As much as I wanted a natural birth, after 36 hours and pushing for another 2 hours, I ended needing a c-section. I've never felt like I didn't give birth, it never crossed my mind. We have a beautiful little girl and that's all that matters to me. People shouldn't get so hung up on these things. Who cares. People just like making other people feel bad.
I have thought about the semantics of this many times. I was beautifully prepared, educated and ready for my unmedicated, vaginal birth. I had done all the right things. My DD, however, was found to be breech, and wasn't budging. At first I thought she would flip on her own (of course, right? I was prepared...these things don't happen to prepared people who desperately want the experience of labor! HA!). Around 32 weeks, however, I began to enlist the help of my doula and acupuncturist. Long story short, I tried acupuncture, moxabustion, chiropractic, doing flips in pools, yoga, visualization, hypnosis to let go of any of my anxieties that could be "impeding" her from flipping, frozen blueberries on the top of my belly and warm compresses near my pelvis, and the list goes on. I felt like a hippie, crunchy extremist, but more than anything, I felt like I was a mother trying to get the "right" outcome for her daughter. My daughter's head was easily felt on the top left of my uterus. I could rub it every second of every day. Every time I woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom (we all know how that goes), the first thing I would do was to put my hand there to see if she flipped while I was sleeping. It was a subconscious, yet methodological and anal retentive, reaction I did every single time. Most nights, her head would be lower down, in the transverse position, so I always got excited that she was on the right path. As the weeks passed on and she still wouldn't flip, I began to think that she was physically unable to flip. If she could get her head from striaght up to sideways, but not all the way down (when my pelvis was perfectly aligned and my round ligaments were loose), then she was trying to do her job but simply couldn't for some reason. I decided to trust my daughter and give her the benefit of the doubt that, if she could flip, she would. She was trying, and I gave her credit for that. I had a c-section on her due-date, the day after Christmas.
I cannot express to you the loss I felt, and still feel, over having to give up my natural labor. In the final weeks when all my attempts of flipping her were to no avail, I was so nervous about the surgery (I've never had so much as a broken bone, or any hospital stay whatsoever), about the respiratory complications involved for babies of c-sections, of my healing, but mostly, for the rite of passage that was taken away from both of us. I wanted to birth my baby, and I wanted both of us to experience birth the way nature intended. I made myself sick over this. My final weeks of my beautiful, perfect pregnancy were being tainted by this impending "doom"! So, I decided to change my mentality, accept things for what they were, and plan my c-section on her due date. Many, many of my friends were encouraging me to wait to go into labor because some babies flip during labor. Others were giving me the names of doctors who would deliver breech babies (two hours away from where I lived). I heavily weighed these, but I did not feel they were the best choice for us. I knew in my heart she wasn't going to flip, and the attempt to deliver a breech baby still had a high chance of ending up with a section, so I just changed my focus on preparing for surgery and recovery. I educated myself on a different kind of labor. And...it went off without a hitch. I had my baby--scratch that--I BIRTHED my baby, she was laid, skin-to-skin, on my chest immediately after checking her breathing (which was fine), she stayed with me for a while as I was stitched up, my husband went with her when they took her briefly, and she was brought into recovery where she immediately latched on to my breast...and didn't let go for 2 1/2 years! Did I still feel cheated, even after holding my perfectly healthy, amazing baby in my arms? Absolutely. I feel cheated to this day. I will always feel cheated out of my natural labor. But that does not minimize the birth that I was able to give to my daughter. I made the most educated and safe decision that would ensure the best outcome for my daughter, given my choices.
So, someone please tell me, even now, that I did not "birth" my daughter. I have actually thought about that word choice when saying it, because it feels so natural coming out of my mouth, but my brain often questions its validity when I hear myself saying it. I get the discrepency, I really do. But what these people who are so quick to judge people who have had a c-section need to realize is that, while there is an exorbinant amount of elective c-sections for reasons of convenience, etc, there are also medically neseccary c-sections, and the fact of the matter is that some mothers and babies would die without the medical option of a c-section. Period. Would I or my child have died had a chosen to give birth to a breech baby...likely not. However, it very likely would have ended up in an emergency c-section anyway because she had a very short umbilical cord, and my OB said that even if she had flipped, he didn't know if she had enough cord to make it through the birth canal, again ending up in an emergency c-section. So, I did NOTHING differently than childbirth educators tell mothers to do...trust your body. I trusted my body and my baby, and I came out with what I feel was the best scenario given the circumstances. I can honestly say that I would do the same thing over again, and I have absolutely no regrets with my decision. My recovery was easy, I didn't have to take anything other than ibuprofen after the surgery, so I minimized my daughter's exposure, and I did everything I could to ensure things went exactly as planned, minus an incision in my abdomen!
