I think it sounds normal, Cristeen. Maybe hard to live with...but normal.
This is our third baby and my sixth pregnancy. We lost three in between this baby and dd2. My dh is not all warm and squishy about things like feeling the baby moving and stuff like that. To the point that if i say come feel the baby move, he'll probably say "busy right now." I think he's talked to the baby/felt it move only three or four times. (OTOH - lots of sex over here so yay)
He hasn't been to a single one of my midwife appointments and I don't think he'll be going to any unless I end up doing an u/s or something. Whereas I feel like this pregnancy has been completely amazing and transforming for me, physically and spiritually, he hasn't really gone through any of that with me. Early on I as geeking out reading Birth Matters (Ina May) and Childbirth without Fear and he did sort of let on that he was not nearly as excited about all that stuff as me.
but I get that. And I don't feel like he's not meeting a need by not being all mystical and maternal with me. There are just some journeys on life that are solitary affairs.
Still, he is very attentive unless he's pre-occupied with his projects. He does ask me how I'm feeling from time to time, bugs me about taking my vitamins, resting, eating well, etc. But that is very much SOP for my dh since forever. He's very protective and he definitely looks out for all his girls (wife and daughters).
And I also should add - at the moment, my dh is self-employed (and unpaid :-( ) and he's at home with us. This has been our situation for over a year and it's proved to be a huge blessing for him and for our family because it gave us time to reconnect and heal from some really traumatic things that we went through over the last few years...I think if he were working for a company like the one he worked for before...there's no way he'd be as amazing and tuned in right now as he is. It feels like companies these days demand you sell your soul to them and speaking from experience, it can wreck havoc on family life. Especially when most people are so scared of losing their job and not being able to find another one that they wouldn't dream of sticking up for themselves.
that's a heavy load for a guy to walk around with, especially when there are also issues at home. Sometimes they seem to just shut down as a means of "coping" with it all. Men just aren't as good at multi-tasking, especially emotionally. :-/
But. And there is a but. For us, there is definitely an understanding that if one of us has expectations for how the other needs to act/support etc, we have to say it. The paradigm for our marriage is that it's unfair to expect your spouse to meet needs that you're not being straightforward about having...so there have been times when I've said "I need you to support me right now in xyz way..." and for the most part, he'll follow through. I just had to learn after lots of pain and suffering ( :-) ) that he is a guy. He does not have powers of telepathy and while he might be more attentive than average, he still just doesn't get stuff sometimes. So I either have to help him understand, or get over it and adjust my expectations.
When I had dd2, I was really scared in the final weeks of pregnancy that he wasnt going to support me during labor because I'd already done it once and it was old hat. So I wrote out a list of things I wanted him to help me with in labor and then talked to him about my fears. Turns out they were massively unfounded and he was an amazing support during her birth...but he totally didn't get that I was walking around brooding about those fears until I just said outright - look, I'm afraid you're not going to be the support I need during this birth. Once we talked about it, he could see things from my perspective and was amazing when the day finally came. I'm a fan of just confronting the issue head on before it becomes a huge fight...you never know what's going on in their heads.