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Pregnancy after loss... November 2012 Rainbow Babies - Page 2

post #21 of 103

Greenmamato2- I think I am definitely going to request an earlier appointment.  Thanks for the advice :)

 

I have the same bad habbit of looking at the toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom...although I do find comfort knowing that I am not the only one.  I thought I was going a little crazy there for a while so thank you for sharing that :)  I have been having cramps yesterday and today pretty consistently.  Has anyone had cramping like that with a healthy pregnancy?  Trying to convince myself this is somewhat normal and doesnt always mean something bad.

 

 

post #22 of 103

I had a missed miscarriage at around 8 weeks last October and am coming upon 8 weeks now, so I am trying to keep calm.  I just want a healthy pregnancy and child.  I am constantly queasy and I take that as a good sign for now.  I went to the doctor at around 5 weeks and saw the sac and a speck in it.  Going back to the doctor at 10 weeks and maybe again at 12....Good luck to all the Rainbow warriors:)

post #23 of 103

I'm Rachel. This will be out 7th. I had a loss back in December. I was 14 wks but the baby had passed around 9 wks. So I'm very nervous about this pregnancy. I'm trying to stay positive since a good friend told me I have a good track record for healthy babies. But it is really hard after you have a loss. I had a small amount of pink spotting around the time AF was expected but that luckily was gone quickly. But I get nervous every trip to the bathroom expecting to find blood.

post #24 of 103

JRighty38 - I've had cramping this time around too, but I've noticed that often it is just that my "morning sickness" winds up being more on the lower-digestive end, rather than nausea/vomiting (though I do feel queasy often).  Normally my cramping winds up being gas or diarrhea - is it possible you've been experiencing some digestive issues that are causing it?  Make sure you're drinking TONS of water, because it can help with cramping in various ways too.  Hugs

 

Sycsibert - I'm coming up upon 7 weeks - the middle milestone of my miscarriages.  I had one at 5 weeks, 7 weeks, and 12 weeks.  Once I get past the 7 week hump and get to 8 weeks, I'll feel a bit better.  Still a long way to go for all of us, but we can only do it one day at a time.  Hang in there!!

 

As for me, my Dr. appt is tomorrow, and I'm nervous.  I'm nervous for all the reasons I think we all understand, but I'm also nervous because we've been hit with a major winter storm, and I'm hoping the Dr. will be in the office!!  Schools are at least 2 hour delay, and possibly closed tomorrow, and I know further in town a lot of businesses are shutting down.  I'm hoping the Dr. office stays open.  I've been holding my breath for this appt since I found out I was PG. 

 

I know the Dr can't really do anything for me, but I just need to hear something reassuring, and maybe be even some tips on something I can do to make this baby/pregnancy as healthy as possible. Even if the Dr just says "drink water" I'll feel a bit more like I have SOME control over things, which is something I really need right now (even though I know that I don't have control over anything really with this).  Does any of that make sense at all?  I'm stressing for sure, hoping this baby sticks, and I think I'm just in freak-out-mode, still being stuck in this first trimester, and scared about all the possibilities that could go wrong.  I need to focus on positive things. 

 

I have been talking to my hubby about it a bit, but I don't think he really "gets" it.  I can see he's trying to be supportive, and has been really stepping up around the house so that I can rest and take care of myself as much as possible.  That said, I really need him to be supportive TO me, and encouraging.  I'm hanging on by a thread, and trying to stay strong and positive, but half the time when I talk about the pregnancy, how I'm feeling, etc, its like he doesn't even hear me.  I don't think I've been a "debbie downer" to him about it or anything, but when I have actually expressed my concerns, or talked about how I overdid it going grocery shopping today and can't keep my eyes open another moment, he just really doesn't even seem to hear me.  He's just distracted or not focused or changes the subject.  A couple that we're friends with - I spent time with the wife today and she was telling me about a conversation my hubby and her hubby had about how "magically" I have these symptoms now that I peed on the stick - as if I'm making it all up.  I finally broke down and cried tonight (I'm emotional since the pregnancy, yes), and I don't think he understands what I'm needing from him.  I want him to care that I'm concerned and help to reassure me when I break down crying (which isn't often, honest - I try to stay positive).  I want him to be concerned for my health and the health of the baby and pay attention if I am feeling sick to my stomach or so tired that I'm falling asleep standing up.  I want him to understand that I'm not making up how I feel, both physically or emotionally - they're very real things.  He tried to be sensitive to me when we talked but he just didn't get it.  :(

