it off. I'll have another chance after the publisher has at it.
It's fall here. Grey, rainy, and starting to get cold enough to start up the stove again. Starting to gear up to harvest and preserve all my veggies. Learning how to make kimchi and saurkraut, since the cabbage crop did great this year.
Katmai starts Head Start again on Tuesday. I think he's excited. Some of his younger peers are coming this year too, so he won't be the youngest anymore. He has approximately 2 pairs of pants that fit him anymore. Growth spurt catching me by surprise.
And the strangest news of all - we have a documentary crew showing up here in a week and a half, from England. Which I'm having second thoughts we said yes to. I don't mind interviews, but a TV crew isn't exactly an interview... They seem nice though. We'll make sure to drag them out into the woods, so at least they'll hopefully have something interesting enough to show without trying to make things up or getting too silly.post #573 of 11669/2/12 at 9:43am
Big hugs to everyone with parent/IL issues. They suck. Starling, of course you made the right decision. Its strange how good decisions can still be painful, but they are. I didn't have any grandfather-types in my life, and while I see the girls enjoy my dad, sometimes none is better than a lousy one. Mal, your MIL sounds nutty. Actually, she sounds a lot like my mom. The sort of hurtful nuttiness just drives you crazy. Nilla, deep breaths!
Erin, a TV crew?! Very fun. You'll have to show them a good time!
Courtney, congrats to M! I'd love to hear her birth story if she wants to share it. Cora looks huge next to Q, of course! But how great that they'll be so close in age. Your sis is very fortunate to have you. And as for starting classes, congrats! You'll be an awesome midwife; I would totally have you at my birth. In hindsight, I should have bribed you to come up for Mallie-pie's birth...was it only 3 weeks after Coraline? Geez time is flying by.
AFM, feeling really flakey this week. I don't know why. I'm trying to get it together... Trying to make some mama friends nearby for me (and for Aubs) to have playgroup time. I think I need to start taking vitamins again consistently or something.
Ever, seems like you'll feel better once you're back in the routine of school. Back-to-school time is stressful for everyone. I hope you feel better soon!
Speaking of back to school, I just found out that there is free pre-k at the local elementary school, and that kids get in on a lottery system. Too late to enter the lottery, but I was thinking I should call the principal and see if we can be on a waitlist or something, in case someone drops out. But then who knows what is going to happen with me working, or not working...that feels like a bit of a weight hanging over my head. Aubs wouldn't be able to go to pre-k there if I have a real job elsewhere. I guess I need to just chill out and wait until mid-October when we'll know what's up with the bar. As in, will I be able to take some part time work to have an income or will I need to get a FT job. DH keeps telling me to just enjoy my time off, but for some reason I can't help but think about it.
Right now EVERYONE is napping--DH and Aubs in the bed, Mallie on me in the wrap...so I guess I should try to accomplish something. Hmm. I hardly know what to do with myself when this happens!
Oh one other thing I wanted to ask--is there any reason not to freeze veggies from the garden? Specifically peppers--do I need to do anything in particular to them, or just throw them in a bag? After slacking all summer they've suddenly decided to go crazy and there are waaay too many for us to eat.post #574 of 11669/2/12 at 7:31pm
Kate - Most veggies need to be blanched (dipped in boiling water briefly) before being frozen. Never done peppers, but it works for most things. Bring water to a boil, throw in veggies (I usually leave them just until it starts boiling again), then put them in ice water to cool quickly, then put in bags or jars to freeze. I do this with all kinds of garden veggies. You could google peppers specifically, if you want.post #575 of 11669/4/12 at 10:20pmForGive my lack of posting and typos. My computer died last week and Im using my iPad. Hate typing on this thing! I ordered a keyboard for it but it's not here yet. Hopefully will get new computer soon too! Thankfully I didn't lose any files.
Anyway, just had to share...makenna started preschool today! She's been so clingy lately that I thought she would cry or have an adjustment period. She had a meet the teachers last week and cried when it was time to leave..she had so much fun and made new friends. So she was really excited today. I stayed the first half hour while she did play dough and then they did circle time. She says her name now when they do the names song. She never ever used to at the little coop school we had putntogetherb last yr. then she chose to sit and paint. I told her i was going to leave. She asked if her teachers would stay. I said yes and pointed out where they were. Then I told her I was leaving and said goodbye. She just said "ok mom". Never batted an eyelash.
