New to site, Feeling crazy for considering a UC, but even crazier to NOT consider one.

[M Green]

I'm 37 and this is my 6th pregnancy.  I have had 3 hospital births that had complications in some way or another.  With the exception of the first one (I had pre-eclampsia that *I* diagnosed), the second one had mild complications and the last moderate ones--all due to the hospital staff.  The second one I tore a little, the third one, my baby had head compression and some stress (due to their lack of patience and pushing of pitocin), low blood sugar (which they tried to blame on me because of "undiagnosed gestational diabetes" even though I had the testing at the exact time I needed it and didn't have it.  I recently found an article from one of the OBs most trusted associations that said that infant low blood sugar can be due to glucose iv given to mom--which they DID give me.) 

In the first one, I had terrible care and was forced into quite a bit that I didn't want.  I had a terrible delivery, and terrible discharge issue.  I understand that with pre-eclampsia I really needed to be in a hospital, BUT, that's no excuse for terrible treatment.  After I healed from the unnecessary birth rape, (something that took close to 3 years), I decided that it was because it was a military hospital and that the results would be different somewhere else.  They were, but not terribly--even though I didn't have any complications.  

In anycase, from the first delivery on, I had this nagging feeling that none of it was right and was, in fact, dangerous.  I kept dreaming of going camping and giving birth where no one could find us and interrupt me. 

The 2 pregnancies I had before this current one ended in miscarriages.  But, I had decided to do a UP with a UC (once I found out that there ARE other options) when my husband would not opt for the additional cost of a midwife.  I had the flu with the first one and was sick for 2 weeks.  Not just, "I don't feel good, but I'll do a load of laundry anyway" kind, but the "I can't get out of bed" kind.  I was 16 weeks during this time and had a sudden fear that I had lost the baby one night.  At 19 weeks, I started spotting.  I went to the emergency room to find out that my suspicions were right.  The ER staff seemed to think that it was the flu I had that took him, though the OBs remain ambivalent and prefer "unexplained".  Still, the ER staff said there wasn't really anything that could have been done if I had come in for the flu anyway.  I did get to deliver his body at home and it was wonderful--even though it WAS a delivery, complete with contractions and transitional phase--though it was quicker.  I wasn't prepared for the massive blood clots (some bigger than the baby) and the amount of bleeding (they didn't prepare me for that--I was thinking it would be more like a full-term delivery, and it wasn't and isn't expected to be.)  I thought I was hemoraging so I went back to the ER to deliver the placenta and was told that my bleeding and clots are normal for a miscarriage of this gestational age.  Must have been because they didn't really do anything for me.  Once I delivered the placenta, the bleeding just nearly stopped. 

The second one was at 7 weeks.  I got pregnant 4 months after the loss of the first one--which was the recommended time that I should wait.  (Well, 3 months, anyway.)  They couldn't do anything about that one, either.  That was like a hard period and I had more bleeding than a normal period, but I didn't bleed too many days overall.

This one I conceived 4 months after the second miscarriage.  I took my time making an OB appt because I didn't want the stress they would cause and I was sort of waiting to miscarry again.  I still wanted to do a UC, but I thought that I should at least do prenatal care with an OB. 

Well, I had my first OB appt yesterday (I'm 17 weeks now).  I was deeply disappointed.  Besides the ultrasound and blood work, I'm not getting any care that I can't and don't provide for myself here at home.  I test my urine (the strips are easy to get), listen for a fetal heartrate, and take my blood pressure with a foolproof cuff.  I DO feel like I got railroaded into a procedure or two that I didn't need. 

I'm thinking of keeping the appointment for the ultrasound and the appointment afterward just to make sure that I have all the test results, then dropping the rest of the appointments because there isn't anything that they can do for me in normal care that I can't provide for myself.  I think I've proven with the miscarriages that if I find something wrong, I don't hesitate to get help. 

In anycase, it's a strange predicament.  I KNOW I can trust my body better than them.  I certainly don't feel safe at a hospital AT ALL.  I'm getting a lot of "you're crazy and reckless" responses if I even mention it, which I try not to listen to, but at the same time my experience has proven time and time again that a hospital is NOT the place to be for a normal delivery. 