post #25 of 103

Just a quick update that the appointment went well, and hubby and I talked -t hings are much better on that front.  I have an ultrasound on Friday to make sure everything looks ok, and hopefully get to see our little wiggly bean. :)

post #26 of 103

Just looking for some reassurance today.  Last night I had a good deal of cramping.  Nothing really strong, but it lasted for a while.  I certainly didn't drink enough yesterday.  Now this afternoon I just feel lousy:  crampy, nauseous, tired, etc.  The thought of having to cook dinner makes me wanna cry.  So, this should be reassuring to me right?  Ugh, I can't wait until I can get a peek at this baby next week and see that little heart pumping.  I know it won't take all my uneasiness away, but it will help.

 

On another note, I have been trying so hard to be peaceful about this pregnancy, but haven't allowed myself to plan and daydream about it.  I am now working hard to change my focus.  I want to dream about this baby, think about all the things I will experience throughout the pregnancy and babymoon.  It is hard, though.  After the two recent losses finding out I am pregnant has changed.  Hopefully as time goes by, it will get easier.  I have forced myself to stop saying things like "if I carry this baby to term...."  How is everyone else feeling about stuff like this these days??

post #27 of 103

I find that I say the same thing.  "If this baby stays sticky....", "if everything winds up being ok...", "if this baby makes it to term...", etc.  I want to focus on the BABY and the PREGNANCY, and not the chance of it not lasting.  It is so hard.  I think it is a defense mechanism for us.  I realized though, that I am not going to be any *less* sad by trying to detach.  I learned that the hard way with my longest pregnancy/miscarriage.  I was 12 weeks with that one when I miscarried, and had been miserable the whole pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarium. I was upset because I was scared about the possibility of miscarrying, and I was upset that I was so sick, and I just couldn't focus on the long term or the positive.  Still, when I miscarried I was as devastated as I would have been had I let myself truly enjoy it (aside from the sickness - can't really enjoy that).  This time around I keep trying to remind myself of that, and keep trying to focus on being pregnant, even if it just means I'm only pregnant for today.  Today I'm healthy, happy, and pregnant.  That has to be enough for me today.  Even my Dr. said that in our long long lives, we women are only pregnant for a very short time, so we should enjoy it as much as possible, and not put so much focus on the "what ifs" that we miss the amazing experience of this. Easier said than done, but still good advice. 

 

As for the cramping, it could have totally been from being dehydrated.  It could also be gas, or even just ligament pain.  I'm 6 weeks and already feeling ligament pain, especially when I move wrong. I t can cause a crampy feeling too.  Hang in there, and drink lots of water. Hugs!

 

 

post #28 of 103

Cramping is totally normal in early pregnancy.  I've been having some cramping on and off for the last 2 weeks... and have had cramping with all my pregnancies.  Interestingly, during my last pregnancy (which ended in miscarriage) I had no cramping after the baby had died (at 8 weeks, I miscarried at 11 weeks).  No symptoms of cramping during that time whatsoever, I did suspect something was wrong b/c all my nausea went away very suddenly.  But your body is just expanding and adjusting to the baby and uterus swelling.

 

post #29 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenmamato2 View Post

I find that I say the same thing.  "If this baby stays sticky....", "if everything winds up being ok...", "if this baby makes it to term...", etc.  I want to focus on the BABY and the PREGNANCY, and not the chance of it not lasting.  It is so hard.  I think it is a defense mechanism for us.  I realized though, that I am not going to be any *less* sad by trying to detach.  

 

Yes, this exactly!  I came to this realization yesterday.  Saying those things and detaching to some extent isn't going to make a miscarriage any easier, but it is going to keep me from enjoying the pregnancy.
 

 

post #30 of 103

Yes, I do that, too. Even though my last pregnancy went to term, I still find myself trying to not get emotionally attached. Almost every time I talk to someone about this baby, I qualify it: "Well, that's assuming everything works out" or "it's so early, I don't want to get ahead of myself." Etc.

 

With Pearl I didn't do most of the 'usual' pregnancy things like belly shots, etc, because I was so sure I would lose her, too. I don't think DH and I relaxed until we reached 24 weeks or so, when there was a decent chance at viability. I'm hoping to enjoy things more this time, but I just don't know how much that's possible. The one bright side to this is that I'm NOT having second-child guilt. No, I'm not taking belly shots every week/month this time... but I didn't do it last time, either. So at least I don't have guilt to add to the long list of emotions I'm feeling with this baby. lol.gif

post #31 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by greenmamato2 View Post

I find that I say the same thing.  "If this baby stays sticky....", "if everything winds up being ok...", "if this baby makes it to term...", etc.  I want to focus on the BABY and the PREGNANCY, and not the chance of it not lasting.  It is so hard.  I think it is a defense mechanism for us.


