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[Partaria]

Has anyone done any work with art or other expressive outlets to work through your birth experience?

I've been working on designing a tattoo that would encompass my birth experience. It's been really amazing to think through what I would want and make different sketches. It's helped me process a lot.

Has anyone else done any drawing, painting, or other?

[CI Mama]

I have thought about getting a tattoo at some point, too. If you feel like sharing your design ideas, I'd love to see them!

I did dance therapy and had a really good experience with that. In my sessions, I wrote, drew, moved, sang/sounded, talked...all of which was very helpful. For me, using both halves of my brain and my body was a very therapeutic approach to healing.

Someday I know I will create some performance work about my experience. I don't have enough distance at this point, and I don't have time while my DD is still young! But I've been collecting ideas and saving them in a journal, and I know at some point I'll turn those ideas into a performance piece.

I'll be interested to hear what others are doing!

[Caracol8]

I've just begun to think about a tattoo to reflect my experience.  I believe it would really be beneficial to my healing.  I also appreciate that this tattoo could give me the sense of control that I lost during the birth.  For me, personally, taking control of whatever I can has really helped me heal.

Now the fun part... what to do? It's fun to think about 

[CI Mama]

For those of you getting/considering tattoos...where will you get it? I was thinking about getting something along my scar, but I have so many stretch marks, it's not a very smooth surface down there. Maybe it doesn't have to be? It also seems like a bit of a waste to put a tattoo in a place that is always covered up, so I'm thinking about something in a more visible, smoother location...like my arm perhaps?

[Partaria]

Yes! I have one tattoo on my back already. This one I want on my arm. To me, this tattoo is going to be my badge of honor, and I want to wear it on my sleeve in a literal sense.

I have played around with lots of images. I haven't settled yet. I think I want to do an illuminated letter D. That's my son's first initial. I want the illumination on it to tell part of the story of the birth.

I would like very much to incorporate a lioness, I think. I am thinking about the figure of a woman leaning forward and facing a lioness, also leaning forward, to form the round part of the lowercase letter d. To me that would symbolize me finding my inner lion heart, and holding open the door for my baby to be born for those three long days. One of the most healing things a friend said to me after my birth was, "Three days is a long time to hold open the doorway for a new spirit to be born. You are like Atlas." That also inspired the art I chose for our group. :)

The lion part comes from a song by Florence and The Machine called Rabbit Heart. She sings about going from being a rabbit hearted girl to a lion heart, and there is a lyric that goes "This is a gift. It comes with a price." I think of that sometimes when I look at photos of my son when he was first born. He is a gift, the greatest gift I have ever gotten. And the birth experience was a gift in some ways, too. It has led me down emotional terrain that would have been left unexplored. But this greater wisdom and compassion for others who have walked this path has definitely come with a price.

[mugglesmom]

Originally Posted by Partaria 

"Three days is a long time to hold open the doorway for a new spirit to be born. You are like Atlas." That also inspired the art I chose for our group. :)

I like that. 

I've been thinking about a tattoo to recognize what happened but I still have a hard time spending too much time thinking about what it really represents to me.  I'm getting better, but to sit and think about it and try to associate images with the experience is scary.  I'm still so raw.  I wish someone would start an art therapy group for losing your perfect birth.  I could maybe do that.

[Partaria]

Quote:

 I wish someone would start an art therapy group for losing your perfect birth.

I love that idea. Truly.

I have also been playing with this idea of associating ancient stories with my birth experience. For some reason, I keep thinking of the story of Demeter. Her daughter, Persephone, was stolen and taken to the Underworld, and Demeter wept and keened for her daughter. The earth grew cold and wouldn't bear fruit because of her suffering. Eventually, her daughter was returned to her for half the year, which is meant to explain the cycle of the seasons. 

I often think of myself as Demeter, sort of. I think of how I mourned this child not coming to me in the way I had planned, and how, when they told me a c-section was our last and only remaining option, I felt like I was descending into the Underworld. I was descending into a place where greatest fears/demons lived in order to find my child who was trapped (quite literally, as he was stuck) there. I did battle with these dark places within my spirit in order to rescue my child, and to free him so he could join us out here in the light and sunshine.

[mugglesmom]

Originally Posted by Partaria 

I love that idea. Truly.

I have also been playing with this idea of associating ancient stories with my birth experience. For some reason, I keep thinking of the story of Demeter. Her daughter, Persephone, was stolen and taken to the Underworld, and Demeter wept and keened for her daughter. The earth grew cold and wouldn't bear fruit because of her suffering. Eventually, her daughter was returned to her for half the year, which is meant to explain the cycle of the seasons. 

I often think of myself as Demeter, sort of. I think of how I mourned this child not coming to me in the way I had planned, and how, when they told me a c-section was our last and only remaining option, I felt like I was descending into the Underworld. I was descending into a place where greatest fears/demons lived in order to find my child who was trapped (quite literally, as he was stuck) there. I did battle with these dark places within my spirit in order to rescue my child, and to free him so he could join us out here in the light and sunshine.

Oh my god!  That's perfect!  It does feel like I lost my birth/baby to the underworld and the world grew cold until I could finally feel the love for him.  I fought those demons too.  That's a great analogy.

[Partaria]

I found a really really beautiful photo on deviantart that I wanted to share. It is, IMO, an incredibly tender depiction of a c-section mama and baby, and it really spoke to me.

As a warning, it is fairly graphic, and shows the mama's staples in full view, so be warned before you look. 

http://lonorising.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d8z1ve

[CI Mama]

Originally Posted by Partaria 

I love that idea. Truly.

I have also been playing with this idea of associating ancient stories with my birth experience. For some reason, I keep thinking of the story of Demeter. Her daughter, Persephone, was stolen and taken to the Underworld, and Demeter wept and keened for her daughter. The earth grew cold and wouldn't bear fruit because of her suffering. Eventually, her daughter was returned to her for half the year, which is meant to explain the cycle of the seasons. 

I often think of myself as Demeter, sort of. I think of how I mourned this child not coming to me in the way I had planned, and how, when they told me a c-section was our last and only remaining option, I felt like I was descending into the Underworld. I was descending into a place where greatest fears/demons lived in order to find my child who was trapped (quite literally, as he was stuck) there. I did battle with these dark places within my spirit in order to rescue my child, and to free him so he could join us out here in the light and sunshine.

The ancient stories thing has really appealed to me, too. The image of the Hindu goddess Kali Ma has been comforting to me. She is usually depicted holding this big bloody knife (among other things), and something about seeing her made me understand my birthing experience in a new way. The thought of being cut open by an unknown surgeon makes me feel very vulnerable and weak, but the thought of being cut open by Kali makes me feel completely different...like I met her intensity and her clarity and lived to tell the tale, so good for me. Maybe that's my own weird interpretation of her, but it has been helpful. I still keep a picture of her on my desk at work; it reminds me that nothing I go through at work, no matter how difficult it may be, will be even half as difficult as what I went through to birth my baby.

I'm not sure I'm gutsy enough to have Kali's image tattooed on my skin! But every time I think of getting a tattoo, she comes to mind.