Courtney - Huge hugs! I agree with everything Starling and Mal said. You are sooo NOT a loser, you are an amazing mother. Anyone would feel the way you do with the stresses you have. Definitely use this place to let out all your thoughts, sometimes it helps just to acknowledge how you're feeling. To answer your more practical questions, a night job along with daytime school and parenting would be too much in my opinion... Unless you were to cut school down to maybe just one course at a time? Or leave school completely until Coraline is in JK. Is it not possible to get daycare subsidies where you are? It's hard for me to give advice because I don't know how things work in the US.. Is there a different education plan that might get you into a good job quicker? I know there are some jobs that you can train for in less than a year (a friend of mine is a medical secretary making decent money and it was only an 8 month program). Then you can consider your bigger educational plans when you're kids are older. This would also be a benefit to help you be financially independent, which I think is always a good thing married or not. Also, I must say that there is nothing wrong with doing the bare minimum to get by. My dinner plan could best be described as 'scavenging', whatever is around, it's food, we're good :P And I rarely ever take R to a park or play with him or do any super involved parenting (he still has fun, he hangs out with me, plays on his own). I go through phases of having more or less energy (usually less..) and R is still thriving. Maybe you can give yourself a break for a bit?
Anyway, I'm just throwing out my thoughts. Life can be a real struggle sometimes, so I understand how you're feeling right now.
Mal - That would be awesome for everyone to come visit me!!!! And I'd gladly make a trip for a group meet, that would be such a fun time :)