ugh vent about annoying teen

[Arduinna]

I just need to complain that I am so very sick of my teen never doing anything unless asked. Even if I'm sick, like I am today. It's like my house is just the place for free food and hang out. Oh and buy me this would you?

Absolutely no consideration about being the member of a family.

and I'm so sick of it.

lazy lazy lazy

oh and since I have the flu and all I'm really cranky so please no smart ass comments abot "welcome to teens" or something.

[Colorful~Mama]

hey

hope you feel better soon. I am there with you.

she's 14.5 and i should give her cash, take her places, let her friends come over to eat and sleep over....but g-d forbid she should take out the damned trash when its overflowing.

ugh

[Arduinna]

hey my dd is the exact same age. annoying aren't they.

I know what you mean. It's like they live with blinders on. they don't notice a thing. And she only has one chore, but she still can't do it unless she is asked. Every darn time.

UGH

thanks for the support.

[SabrinaJL]

Yep yep yep. One of my brother's chores is to take out the trash. We have to tell him to do it even if he just put something on top of the overflowing pile. Does he not NOTICE that things are falling out? Oh and another one is to load the dishwasher. Yet he almost always leaves dirty pans on the stove or dishes in the living room. Doing the dishes means ALL the dishes. Not just the ones you feel like doing. I know how you feel so you get empathy and a from me.

[Red]

I've been doing this so long, I'd forgotton that I might someday hope they'd do it without being reminded! I mean, what would motivate them, if not my nagging?

They won't even grab their own laundry on their way by it.

I wonder if my 25 yo would...she must, she has her own place. She never did here!

When I'm sicj I ask if they might please make me a cup of tea, and some toast. They usually do it with a good attitude and it makes me feel pampered and less like selling them.

[Dar]

This is probably my biggest gripe with my 11 yr old... I was hoping it improved with age!

When she was little I talked a lot about flexibility, because she had such trouble whenever the plans changed. I think it sorta sunk in, eventually. Now I talk about initiative, and I occasionally yell, but nothing seems to help. Although the toilet overflowed just now while I was outside, and she did go clean it up and plunge it... but nothing short of rushing water splashing onto the floor one room away seems to motivate her. She has been walking past her pile of clean, folded laundry for two days, but it will never make it to her room unless I say "Could you take your laundry to your room, since you're heading that way?". And then she'll do it... but I'm tired of saying something all the darn time.

Vent, vent, gripe, gripe...

Dar

[Arduinna]

snort, I'm finding a little comfort in knowing that I'm not alone in this.

[Red]

Ok, and I have to add, my kids will then take their laundry to their rooms, but NOT put it away. If I say, 'Please put your laundry away" they'll go upstairs, watch tv, and never touch that laundry. Then when I make them clean their rooms, I find still folded laundry in the dirty clothes hamper!

Teach 'em how to do something useful. When I was preggers with the last two, I was on bedrest and the oldest two, 7 and 10, did all the laundry, and cooked dinners. It was toast and a can of fruit, or canned soup and PBand J. I'll always remember my son, giving the washer a goood push across the kitchen floor and then picking up his feet to ride across, then lying on his belly over the edge of the machine, hooking up the faucet to the machine. He was so tiny and so efficient.

Now, he can't drive out to see us cause it would cost too much!!! And cooking a meal? You mean, use the stove? They have restaurants for that!

[jannan]

teen-agers are very annoying. i even refuse to have them volunteer in my room, unless they are pre-screened. ds is a royal pain. i sent him for one week to my sisters. she can keep him. he is coming tonight and i'm not looking foward to it.

arduinna , i hear you loud and clear. I just started throwing his laundry out the back window to the back yard. i'll say" this room is a stye. you need to put away your laundry. it is so gross." he says "yeah, yeah" if i come home from work the next day and it isn't done, out the back window it goes. and he has to go retrive it. i know i'm being a Bitch, but it is my house and my standard of cleanliness.

I've also put the trash on his bed befor after it was over flowing for days.

now, i'm sure i'll be called a child abuser. and i know it isn't AP.

[SabrinaJL]

Haha! Even if you're totally AP I think everyone realizes teenagers need a kick in the ass every now and then. What really irks me is that I don't care how the kids keep their rooms. My take on it is, their rooms, their problems. If they want it messy and not able to find anything that's their business. But they don't!!! They keep their rooms clean without being told to. DB even vacuums and dusts his once a week!!! So I KNOW chores shouldn't be a problem. Yet they are.

[Dar]

Originally posted by jannan
teen-agers are very annoying. i even refuse to have them volunteer in my room, unless they are pre-screened. ds is a royal pain. i sent him for one week to my sisters. she can keep him. he is coming tonight and i'm not looking foward to it.

Whoa.

Okay, I am frustrated by my pre-teen's lack of initiative, but I think if I was at the point where I was calling her "a royal pain" and throwing her laundry out the window, I'd take some steps to change the whole dynamic, like therapy. If you're stooping to his level, I don't think you can work to resolve things. Someone needs to be the adult.

