My son's dad and I separated/divorced in December 2008. On NYE of that year (really soon I know but it wasn't intentional at all) I met someone and we fell head over heels in love. By that spring, he had become severely depressed. He has bipolar and told me at the very beginning and we decided we'd go with it...the bipolar isn't going anywhere, you know? Anyway, from then (Spring 2009) until now, I've taken care of him through a very deep depression. I've done everything...cared for my son, worked full time, did everything around the house, errands, everything. I didn't make my partner lift a finger and I never tried to force him to get a job or do something he didn't want to. We're musicians and I dropped over $2k on gear in hopes of bringing him out of the depression and motivating him to work again. All I wanted was for him to feel better. We got along really, really well, we felt perfect for each other. I thought that when he got out of the depression, things would be the same, we would be us but even better because he'd be happy, motivated, etc. We have a little business we run together. This past NYE, he proposed. We had been talking about getting married and we were really happy and excited for it. We had been making plans for a few months already and we were just really happy and content. Things were going really well and I was very happy.
In early January of this year, the depression disappeared and became mania. Since then, he's decided that I'm a burden, I cramp his style, he needs freedom. He goes out clubbing (we're in music business, make music, DJ, etc so this isn't out of the norm in itself) alone and says he needs to do that as much as possible to get away from me. We've fought terribly because I apparently can't question or oppose anything he does or cramp his lifestyle in the slightest. He's been talking to other girls and this morning came home, broke off our engagement, said he wants to date other people but probably still stay together, and had a strange girl's number in our cell phone. I know he's been talking to girls at clubs and on Facebook and such but I haven't said anything. He said we work well together for our business and he doesn't want to lose that, but he doesn't want commitment to me and has to have freedom. He said he's not 100% in this relationship in his heart or mind anymore but he wants to try to see if we can work it out.
I know some people do the open relationship thing but I can't and that was made clear from the very beginning. The thought of him taking other girls out while I'm at home (because he's not sure if he would want me to be able to date around -- and I have no desire to do so), treating them the way he should be treating me...it just kills me. It hurts so incredibly much.
I know much of this is because of the bipolar but it is still devastatingly painful for me. My son's dad cheated on me and was abusive, and when we broke it up it was easy for me to hate him for those things. I was angry at him, I hated him, I wanted him out of my life. This situation is different though...my partner didn't do anything wrong for the three years we were together. I have never taken care of someone the way I have taken care of him all this time. As much as I'm making him sound terrible, he has been such a good person previous to the past several weeks. We clicked...we are very similar in our likes, our worldviews, everything just meshed. I've never had such a connection with someone and that's why when he needed someone to care for him I put all of myself into it without a second thought.
There is also the problem that my partner has been my son's father figure/daddy for more than half his life. My son loves him very deeply. If we broke up he would be very badly hurt as well. Through all of this the past several weeks, it kills me when my son comes up to him randomly and hugs him and says "I love you daddy." I know he really does. It isn't just me who would get hurt if this ends, it would be my son too and that makes me feel overcome with guilt. What do I tell him if we break up? How do I help him through this when I feel like I can barely get myself through it? Will he be traumatized and messed up as an adult?
I just don't understand how he could do this to me. I feel so used and abandoned. He knew I had just come out of a bad relationship, I have my son who needs a happy and secure home and I've worked so hard to give him everything. I HAVE given him everything. I've never been a 24/7 caretaker for someone before but that's what I was...and to all of a sudden be a burden and to be tossed aside (which is how I feel)...I can't even put into words how deeply hurt I am. I was more open than ever, 100% honest, and gave every single bit of myself that I didn't even know I had in me to him and now he's decided he's bored with me now that he feels better and can be more self sufficient.