Hey BTDT homebirthers... « Back to Group Discussions

[maple_mama]

When you decided to homebirth, did you meet any resistance or hesitations from your partner? I've had 2 hospital births and would love to do a homebirth this time. Both of my labors and deliveries were short with no complications. I know that doesn't mean all will be fine this time, but at least I don't have a history of anything. I've met with a midwife whom I really liked, and she's just waiting on me/us to decide. My husband, on the other hand, is a no-risk kind of guy who would be most comfortable knowing 100% that nothing will go wrong, and of course that's not a guarantee. (Of course it's not a guarantee at the hospital, either.) We've been talking it over a little at a time (he needs time to dwell on things!), so any other suggestions or ideas on how to get him to come around, articles to read or statistics on homebirth safety would be much appreciated! He was not able to meet the midwife with me the first time, so I'm going to set up another meeting for the 3 of us to discuss everything soon. Any other thoughts or experiences to share?

[ananas]

Has he seen The Business of Being Born? If not, watch it asap, I think that could convince anyone!

[maple_mama]

No, we've not watched it, but I have it on hold at the library and am just waiting for it to come in. The midwife said she also has a copy that she could let us borrow, so I'll just see which I get first. Thanks for the suggestion, hopefully it has enough of an impact on him!

[chrissy]

Hopefully when he meets the midwife he will feel a lot more comfortable.  That's what happened with my husband the first time.  He was very very nervous about it, but after meeting her, he felt very comfortable.  He's never looked back! 

Oh, if he's a statistics kind of guy, you could show him some studies showing homebirth, with a qualified attendant is at least as safe as hospital birth, in low risk mamas and babes.

[oikophile]

Just chiming in here (although I've never given birth) to say statistics can be really compelling. We went to a home birth info session with a local midwife and she told us her practice's c-section rate is 6%. Compare that with ~30% at the hospitals around here. Also, it was nice to hear that the breastfeeding rate among her clients is 100%! My partner and I were both impressed with just those simple stats.

[greenmamato2]

I have had two births in hospitals and while I would love to do a homebirth, my husband doesn't feel comfortable with it.  I want him to fully enjoy our birth, and it isn't vital to me to have a homebirth as much as I think it would be wonderful, so I am planning to have as natural and independent a birth as a hospital birth will allow.  I'm going to drastically change my birth plan to hopefully include a lot of the elements I would like at a home birth.  It is still early on in my pregnancy so I'm not diving into all the details just yet, but I have some ideas. I know I want water involved, whether that means frequent showers to help with the pain during labor, or a water birth (not sure), I am going to explore options and go from there. :)

[iana703]

I would ask your midwife for suggestions on other BTDT homebirthers in your area and meeting them in person. My husband felt a lot better having a male perspective of homebirth as their issues usually stem from safety and protection. 

Here is a link to statistics for homebirth from the CDC: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr58/nvsr58_11.PDF

[sere234]

DH happily agreed to a homebirth with our first, simply because I'd been mentioning it for months. I'd be reading a blog/book/article and say: Hey, did you know this about homebirth? Or I'd email him a link to a short blog post about homebirth or a birth video. Also, The Birth Partner is a great resource even if you do end up birthing in a hospital.

After all my time researching birthing options, I was totally accepting of homebirth. DH never did that research so it was still crazy to him. So like I said, I just took it slow and easy until he understood it also!

[maple_mama]

Thanks everyone for the advice and opinions. The midwife is meeting with us tomorrow afternoon, and she's bringing her copy of The Business of Being Born for us to borrow. Hopefully she can answer his questions and alleviate his concerns. I also thought about maybe writing him a "letter" about why I want to homebirth and what it would mean to me. I am optimistic he will come around; he's cautious with all decision-making so this is not anything I wasn't expecting. I'll keep you posted :)

[rad]

Luckily hubby was very much on board with homebirth as soon as I mentioned it while we were TTC our first. He was a bit concerned about the mess but that went away after talking to our care provider. I think he knew the idea of hospital births terrified me and he could see my visibly relax when I found the option of homebirth. Wish BOBB would have been made then cause it would have made our decision even easier.

[maple_mama]

Just thought I'd update...

we met with the MW and watched the movie (I really liked it, my husband was fine with it until the end, which he thought was not a good note to end on when trying to decide on homebirth!), but after a few days of letting him think it over, he said that since it's something I really want to do, then let's go ahead and do it! Yippee!

[Thyme Mama]

Awesome!

[eggsandpancakes]

Squee! So glad you able to have a homebirth! I've had two babies in hospitals, and am flat not interested in doing it again. I think I'm going to be able to talk my partner into a homebirth. He's worried about it, and wanted to know if we have any birth centers in the area, but the closest one is about 90 minutes away. He's slowly warming up to the idea, i think.

[chrissy]

yay!

[funkyorangez]

Hi all! I met with our homebirth midwife today for the first time, and it went wonderful! We are a great match. The boy had lots of questions for the midwife, while i just knew that this was the right fit. Our first birth was supposed to be with a CNM in a local hospital; i had a regular ob/gyn at first in the pregnancy and the original office got my due date way wrong - she was due June 24th; born May 8th, 2008. I was transfered to a different hospital with a NICU, pumped full of antibiotics, rudely checked at every turn, and harassed about using pain medications. After 20 hours of labor, my daughter was never handed to me, she was taken directly to the NICU. Turns out that she was not 33 weeks as anticipated; she was 37. Fattest baby in the intensive care unit. By the time i got her back to me 12 hours later she had already been pumped full of formula and given a vanilla scented pacifier! UGH!

So, the hospital basically convinced both of us that we would never go back; home is good for both of us! And - i made the boy watch The business of being born when i was pregnant for DD; excellent move. Watch that documentary if you havent seen it!