Anyway, anyone else have similar reasons for UP/UC?  Did you have any problems with getting a pediatrician if you had insurance?  Birth Certificate/SSN#?  How do you handle the feedback?  Any problems with authority from either applying for a birth certificate or pediatrician appt?  Have you even been asked about the birth at peds?  Just want to know what to prepare for in these areas. 

Thanks for any feedback you can give.

-M Green

[MotheringBliss]

Hello M Green,

Deeply, deeply sorry for your losses.  Seems many pursue UC prompted by grief, trauma, and disappointment and still find little or no direct support in figuring things out.

Is your husband willing to help?  What sites, books, articles have you explored?

I have not had issues with postpartum care or paperwork.  Their minimal questions have always been respectful/curious, without hassle.

However, there is a growing number of homebirth/UCish women who have decided to transfer to finish delivering, and experienced intrusion and removal from their homes by hospital staff, forcibly imposing testing and assessments using coercive threats.

So, some women are now lining up undisclosed locations to handle post discharge care to avert possible interference entirely.

Another logistic to be addressed amidst so many others.  Sigh...

[slmommy]

You might want to check out a book - "Unassisted Homebirth" by Lynn Griesemer, if I remember right, she had 2-3 births in hospital, no trauma but she wasn't happy. I don't think she had any losses, but her story and feelings about UC are interesting, I think she start ucing after the 3rd or 4th?

I would recommend the Ina May books and "Heart and Hands" by Elizabeth Davis for more technical information.

Like pp asked, how does your husband feel? That can be a huge factor, for better or worse.

I am not in the US so I don't think my bc/pedi experiences are too relevant, but do you have a pedi you like now for your kids? You can always say it was just a homebirth, and they can assume midwife... Having a UC is not illegal. I would just try to cover yourself as much as possible in terms of having some documented pre-natal care/pregnancy confirmation, have pedi or someone lined up, etc.

I wouldn't talk about it "in real life" to anyone other than who needs to know - DH, and that's about it.  I found after the fact, people did not say anything bad, at least to my face. I had family who were sooo amazed they talked too much it about for my liking, (after the bird), but no one said anything bad to me, and actually people started telling me about their birth traumas/things they didn't like about hospital births, etc. 

[BlessedOne]

I have had 4 deliveries (two of which were UC) and now I am 31 weeks pg with my 5th that I plan to UC.

My first child was a hospital birth and I really hated the experience through out my pregnancy and delivery. I joke that the only good thing about using the hospital is that I have nurses to wait on me hand and foot after the baby is born...lol. I didn't have any really horrible complications....but I did feel the extra stress because of the hospital staff. I remember towards the end of delivery, I had nurses yelling at me and practically jumping on top of me trying to get me to push because they were concerned the baby would suffocate in the birth canal.....which from what I have learned is pretty much impossible providing the umbilical cord and placenta are doing their job....but that is beside the point. Either way...they created the issues and stress.

With my second, I chose to use a birthing center. I went as hands off as I could and it was not bad, although the one thing I liked about the hospital didn't happen at the birthing center.............they were not my maids! lol A few hours after birth they kicked me out..lol. But all in all, it was great.

With my third I didn't care to have to do the 6 hr drive to the birthing center and I felt more impowered......so I spoke with my midwife from my second delivery and she had confidence in me to do a homebirth. So I tried to pursue a midwife to attend my homebirth. I interviewed the handful available and I wasn't pleased with any of them....so then I decided to look into UC.

I THOROUGHLY enjoyed my two UCs. And honestly I don't plan to ever change the fact that I UC! It was so much more peaceful and relaxing!

Now I will say with my first UC I did have a run in with child services after I took my baby to be checked out at the drs office. They thought it wasn't normal to have a baby at home and turned me in. The social worker that came to my house was so nice, she was like I don't know why I am here...having a homebirth is not illegal and she even said that she would have done it had she not been high risk!  So we just sat and talk for a few...she didn't search anything and didn't even bring an officer with her. She did the paperwork for it all to be cleared and that was that. With my second UC I didn't have any issue.