This is exactly how I am. I'm also reluctant to post in this forum (outside of this thread) and I'm certainly not telling anyone beyond my immediate support system. I feel more detached from this pregnancy but I'm not sure if it's because I'm busier with two little ones this time or if it's some ominous sign. We really want this baby. I'm so early (my HPT came up positive before 4 weeks) so I'm just biding the time until it feels safer. I wish I could let go and be happy and excited and plan and dream. I'm just plagued with the trauma from my loss.
post #32 of 103
Also...any homebirthers out there? I'm not planning to see anyone until 8+ weeks. I won't be having an u/s...How do you gain confidence in the pregnancy?
post #33 of 103

Well, for me, I have to see this baby ASAP.  That will help me gain confidence along with more consistent symptoms.  I will gain even more confidence when I feel movement.  For today, I will feel more confidence when I get my hcg result from this morning wink1.gif

 

My last was a homebirth and we will be planning on a homebirth this time unless it is twins (there is a possibility I ovulated 2 eggs).

post #34 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by C-Momma View Post

Also...any homebirthers out there? I'm not planning to see anyone until 8+ weeks. I won't be having an u/s...How do you gain confidence in the pregnancy?


I'm a homebirther and I won't go see anyone till around 12 wks. Honestly I'm not sure I'd even have that much confidence if I had my blood drawn or saw the baby on an u/s. I went into the ER at 6.5 wks for bleeding the pg I m/c'd. My numbers looked good, the baby looked good. The ER dr even told me that chances were very good I'd have a 7th baby in June. Well that wasn't really the case since I lost just a couple weeks later. So I'm just going to do my best to be patient since I know the only way I'll feel secure in this pg is once I go past my last m/c and then once I actually feel some movement.

post #35 of 103

I wasn't going to see my mw until 10 weeks, and it was driving me crazy. But luckily (?) with the subchorionic bleeding I've had, they had to give me an u/s to make sure everything was okay and I got to see the baby.

 

Unfortunately, it wasn't as much reassurance as it would have been for someone who hadn't lost a baby after seeing the hb. Oh well. I have the MW appointment at 10 weeks still, though it'll probably just be the doppler and not an u/s.

post #36 of 103

I'm planning another homebirth. Truth be told I haven't even called my midwife yet. I'm actually debating having dual care until I get to about 20 weeks. When we lost our son at 15 weeks, I had to call around to find a doc who would take me on as a patient. It really was a huge mess and I don't want to be in that situation again. I'm still hesitant. I know that in reality I will never be "safe" in my pregnancy, so I'm not sure when I'll feel like it's okay to say anything YKWIM?

post #37 of 103

Just thought I would mention that I've hit my first miscarriage milestone! joy.gif  The next one is at about 8 weeks, but I'm super happy about making it this far, especially after the miscarriage scare and ER trip on Wednesday.

post #38 of 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dealea86 View Post

Just thought I would mention that I've hit my first miscarriage milestone! joy.gif  The next one is at about 8 weeks, but I'm super happy about making it this far, especially after the miscarriage scare and ER trip on Wednesday.

 

YAY!!!  My miscarriages were right around 4 weeks, so I passed mine pretty quickly, but it sure does feel good to get over that hump doesn't it??!!  Anytime I get anxious about this pregnancy I just keep reminding myself how blessed I am to have carried this baby longer than my 2 losses.

 

I got my beta back from yesterday and it is good and strong!  Also, my progesterone keeps increasing a little which is another comfort.  I will be getting the call to schedule an u/s, hopefully for next week!
 

 

post #39 of 103

Dealea86 - Congratulations on passing your miscarriage milestone!  I am RIGHT at my second one, now that I am 7.5 weeks.  I will feel a lot better when Thursday comes and goes and I can be at 8 weeks. I know that for me just passing these milestones gives me a little comfort in knowing I am doing better this time.  Whether it lasts or not, it is helping me to feel more positive about today, and I really really need that.  Congratulations again for passing your milestone! :)

post #40 of 103

Dealea86 -Congrats! Mine is at 9 wks. I'm pretty sure if I can make it to 10-12 wks and still hear a heartbeat I'll feel so much better.

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