She did great. Never cried all day. When I picked her up she said she didn't want me to take her home. I told her she could go back in 2 days and she asked why she can't go everyday! I said " don't you want some days to be home with mama?" and she said no! Lol. She she had a great time. I am relieved! And getting her adjusted to preschool was the last big thing on my list before baby!
I think I'm about ready for baby. Except she has to stay in at least 9 more days so I can have my home birth! Though I'd like her to stay in a couple weeks past that so she is healthy. I generally feel like crap now. Nausea is back and im so achy. If I spend any time on my feet I get tons of Braxton hicks. I def feel less active this time around. Still can't really grasp that I could have a newborn so soon! It all still feels surreal.
Cindypost #576 of 11669/6/12 at 9:27am
So glad Makenna's first day went so well! And Cindy! You are so close!!!
Fall is here in full force. Darker and cooler. We've had some lovely crisp clear days. I really love fall. I think I would love it more if I had an actual summer before it though!
I'm shopping for a winter coat for Fiona for the first time ever. She has always had wonderful, warm hand me down jackets. The well ran dry in that department! Ha! I'm actually having some fun picking out something nice and knowing Maeve will get it later makes me not feel bad about the price tag.
Maeve has a wicked cough. I think ever since getting croup when she was tiny every cold goes right to her chest. But amazingly Fiona has not gotten sick. In fact she hasn't been sick in a long time- even with 2 colds in the house! Her body is healing!! She has an immune system again! :)post #577 of 11669/6/12 at 11:19am
Cindy!! I can't wait to see pics of that new baby and hear about the birth. She'll be in your arms so soon!
Sue, you can send some fall weather this way. I'm ready for comfy sweaters, bonfires and crisp, cool air. Today is supposed to be the last HOT day for a while. Who knows if it'll be for good or if the heat will return for a while. We have some rain moving in tonight and highs only in the 70s this weekend. I am ready! I've also been shopping around for coats. I have always found Owyn's coats on ebay for awesome prices, but I'm having a hard time finding anything. I was outbid at the last minute on an awesome wool coat for her, I was so bummed about that one. Unfortunately, Owyn's first winter coat was white and is not in good shape for Greta to use. It was a hand-me-down, so at least I didn't spend anything on it. I need to find something for her too.
All the darn dental work I've needed has made it hard for us to budget for the girls' fall/winter clothes. So, I'm trying to find deals anywhere I can. I sold a lot of Owyn's old winter clothes, thinking Greta would be in a different size since they were born in different seasons. Now, I can see she probably could have worn some of those clothes and kicking myself for getting rid of them. Oh well, lesson learned. I have all her bigger stuff, so next year Greta should be set for the most part.
Owyn has her last "first" for this year coming up. She'll join the preschool Sunday School class this weekend at church. I sure hope her teacher has the patience of a saint... she's going to have all the little cousins from our family in one class!
Been trying to figure out something fun to do for DH's upcoming birthday this year. He kind of got ignored for his 30th last year since I was very pregnant at the time. I think we're going to take the girls with a group of friends to the Renaissance Festival in the city. I loved going as a kid and can't wait for the girls to go!
Okay, Owyn is torturing Greta, better go!post #578 of 11669/8/12 at 8:19am
I've been MIA for a bit, so an update on the mother situation. She moved out. We can't afford it but I needed to ask her to leave. It's been hard on Dee she cried a lot about it but she seems to be adjusting slowly with bouts of tears. Em was a little sad at first but he quickly moved on. It's definitely better I felt a huge weight lift when she left.
My brother got married, it was beautiful, there were a few hiccups with some drunken debauchery and nakedness on the part of the groomsmen. A few other little things that caused some drama but nothing major. I made the cake and it came out perfectly (other than the hotel staff smashing the topper). My kids did wonderfully and played their part. Dee danced her little butt off at the reception and says "at my wedding we are going to party first and have the wedding after!"
School finally fixed their error yesterday. Somebody dropped the ball there and I am thinking of submitting a formal complaint.
