I was going to just delete everything in my life that was baby related.. I'm glad I waited because I really liked this board and the forums have been very useful for me.. and maybe one day soon I'll be able to come back and talk to others that have gone through what I've gone through.
As some of you may know - I suffered from extreme nausea and discomfort for the almost 18 weeks that I was pregnant. Last Saturday - 3/3 - I thought my bladder spasms were back (I went to L&D triage at 12 weeks and was told that was what I had - I'd later find out it was pre-term labor)... so for 12 hours at home - I tried to repeat everything I had done to stop the bladder spasms the first time. They got more frequent and more painful, I got worried. DH called the midwife on call and she told me I could either come in right away or get some more sleep and come in first thing in the morning - it was about 5 am - but I had explained to her that my pain was at a 9 - so there was no way I could get any sleep. So we drive to the hospital and they check me in, take my temp, bp, etc. I haven't seen the midwife yet and then about 20-25 minutes later I start bleeding. I haven't bled at all during my pregnancy until that moment. I freak out of course and get very worried. The midwife rushes in and looks at baby on u/s - she is fine, heart beating, sack in tact, cervix closed, perfect. I keep bleeding, my fibroids have grown - the placenta is actually being squeezed in between two of my three fibroids - one now almost 11cm (up from 6cm pre-pregnancy) and another one 6 cm (up from 4 cm pre-pregnancy). I keep bleeding and my pain is immense so they admit me midday to - "manage my pain and stop the contractions."
Once I'm admitted - it's over an hour before the nurse comes to "check on me." I'm laying in the bed crying my heart out when the DH goes to find some help. The nurse denies getting my page and goes to search for the orders for more meds. I've been on morphine since 6am - pain is getting worse, contractions haven't stopped, still bleeding.
My hospital experience is FAR from what I had planned. No doula - she was supposed to meet my DH on the 10th and get half our payment at the contract signing. No midwife - one they turn you over to the high risk docs, that's it. And tons of nurses, med students, residents and doctors - including two men - which I was not comfortable with.. but when you're at 10 with pain and bleeding profusely - you stop caring. Besides - I just wanted my baby to be ok.
About 7pm - doctors rushed in because I checked myself and I was sitting in a puddle of blood. Another ultrasound - baby still ok..but now I'm dilated to 4cm. I knew my pregnancy was over. I had prayed all day... willed my contractions to stop, begged my uterus to calm down. So that's when the doctors offered me induction - but because of laws where I live - they had to wait 24 hours because her heart was still beating. They would watch me overnight. About 8:30pm - I was fully dilated....When the doctor removed her hand... I was ready to push. I can't how hard I cried. I didn't recognize my own voice.. it was truly the sound of someone heart broken. I pushed twice.. she was still in the placenta. She lived for a little over 2 hours. I've known DH my entire life and I've never seen him so hurt.. We held her and spoke to her, even after she passed she stayed with us until we left the hospital. We spent about 8 hours just loving her in complete shock.
I could have stayed the 48 hours, but I just wanted to go home and crawl in bed. I am still a complete emotional wreck. I feel lost. I cry all day. I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I'm on maternity leave - so I have 5 more weeks to pull myself together before returning to work. I hear that it gets better.. some how - it does. Right now, I just don't know how that's possible.
Basically - the smaller fibroid in the back began to grow where the placenta attached to the uterus and caused it's detachment. There was nothing they could do. The doctor said to me - "I know you may not want the surgery to have them removed - but you may just want to get an HSG (I think those are the letters) just to see what's going on." I said - "is that the procedure where they stick a scope into your uterus to see if the fibroids are distorting the uterus?" She said - "yes." I said - "Yeah- I had that done in September - when we got the all clear to start trying in November." Yeah - two doctors and my midwife all said they wouldn't be a problem. And yet - they were THEE problem.
So - that's my story. Please - if you know someone with fibroids - tell them to be careful before they get pregnant. Some women are lucky and they don't cause any problems. I am just very unlucky.
Good bye ladies... Sending you all the small bit of positive energy I have left right now.