ugh vent about annoying teen - Page 2

[Lucky Charm]

It's like my house is just the place for free food and hang out. Oh and buy me this would you?

Oh Gosh, i thyought i was the only one that felt that way. That i am a maid, a cook, a ride to wherever.

I think teens can be a pain, because they are older than a helpless infant or an exasperating toddler trying to find his way around the toy box. My kids are old enough to see when things need to be done, but are completely blind to it. I do think thats part of it, teens can be quite self absorbed....its all about *them*. I hate picking up after people that can do it themselves.

Then add the constant worrying about the choices they will make, the people they are with.....its endless.

[LLLKerry]

What a relief!! I thought I was the only AP, LLL, Mothering mama who felt that her pre-teen and teen were insufferable at times! I go to sleep feeling so guilty because I feel like I just nag, nag, nag, all afternoon and evening most days. I actually don't ask my kids to do chores (I know, it's irresponsible of me, but I simply can't tolerate the extra-nagging that it entails) but I do expect help every now and then when I ask, like reading to their little brother or OCCASIONALLY taking out the trash in the bathroom. But I never know how much is too much to expect at this age (14 and 11 and a half) in terms of keeping their things in the bathroom clean (Ie, opened bottle lids, empty shampoo bottles, hair in the tub and sink) and keeping their rooms decent. I used to think I should let my kids have rooms any way that they wanted, but the problem is that they bring MY things in their room (calculator, library book, etc) and then can't find it again. Or they lose their clothes or homework or soccer uniform and then freak out and beg me to find it or "loan" them money to buy a new one (which would entail me driving to the mall) etc.
And generally I try to let them face the consequences of their actions but it kills me to buy them something that then gets ruined from sitting under a wet towel in the closet or whatever. I sometimes feel like I am too mean and put too high a priority on having a semi-neat house, but my dh (who is step-dad to my 2 oldest) goes beserk when he sees my girls leaving dishes, backpacks, hair, etc all over the place. I feel like all I ask is that they have decently clean rooms and clean up after themselves as much as possible, but then sometimes I worry that they will grow up and move out and feel like I never cared about them because I nagged constantly and critisized their lack of responsibility. Anyway, great to vent and good to hear I am not alone, but I sure wish there was an instruction manual about how to handle this and what are realistic expectations at each age!

[SabrinaJL]

Originally Posted by LLLKerry

I used to think I should let my kids have rooms any way that they wanted, but the problem is that they bring MY things in their room (calculator, library book, etc) and then can't find it again. Or they lose their clothes or homework or soccer uniform and then freak out and beg me to find it or "loan" them money to buy a new one (which would entail me driving to the mall) etc.

Mine aren't allowed to take my things. If they want to use something of mine, they ask and I will let them use it right near where it belongs and they are required to put it back immediately. If they don't, they will not get to use it again.

They know that if they lose or break their things I will not be buying them new ones. I completely stick by that. DD lost a library book once and had to pay for it out of her allowance. She was so upset. Begged me to pay for it. I told her that if I had lost it, I would pay for it. But since she lost it, it was her responsibility. She never did that again. And they both keep their rooms clean and take care of their stuff (wish they'd feel that way about their chores).

[Arduinna]

ok a little brag on the heels of my vent.

Today I mentioned again that I wanted to get th house cleaned up and get this she voluntered to mop the kitchen and vaccuum.

I guess that little talk sunk in some.

[HokieGirl]

2 completely different comments:

we sunk to a new low last night on 2 accounts: first, the trash can in the bathroom was so overflowing that sd's tampon had fallen out and on the floor - grossssss - but she didn't seem to think about taking the bag out and putting a new one in.

Next question - are any of you in split families? What has started happening at our house is that if we ask her to do something (pick up the wet towels in her room) it turns into world war 3 with doors slamming, etc. - and then she calls her mom to come pick her up - it's gotten to the point where she knows she doesn't have to listen to us, or interact at all, because she knows her mom will bail her out. Is anybody else dealing with that. We've tried talking to her mom to get across to her that this is not helpful for any of us, but she wants to be seen as sd's savior or something.

[Arduinna]

I don't have that situation now, but I was raised by divorced parents and got pretty good at doing that myself as a teen. I got away with it because my parents were in competition with each other. If they had both worked together and not let me get away with that crap it would have stopped I'm sure.

I'm not sure how to get the mom to see the issue. Seems like she is going to have to learn the hard way. Which will come when she pisses dd off enough that she wants to go to your house.

Have you guys tried group counseling?

[khrisday]

I don't have a teen (actually, I am having my kids cryogenically frozen when they hit puberty ), but I'm living with a 15 yr old niece right now. She is just the same- actually, she doesn't even do thigns when you ask her to, you have to practically stand over or she won't do it at all. I took her to the mall yesterday and she just followed me around poking me and whining "moooo-ooom!" I'm not even her mother! She was just trying to annoy me lol

Oh and it's nice to know there's at least one perfect person in the world