Preschool: Dee had her first day and she loved it. Totally ready for it. She was vibrating with excitement about it. Only glitch was some other kid must have put their cookie in her backpack on top of her lunch kit because she went to daycare with a cookie and I had no cookies. My cousin who is providing daycare right now asked for the recipe and I was very confused since I didn't send one. I asked Dee if she picked it up she said No that I sent it for her and it was on top of her lunch kit. Luckily she only took one bite and didn't like it. Em started grade one and he says it's way better than kindergarten his only complaint is that he hasn't gotten any homework yet :p What a kid!
Well I gotta go we have dance and hockey this weekend and I am flying solo back for personals later.post #579 of 11669/9/12 at 10:16pm
Nilla - glad you have a calmer household now. I'm sure it's hard financially, but somehow things will work out -and it sounds like they'll work out for the better.
Fall - This is the first fall in 3 years I haven't been off on an expedition. Kind of a nice change to get to harvest all the last things from the garden, and enjoy long sunset dinner picnics in the chilling air (but hang out inside when it's pouring or storming!). We'll be off in the spring instead.
Preschool - Glad all the school-going kids seem happy with it. When I ask K what he did at school, he either says "I won't tell you!" or "Everything!" But he seems to be enjoying it and is excited to go, so that's all good. This year there are 7 kids in his class, which is a lot for here. And he's right in the middle age-wise, where he was the youngest last year. Hoping that might spur him to join in a bit more socially - which has always been his weak point.
AFM - I just sent off the manuscript of my book (two days early), which is a weight off my shoulders. Hard to believe that with all the publishers' pieces and editing and such it still won't be out for another year. Our compound is a whirlwind of activity, as it has been all summer. We start out with the 4 of us and my MIL, and now my SIL has moved back, and her boyfriend is often around, and my mother has been visiting for the past month... And today two of our good friends showed up - they're staying for a month and we're hiring them to help us with construction projects. And the TV producers are in town (not their cameras yet) and they came to dinner, as well as a couple of the neighbors, which brought us up to 14 for dinner, which doesn't seem as strange as it used to. And my garden can feed all of us!!! (pretty proud of it this year)
Also, how are everyone's younger kids doing? I'm shocked to find that L is suddenly all grown up. Talking in long sentences, going up and down the slides at the playground and swinging from the bar at the top, cracking eggs into the mixing bowl, and just generally doing whatever I've assumed she's too small for.post #580 of 11669/10/12 at 4:36am
Nilla, glad things worked out on the mom front. Sounds like it was difficult but the best for everyone in the long run.
Erin, yay on getting your manuscript done! What a load off!
We found a house! It is seriously just behind our house, we can see it from our backyard. They were having an auction there on Saturday, so DH and I walked up there just out of curiosity. We didn't think it'd be a good fit because it's a little small, but it is really a great house. It is a little smaller than we had hoped for, but it's a good use of space. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms just like we need. Plenty of closets and storage in the house. The main living area is just meh... but can be opened up which we'll do. It has a brand new composite deck on it, huge driveway with extra deep garage. All the trim and siding was just repainted this year, new a/c unit put in last year, fairly recent roof. And the basement, wow! It's unfinished, but it's HUGE and we will definitely finish part of it and put a bigger family room down there. The price is perfect too. Actually, it's quite a bit less than we had planned on. DH says it's the perfect compromise. Buying this house will give us just enough space and keep us on track to build later.
Since it was on an auction, we're assuming we're not the only people that looked at it and quite possibly not the only people interested in it. So, we have to move quickly. We're hoping to have an offer in on it by the end of today. Of course, all this week DH is doing a training program for work. He will be home in the evenings, but only that. Normally his work schedule would be flexible and he'd be able to be around to sign papers and go talk to the bank, etc. So, I'm kind of doing this on my own and just bringing him papers to sign. That makes me a little nervous. We were just dating when he bought our current house, so I wasn't really involved with the buying process. So, I have no idea what I'm doing! My mom said she'd be around to help me if I have any questions. Now, we also have to get our house on the market. Of course, we haven't gotten the floors refinished like we would have liked. DH thinks he can get the kitchen finished before we move. He just hates to waste all the money and time he's already put into the new cabinets and wants to get it in so at least someone can enjoy it. It's all built and put together, just needs to be sanded, stained and installed. Ahhh! Wish us luck, I'm going to be a stressed out mess by the end of the week!
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