I need some guidance.
I have two sons adopted through foster care (well, adoption of my 2yo isn't quite yet finalized). My 3yo has special needs and behavior issues, and I'm hoping to enroll him in a special needs preschool. Our county has three programs and our district is assigned to one of them. It's a few towns away, but that's how things go in my rural area. I toured the school this week.
On the way in, a mom happened to be checking in at the office to visit her child's classroom. She left, then came back and came up to me in the hallway. She looked like she was going to cry and introduced herself as the bio aunt of my son. My son was right there holding my hand and she recognized him (he is autistic so he didn't even look at or recognize her). She has a criminal record, but is probably generally safe. The next morning, she posted on Facebook (no privacy settings) that she saw him there. Now the whole family, from whom he was taken for what they did to him, knows he was there. It wouldn't take a lot of thought to infer that he is or will be a student there. These people could legitimately enter the school to see their other grandchildren/nieces/nephews and my son would be there.
To add a strange twist, I got into the classroom and found another surprise. There are only several students and I noticed that one of them looked like my 2yo son, who was not with me at the time. (My 2yo is too young for preschool, but might start in this special needs classroom in 6 months to a year.) I chalked it up to the fact that my son and this child both obviously have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome facial features and the same hair color. Then when I heard this child's name, I realized I was looking at the biological half-sibing of my son! No wonder they looked alike! They share the same mother. Although she does retain some legal rights to the child I saw, she is very unlikely to get involved in the school. (Lack of involvement is part of the reason for removal.) By the time my son is old enough to attend the program, the bio half-sibling will likely be aged out and into a different classroom — probably the one next door.
This was all pretty shocking to me. I was all ready to enroll my son in the program, but on the way home it hit me that this could be a serious safety issue. I called both my school contact and the director of special education to see if my son could attend the same program at another school, which is actually closer to our house. They said it's full (if my son were assigned to that building, they wouldn't be allowed to say it's full; they would have to accommodate him). I sort of feel like the school is not offering an appropriate educational option for my child, but they say they are since they have security measures in place to protect kids at the school he's assigned to attend. I feel like they may have dealt with some ugly custody issues in the past, but maybe not a child whose past abuse and neglect by a whole family was as serious as my son's. And probably not with people who aren't afraid of a school receptionist telling them they can't be there (they don't seem to be afraid of law enforcement!)
We have changed my son's entire identity so his bio family can't track him down. Social Security and Medicaid even issued him brand new numbers so it's not possible to track him down through those systems. The bio mother and a grandmother have put in writing that they intend to find him and get him back and they'll never stop trying. They have no legal standing to do so, but when people have psychological issues and addictions they can't always process that.
I feel like I'm left with no public school options for my son other than to enroll him at the school where the bio relatives are. I could use advice about what to do.
By way of background, I homeschool my other kids and am pretty adamant about it, but my son's special needs and behaviors are severe enough that managing my stress level means I need to get a break from him. It's awfully hard for me to say that, but it's the painful truth.