Women need to stop being so critical of one another. When I hear of a woman saying these things, it makes me feel like SHE feels unfulfilled in her birth. It is disempowering to her. If she is tyring to bring awareness to the unncessary c-sections that occur in our country, go about it a different way, please. Don't insult women to make yourself feel better because you feel like you are doing something "for the cause". On the other hand, I suppose I need to thank her in some degree, because now when I say I gave birth to my daughter, my brain will no longer question my semantics. As a pp said, the definition of birth does not specify the method at hand. Excluding women from one another, regardless of their differences, never makes your point. Fail on her part.
I'm not bothered by people saying they gave birth after a c-section, but I have a hard time saying it for myself. I think many of the PPs are right, we need to use whatever language we need to describe our own birth experiences.
I didn't used to say this. But now, after I have processed my c-section more, I say it. For me, I initially felt like a failure for having had a c. I felt like the (total jerk) doctor delivered my son, and I just laid there, admitting defeat. But now, I have a very different perspective. I put myself through hell to get my son here safely. I birthed that kid. End of story.
This is just my own journey with that wording, and I am totally not saying other moms should feel this way, nor do I think that other moms who don't use the "I birthed my child" language feel like failures. This has just been my own experience with how I use those words.
I completely agree w/CI Mama and LiLStar, a mother's words have power, and how she chooses to talk about her birth should be honored.
I hope that everyone responding to this thread knows that we now have a social group on MDC for women to connect around the experience of unplanned c-section following a long labor. Go to this link to sign up: http://www.mothering.com/community/groups/show/25/unplanned-c-section-after-long-labor-support-group
If this person was talking about someone else (and it sounds like she was) that makes me just sick. I had an emergency c-section after trying for a more "natural" birth and it was extremely traumatic for me. 3 years later I still shake when I talk about it. Personally, I cannot call it birth for me, because I feel like it was done to me, not something that was empowering at all, unfortunately. Some day I hope to be able to come to terms with what happened and maybe even refer to it as birthing, but I am not there yet. But one thing I have learned in my healing process is that there was nothing "unnatural" about it. It was a surgical birth as opposed to a vaginal one. It bugs me when people call vaginal birth "natural" even referring to a vag birth with an epidural. My DH has put it this way - maybe it was necessary and maybe it was not. Maybe X number of years ago I would have died if I hadn't had a c-section, or maybe my baby would have died. That would have been "natural". We just don't know in my case, so I need to stop thinking that my body failed me, and I failed my baby. Some women need the "help" of the epi or whatever else, others need the "help" of the scalpel, whether they choose it or not, if this is what they believe they need to birth, then that is their choice too. Healing for me has been a slow process, and I am getting there.
And for sure, I used to be the kind of person who might judge someone for choosing to have a c-section, for whatever reason, but I really try not to do that now. Birthing is extremely powerful and experienced so differently by every woman. It is no one's place to judge another. I did say (scream!) many times while I was recovering, "what woman would ever CHOOSE this?!" because the recovery was extremely painful for me, both physically and emotionally. Having now birthed vaginally as well, I can say I would do that 10 times over before consenting to another c-section, unless it was medically necessary. The recovery for me was far worse than labour and pushing (and no I did not have an epi).
