Soooo. I'm just feeling so alone and burned out. I don't know what to do. I have 3 kids (ds 8, ds 5, dd 2) and I'm 8wks pregnant with #4. I homeschool because ds1 has special needs, I have severe morning sickness (currently taking zofran but still sick 24/7) and I'm really struggling with just keeping the kids clothed and fed and shuttling them to their appts etc. Oh, and I have 3 dogs, was going into a partnership with this poodle breeder as a way to bring in some money, and it turns out one of the dogs she gave me is going to have puppies in a few days here. So I'm up to my elbows in sh*t and I have not 1 person to lend me a hand.
I've only been single for a year and a half, I was married to the dad of the first 3 and he was an amazingly supportive husband and involved dad... unfortunately he had sort of a mental breakdown and he's not there for me or the kids anymore. He was my best friend and it's hard enough to have lost that.
The dad of this baby first demanded I get an abortion, then came back and said he wanted to "make it work" but acted like he didn't, and now he's going to North Dakota for 2 months to try to find work. He's not a very good man, not supportive, not a good dad to his own 4yr old, and lately has not been kind to my kids either. He SAYS he wants to be a family, but he doesn't ACT like it. When I met him he was working and we had a really great thing going. Then he stopped working and became this loser stoner grumpy insensitive guy I don't like at all. I guess I'm hoping when he's working again he'll get better? Pfff I don't know. Really I'm just afraid to be completely alone with no people whatsoever.
I tried to talk to my brother's girlfriend (no kids, goes to "school" and is supported by my brother, also she recommended I get an abortion when I confided to her I was pg in the first place ha!) and she told me to watch a documentary on a 3rd world country, quit my negativity and "buck up little soldier".
That was kind of the last straw... I serously feel like I want to crawl in a hole and not come out for a few years. Every day is a battle for me to just get through and make it to bedtime and I can't get any HELP. I don't know how I got to this point in my life but I've never been more lonely, scared, or just plain burned out. I know people have it worse. I do understand that. But today that doesn't make me feel any better about my lot here.
I just don't know what to DO. I feel like my heart is breaking, I just don't want to live like this anymore