I'm out...:( need advice on D&C or waiting « Back to Group Discussions

[newbie_mary]

Just went to the MW this morning to hear the heartbeat (none), so was sent to ultrasound and found out that baby died 3 weeks ago.  :(   :(

I would prefer to wait for a miscarriage, I think, but she said if it doesn't happen in 2 weeks I will need a D&C.  Now I'm thinking that maybe I should just get it over with...since I have had no symptoms (and am continuing to have hunger/fatigue/breast soreness).  Any advice from those who have BTDT?

[OkiMom]

I had a missed miscarried (baby stopped growing at 8 weeks, found out when I was suppose to be around 13 weeks). We waited a week and did a D&C mainly for 2 reasons. First I was showing no signs of miscarrying naturally and second I was spiking a fever so there was concerns of infection. For me it was the best decision. You have to figure out what is best for you.

So sorry for your loss

[zubeldia]

Oh, I am so sorry. I've had two missed miscarriages in the past few months. The first time I was just desperate for it to be over and had a D and C. The second time I was severely sick with hyperemeis, The sickness was getting worse and worse even though the baby had died more than 3 weeks after we realized, so, again, another D and C.

It is a highly personal matter. I didn't love the biomedical intervention but, emotionally and physically, I just felt as though I couldn't wait. Thinking of you.

[pregnova]

I'm so incredibly sorry. I hope you find peace in whatever choice you make.

I had a miscarriage at home at around 8 weeks. While nowhere NEAR pleasant...I found a lot of peace through it. I've never had a d&c though, so I can't compare. 

To me, the hardest part about miscarrying naturally is that it can be a very long process. I started barely spotting at 7 weeks....and went on to finally miscarry at 8 weeks, 4 days. I actually wasn't seeing a midwife at the time, so I just trusted that if that the was the end of the pregnancy, then my body would take care of it. And it did, but I really have no idea how long it took. There was no fetus to be seen...and less blood than is often described, so (after speaking with a midwife about it) I'm guessing development stopped VERY early on and it just took that long to pass it, or it was a blighted ovum in the first place. 

The waiting is incredibly hard. It does feel as though your entire life is on hold...and physically, I wasn't very comfortable during that week I was waiting. 

however, as I mentioned in the beginning, I found a lot of peace. I was able to participate in the process as the actual passing feels very much like early to mid stages of labor...and it left me with that same sense of being stronger than I had thought I could be as birth itself gave me. It's an incredibly personal choice though. 

Oh, and I will also add that when my spotting first began, I was experiencing MS worse than that which I had experienced with my son's healthy pregnancy...and I actually passed everything BEFORE that faded. My breasts also remained extremely sore for the next two weeks following the miscarriage. 

[moonInLion]

I am so sorry. It is hard!

I had a baby dying in my womb at around 9 weeks, went undiagnosed until about 15 weeks. They gave me a few days only because of the fear of infection. I went to see my naturopath the day

after the diagnosis and got acupuncture to get things moving. She also recommended warm castor oil packages on the womb, which I did. I m/c-ied naturally and at home 4 days later.

Check out the pregnancy and birth loss forum. There are some great hearts and lots of good advice out there. Hugs!

[newbie_mary]

Thank you for all of the replies.  I hope the rest of you go on to have happy, healthy pregnancies and hopefully I'll be back in a DDC before long!

[SunnyB1978]

So sorry about your loss.  I've had 2 miscarriages, and here are my thoughts.  The first one didn't occur until 12 weeks, and it was full on labor.  In fact, the contractions were extremely hard and lasted over 6 hours.  Birthing my live, full term daughter was actually easier.  I don't think this is common, but that was my experience.  It was a bit cathartic, but I wouldn't do it again and I certainly would make sure I had pain killers if I did.  The second time, it was earlier (8 weeks).  It was way more than a "heavy period" that some people describe.  The pain was not substantial, but the blood clots and level of bleeding was enough that no pad would ever contain it, and that lasted about 4 hours.  But once it was over, I never stopped bleeding, just like a regular period.  A couple of weeks after, the blood turned black and started to smell bad.  The cramping was so intense I couldn't stand up strait.  When I went to the doc, on a Friday, he said that had I waited until Monday to come, the infection would have been life threatening.  It took about 6 weeks to heal from all that, and the liver damage from the intense antibiotics took another 2 months to correct.  

So, saying all that, a d&c lets you get on with life.  My experiences are probably worse than most people, but if I have another miscarriage, I will ask for a d&c right away.  

[SunnyPerch]

I'm so sorry. :(  My body passed the m/c naturally so this question didn't even arise for me, and I have no suggestions. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for your loss.

[springmum]

I'm very sorry for your loss :( I didn't have experience with a D&C with my miscarriage either.

[Babinogi]

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I went through a similar thing in August. It's devastating and hard emotionally.  Nothing was happening with me, it was a Missed Miscarriage. I had the D&C and am glad I did.  I didn't want my first "birth" experience to be one associated with death.  That was just my choice.  I also didn't want to draw out what was already a emotionally painful experience.  It was a hard decision, but it was better for me physically and mentally. I did wait a week and a half and then couldn't take it anymore...

I wish you all the best and just know that nature knows best and next time you will have a bean that sticks - it didn't take me long to get pregnant again.

best wishes to you.