There was one day when I was planning my 1st vbac, I was thinking how wonderful it would be to snuggle my fresh-from-the-womb newborn skin to skin and have that wonderful post birth high, together with my baby. I felt sad that I couldn't have that with my dd. It wasn't fair.. I wanted ALL my kids to have that ideal immediate after birth bonding experience. Then I decided right then that even if i didnt feel i "birthed" my dd, i could still GIVE birth to her. i can normalize birth for her. i can allow her to see videos. teach her to love and respect her body and know how amazing it is and how much potential it has. teach her the anatomically correct terms for all her body parts. I let her watch birth videos, hear the birth noises, and see how beautiful it can be. She slept through the home births of both her baby brothers, but at the most recent birth she said she thought I was watching a birth video because of the sounds I was making! So I guess I woke her up, but she stayed in bed. dh got her after he was born. We showed her how the cord attached baby to placenta. She knows theres a "santa" in the freezer right now. She knows so much more than other kids her age! So in that way, I gave her birth.
Yes, I gave birth. I gave birth once through an incision on my abdomen. Then, I gave birth twice through my vagina. He's still my son. I still birthed him.
I gave birth 3 times...once vaginally to a child who survived, once vaginally to a child who died during that vaginal birth (at 41 weeks gestation), and once via c-section to a child who survived.
All of my children were all born by someone giving birth--3 of them to me and 1 of them to another woman. I gave birth to all of my biological children....not one of them was hatched. ;-)
For example, if you're recalling an event to a friend, would you say "Yes, I remember that, I was lying in my hospital bed about two hours after giving birth to my son when I saw it on the news" even if you had a c section?
I want opinions from c section mamas on this because I was on yahoo and one lady was throwing a *bleep* fit at how some women who have had c sections will say that they "gave birth". She was really irate because she doesn't think that c section mamas have the right to say that they "gave birth" because they didn't physically push the baby out of their vaginas.
That yahoo lady is one of the reason that so many people have a hard time with their c-sections. C-sections can and ARE life-saving for some mothers and some children. Nobody should feel like they have to justify it to other people. Women should be supported instead of feeling like they only gave birth if their babies came out one specific way (because let me tell you, as a mother who LOST her baby BECAUSE of a vaginal birth gone bad, I can tell you, a CHILD makes you a mother. Not the hole it came out of.)
I wish people would just "keep their eyes on their own work" and stop telling other people how they should feel about their own experiences. Mothers need to SUPPORT mothers, and not constantly try to bring them down.
Of COURSE I gave birth. Only an idiot would suggest that I didn't. It became clear that a c-section was the best option to get my child here safely, so I did what a mother does... I put aside my own desires and did what was best for my child. Having my child here safe and healthy means a lot more than meeting some arbitrary ideal of birth... an ideal that in the big picture really just doesn't make any difference.
Yup. That is exactly what I say. I have no ambivalence, either.
I wish people would just "keep their eyes on their own work" and stop telling other people how they should feel about their own experiences. Mothers need to SUPPORT mothers, and not constantly try to bring them down.
YES. This. Absolutely.
I defitely think of "gave birth" and I was very devestated by my c-section. It is actually major surgery. I was rejected for home birth or midwife by my HMO and my age. We practiced Bradley method on our own and then had to go to the hospital and ended up pissed as hell that they wanted an emergency c-section. There is so much emotional loss when things don't go as you planned and was in agony and i feel for my esteeme I deserve to call it "gave birth or delivered". Even til this day i feel hurt when I hear women casually ding those of us who were EP'ers because we just could not latch etc. Just the pain and sadness of not having that expected experience or the support needed for birth or breast feeding. I could not afford a doula or privately pay for a lactation specialist. All these losses get burried but theya re there, so please don't judge too harshley.
Wow this brings back some hurtful memories. I can remember sobbing with my midwife 3 days after my DD was born that "I didn't give birth to her".
Me too. 
Franky, I hate this question and think it's just haggling over semantics. I don't know anyone who says, "I have birth." I just say, "When Oscar was born," or "When I had Oscar." One of the women in my mother's group who had two home births asks these kinds of stupid questions, and personally, I think it's just a passive aggressive way to make subtle digs at women who have had c-sections.
For example, if you're recalling an event to a friend, would you say "Yes, I remember that, I was lying in my hospital bed about two hours after giving birth to my son when I saw it on the news" even if you had a c section?
I want opinions from c section mamas on this because I was on yahoo and one lady was throwing a *bleep* fit at how some women who have had c sections will say that they "gave birth". She was really irate because she doesn't think that c section mamas have the right to say that they "gave birth" because they didn't physically push the baby out of their vaginas.
people like that deserve a swift kick.
yes, i gave birth. twice.
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