To get SSN just go to the govt site...find the right office and call them and have them send you a form you fill out (you might be able to just print it....I know I had mine sent to me). Fill out form, get it notorized and send it back in. In a certain amount of time if everything was filled out right, then they send you a ss card. Then you can go to the county health dept. that the child was born in and pay to have them print off an official birth certificate. Easy peasy........I don't know if all states are the same...but that is how mine is.



Hope that helps!
 

[momomom]

I had 1 hossy birth, not horrific, but not good either.  Then 2 homebirths with an AWESOME midwife.  Now we will be moving to a state where midwifery at homebirths is illegal- ugh!  That's why we are looking into UC.  Both my midwives feel I am a good candidate for UC.  Heart and Hands was the book recommended to me by my midwife.  At first I was thinking, UC, no way!  But now that I have decided, I feel really excited and happy.  Dh is a lil' worried yet, but he plans on reading Heart and Hands, so hopefully that will help him feel more peace.

Right now I'm just hoping to find a reasonably priced used doppler!

[dreammama]

I feel crazy too!  My husband is hesitant to do UC, but deep down I've always wanted to.  Now we are in a position where we have no money for the hospital and no desire to go there if we did. We also have no midwife.  I think the time has come for us to give it a try!  This will be our 3rd baby, and both my other deliveries were complication free.  We are currently seeing an OB.  We can't afford that either, but we're in a bit of a spot because I'm sensitized, which means I have developed antibodies to my baby's blood (I'm a negative blood type and my husband is positive).  So far my numbers have remained low and the baby is not in danger, but that could change.  If baby becomes affected we will be forced to do a hospital birth and figure out how to pay for it later since baby could be anemic.  We have 11 weeks to go, and they can't go fast enough.

I'm with you momomom!  We're trying to find a doppler too!  Found some on ebay but not sure of their quality.

[dreammama]

Oh and we're due mid June!

[lovingthis]

I wouldn't talk about it "in real life" to anyone other than who needs to know - DH, and that's about it.  I found after the fact, people did not say anything bad, at least to my face. I had family who were sooo amazed they talked too much it about for my liking, (after the bird), but no one said anything bad to me, and actually people started telling me about their birth traumas/things they didn't like about hospital births, etc. 

That is where I am with it. Like you M Green, initially I felt crazy for considering this, but the more I considered my hospital experience, the more I dealt with the issues athe military hospital, the more I felt like I actually have a higher chance of complications there....and I live so far from the hospital anyhow that regardless of what i was planning, I wouldmost likely be here ( or on the road somewhere) when such a complication arose anyway....

However, I don't like to hear people's judegements, and I realize ( not to sound arrogant) that I actually know more about the dynamics and statistics surrounding birth than pretty much anyone I would be talking to about it anyway. Just like baby names, their judegements will be a lot less harsh ( and better informed) after the fact. I would rather focus on the positive thoughts surrounding birth, instead of having to defend us against the sensationalized "what ifs"- that is not to say that we haven't discussed how to handle emergencies...but that is very different . As far as the midwives I am going to for prenatal...definitely not. We are military, and I worry that if someone took a particular issue with our plans, they ould contact DH chain of command and try to turn it into a disciplinary issue. We don't want that.

I had always visualized birth as just DH and I. With a good midwife, like I had last time, it was more or less just the two of us. But that midwife is not an option, and we couldn't find one that would fit. We just realized that with the exception of a couple of things, that we have never needed in all 3 births, we are just as capable of doing for ourselves what they could do for us.

Hubby is super supportive. I realize that is a blessing. He actually confided to someone, and in a way it was really nice to feel like we don't have to keep this completely secret. The friend was actually very supportive about it, saing that they didn't hb their kids, but everyone in his family apparently had. So he is praying for us, and it is nice to kow that someone out there is sending positive thoughts without judging us.

As far as logistics for handling the birth certificate,post partum check etc.....I will have to let you know in a few weeks. Deciding to just go for it, while educating ourselves and preparing for pretty conservative transfer reasons, has been like lifting a weight off of both of our shoulders.