And the whole "Teen agers are annoying" sentiment really bothers me, and I've heard it from other people as well. Just imagine how upset people would be if I went around saying "Babies are very annoying" . I know a lot of teens... the show Rain's in right now has a cast of two preteens (11 and 12), 3 teens, and two adults. The teen girls do spent a lot of time obsessing in front of the mirrors, but other than that they're responsible, pleasant, friendly, and they work hard. And they were cast because they could act, not because they were great people. They just happen to be great people. The dozen or so teens who are my friends are all pretty great people, with some annoying habits - like most people.

Dar

[MamaSoleil]

Oh my...I remember being 14 clearly. My poor family was stuck with me for a full month, in close quarters.My parents had the idea to travel cross country, as a family....they had us take pictures at all the new province borders we were going thru..and everyone of them, I have my back to the camera!:
I feel for you A~but it'll pass. I'm sure you already know that!!!

[Arduinna]

Nat, my mom was did the cross country trip with me too, we were gone all summer and I was 13. It was not that fun. Some of it was fun, but yikes.

And look, I'd never throw my kids clothes out or call her names or make her feel unwelcome. I just want a little responsability for the one measly chore that she has. And really, you can't judge what a teen is to live with based on seeing them in some play or class.

[CerridwenLorelei]

I think they can be annoying as right now

I am annoyed with my teen
He is a great kid but lately he has fallen back into an old habit once broken of doing stuff half a**
Doing half the job then letting it sit until I nag him to finish it up
even though he knows the natural consequences
and he is really bad about losing his little brothers socks ( he decided that they no longer needed two hampers in the room I told him that was fine as long as it was kept up...its about to change back because 16 prs of new socks just don't go missing !)
We talked a little about the half stuff tonight so hopefully things will improve
I hope...

[Dar]

Originally posted by Arduinna
And really, you can't judge what a teen is to live with based on seeing them in some play or class.

I was fine with the venting, and really, my post wasn't aimed at you at all... it's when venting turns into name-calling and disrespect that I feel compelled to speak up.

OTOH, I think I spend more time interacting with many of the teens I know than their parents. I work backstage during shows, I don't just seem them, so that's 2-6 hours at a stretch, 2-5 days a week for weeks or months. The teen boys here on the farm are my "nephews", we wander in and out of each other's houses without knocking, and the 14 yr old will still curl up in my lap even though he's bigger than I am. My own daughter will be a teen in a year and some months, and she does things that get on my nerves sometimes... but she got on my nerves sometimes when she was 2 and 4 and 7, too. And yes, living with a kid and being a parent is different than seeing them in other contexts, but I think parents can lose sight of the whole picture sometimes. And it's never wise to make broad statements about a whole group of people, because you're bound to be wrong..

Dar

[Red]

Broad groups of people like...MEN? I could man bash for awhile too! They ALL watch too much sports, belch in public, and make odd, nasty noises I can't even explain!

I haven't thrown the laundry out the window, but I've considered it. I'd just be the one rewashing it.

And I will have to admit, when my oldest two hit 15, they were absolutely the most unpleasant people I ever met. They were mean and miserable, though they'd still curl up for a hug or snuggle. They wouldn't help around the house, argued about everything. We went for counseling, to someone recommneded as the best in our area. And my son claimed he was physically abused by ME(!!!!) Got the state involved, all cause he wanted to go out more often than we'd allow.

Some teens are just impossible. Like men! : Some mornings I crack myself up!

[momto l&a]

Arduinna, IMO you ought to combine this thread and the other about you being sick and tired of cooking, cleaning and shopping.

Your sick and just in general fed up with house work so why don’t you have your dd take over the all house for a week or two?

She could learn what it really means to care for a house and family, teach her some appreciation for all you do and if she does a good job for the whatever the time frame you set then she gets to do something special.

As I teenager, I loved a challenge like this.

[jannan]

i basically will do anything to get our house up to my standard of cleanliness. and it involves throwing ds' clothes out the back window then i will. and "royal Pain'' is not name calling.

[Arduinna]

Thanks Erin :-)

You know it was wierd, I told her the other day about how I felt about reminding her and her not taking any initiative to do stuff around here. And today I casually mention (no hinting intended) that I wanted to clean some stuff up and she actually said, I can help. So I suggested a couple things and she did them.

Part of her problem is not knowing how to prioritize. She doesn't know where to start. But at least she is partcipating.

[HokieGirl]

Just a big i hear ya from me.

my two favorites from my 14 year old step daughter (with us full-time) are finding 5 used towels on the floor in her room - when there are no other towels in the house and finding the empty juice container IN THE FRIDGE. The sink is right next to the fridge - there was not a drop in it - so how hard is it clean up after yourself.

it does feel good to vent every once in a while.