Without my knowing, dh invited his ex to bring their kids to the hospital when the baby is born and told her he doesn't want her to feel like an outcast. I am really upset about this. I do not want to see his ex in my hospital room just as much as I wouldn't want to see my ex there. We do not have a great relationship with her and she is often causing us problems. In fact she refuses to communicate with us other than texting so it would be very uncomfortable. I suggested that we ask her if one of our parents or siblings could pick the kids up at her house and bring them to see the baby. He thinks I am over-reacting and it's not a big deal and he does not want to do that. What do you think? How would you feel?
Am I being unreasonable? I am so frustrated.
I would say I think its best to have the kids visit at the house when I am home a day or so and she can drop them off then come back and pick them up. Coming to the hospital seems a bit intrusive I mean you would have just given birth let DH know you'll be healing and need a bit of PRIVACY PLEASE! :-) at least until you are home and settled in.
As an ex wife with a kid with my ex... I would not show up at his new wife's post natal hospital bed...(No offense to you personally!!!)
To me it's more awkward that she would even show up... 0_o
Is your husband doing it to rub it in her face that you two are happy together? Or is it something that he hasn't thought through entirely?
I don't think that is cool, either. I would talk to DH and try to understand his motives and reasoning, before just shutting him down. Sounds like it could bring on a weird fight...
But bring up the fact that she won't communicate with you except via text, and that it would be awkward for the kids, too... Do you think she will actually come? Maybe your DH invited her, but knows she won't actually come... but it's one other those 'gestures of good will' where you fully know the other person isn't going to actually take you up on it.
I agree that someone else should bring the kids if they really need to meet the baby...
That said... I honestly don't think the kids will care if it is 2 days after baby is born or 3 to 4 when you are home and more comfortable.
Thanks, guys! We worked it out without too much issue. My hormones were just really escalating my feelings on this and I needed to make sure I wasn't over-reacting. He just hadn't thought it through fully. I think I was even more hurt b/c he invited her without thinking to ask me first. He realized he should have and told her that it would actually be better if another family member of his picked the kids up and brought them instead. She said ok to that. I think she probably was uncomfortable with the invite, I know I would have been as an ex and I tried to explain that to dh as well.
As far as kids coming to the hospital...are most of you that are going to hospitals not having kids come while you are there? I've always had someone bring my kids for a short "meet the baby" and give mom hugs when I'm there. Usually it's after few hours, later in the day after dh and I have had some alone time with baby and all the newborn stuff is done and I'm cleaned up, rested, and fed the baby.
We are still debating about what to do with our 2year old. It would be great to have him there and I think he would be ok with the birth, but I am not sure if I would be fine. I feel very responsible for him and I am not sure if I could really let go and enter labour land completely when he's present. On the other hand, my first labor was under 5hrs from the first 10 min contraction to holding a child in my arms. If this next one is even faster (as I was told might happen) we might not even have time to call friends for help. The hospital is 45min from our home and our friends live ~1hr the other way...
So, we have been watching a lot of birth movies/clips and I have been practicing birthing sounds to get him used to the situation.
Our DD was 4 when DS was born and she was at the hossy the whole time during before and after the birth, DH had taken her for walks she had games etc and snack etc... she was fine. Now we have DD 8 and DS 4.5 I am fine with them being at the hossy the whole time again but the plan is for my mom to be with them at the house it just makes it easier for us since there are two and DH and I can just concentrate on birth. They will come to the hossy after I give birth but really that depends on when this LO is born if it's daytime then they will most likely come for a few hrs to see me and the LO but then go back home with mom and DH (so he can change , rest etc ) but if it's past their bed time then the next morning they'll come...I don't know what I would do if I had an ex and they had kids together, I would not want to exclude but I guess it would be a bit more complicated with regards to planning etc.. ....dunno....I think what ever YOU feel ok with and your DH decide on.