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Mothering › Groups › May 2012 Birth Club › Discussions › Seriously???? *HUGE rant ahead* Please feel free to skip!

Seriously???? *HUGE rant ahead* Please feel free to skip!

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

Someone called me last night from the local Children's Aid Society. Apparently someone called them and told them I am pregnant and on bed rest and that my house is a mess. (It is, I'm not going to deny that...)

 

This is apparently akin to neglect when it comes to a kid with autism, so now my options are letting them in the house to "help" me (often in this county this help comes in the form of them taking your kids away) or fight them in court or make them get them a court order. 

 

I can not believe someone near me would do this!!! Not one of them is willing to come help me, but they're willing to call CAS whom I actively fight against on a regular basis, and tell them I'm neglecting my child????

 

The sheer anger I'm feeling at this all right now is absolutely indescribable. Not one person has stepped up to say "We're here for you, we'll help you out, it's going to be okay." But instead they're calling in an agency who is notorious for destroying families??

 

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???

 

So now, at seven months pregnant, and on medical bed rest, I am now gearing up for a huge fight in the court system, probably anywhere between now and my official due date, and then I get to stare down a judge, and a $10000 an hour lawyer by myself.

 

Awesome huh?

 

Sorry everyone. I really needed to get this all out where I wouldn't have to worry about who ever saw it seeing me vulnerable as hell. I don't even know how to cope with it all yet. I don't even know who called, and I find that I'm more upset the more I think about it.

 

What would you do?

post #2 of 11

Oh, Jynx *hugs*

 

Is it possible the hospital called?

 

If it were me, I'd pull myself together and fight.  After I ranted and cried and stomped my feet.  Maybe you could have your dh carry all the stuff into other rooms, and close off part of your house?  Then you could say that you aren't using all of it, and the places where your dd is are safe and clean?  I don't know if that would fly, but maybe it would make the job smaller.  Or, maybe, can you just stall?  A few more months, and all this turns into a bad dream...you'll have your baby and your body back?

post #3 of 11

Is there anyone you can call and ask for help doing the cleaning today or tomorrow so that when they show up you can show them it's clean?  Can you afford to hire someone to do it? 

 

hug2.gif

 

We do what Just1More suggested - we have gates up all over the place to keep DS out of areas that aren't safe for him.  I know Alena is older, but is there a way to block off the rooms that aren't okay for her?  Hook & eye up high on the door frame even? 

post #4 of 11

Oh, Jynx! Gosh, that is horrible!!! I can't believe that someone called over a dirty house! I mean, anyone on bedrest is not going to be able to get up and scrub the floors! Geez!
Could you just hire someone to come in and clean for you? I know that might be expensive to hire maids but it would be way cheaper than a lawyer and going to court and fighting. Things might be different where you live but it seems to me if you had proof that somone had cleaned the place up that would help..?
I'm so sorry this is happening to you Jynx!
 

post #5 of 11

I...don't even have words for this. It's unbelievable! So someone that knows you well enough to have been inside your house, knows you've been having some health issues and have been struggling to keep up with everything lately, this person calls a government agency to tattle on you instead of offering to come over and help you out like a normal, compassionate human being should? I am so, so sorry you're dealing with this. Could you do as Cristeen & Meredith suggested and hire a housekeeping service to come in and do a deep clean for you, then proceed with the agency from there once that's done?

 

I'm really furious on your behalf. The last thing you need right now is trouble from this agency!

post #6 of 11
:(If someone did this to me...I would be absolutely out of my mind with rage, especially if they were also the people who hadn't been willing to help at all. Gah!! I am sorry you're through this!

After I got over being out of my mind, absolutely I would fight it! This is YOUR child and she is far better off with you, her loving mother, than any nosy state bureaucrat.

I second(third! Fourth!) the recommendation to try and have your dh sort if rearrange the chaos so you have a less cluttered space for your DD.

Other than that...I know money is tight for everyone, but is it possible to hire a service? Or call a local charity or religious group who might perhaps come and help out?

What about your dad? I know he has some unresolved issues(?) involving pregnancy...but would it be possible to give him a very serious "daddy, I really need your help right now?" kind of phone call?

Big hugs and loads of sympathetic outrage (seriously). You are doing everything in your power to care for your DD and I seriously cannot believe how awful people are sometimes... :-( hope it works out sooner rather than later!
post #7 of 11
Thread Starter 

Right now, I'm planning to fight them on this.

 

I am gearing up for it today. I'm trying to see if I can find someone to come help me get this place tidied up and ready for the baby. Especially ready for the baby.

 

Meanwhile I am trying to make my brain slow down and concentrate on not exploding. :P

post #8 of 11

Can you get friends to come in and help clean or hire a cleaning service?  I've done this before when I was super pregnant-- and the people are super nonjudgemental and happy to work.

 

And professional cleaners can do *a lot* in 4 hours...

 

Then you can just let the people from social services in and say thanks for your concern but we are good!

 

((hugs)) mama, who needs more stress right now? YOu sure don't!!

post #9 of 11
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by forestmushroom View Post

Can you get friends to come in and help clean or hire a cleaning service?  I've done this before when I was super pregnant-- and the people are super nonjudgemental and happy to work.

 

And professional cleaners can do *a lot* in 4 hours...

 

Then you can just let the people from social services in and say thanks for your concern but we are good!

 

((hugs)) mama, who needs more stress right now? YOu sure don't!!


It's kind of the plan right now. Cleaning and sorting and getting things set up for the baby, and then taking a long series of pictures to show the courts. I have rights here (most States have the same rights!) that does not allow them to enter my home without a warrant, court order or exigent circumstances (like if I were holding a gun to my child's head... they're really not required to wait for a warrant and I wouldn't want them to.. :P )

 

So I am preparing for the worst, but planning for the best.

 

post #10 of 11

I hope you can find someone to help you clean up.  Maybe try posting something on Craigslist, or Care.com if you don't have friends or family that can help.

post #11 of 11

Sending hugs, this person is just awful to do this. many paryers you don't need this extra stress try to stay strong mama grouphug.gif

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