My midwife is far away (4 hours with stops). So a visit with her is an all day event. That partially contributes to DH and DD going with me to every visit. Another thing is that we get to go to a town with a Barnes and Noble, a Lowes, and other things we don't have in our own town. Plus, DH's cousin (who he used to live with as a child) lives there, so sometimes we get to meet up with his whole family for lunch.
A visit for us so far usually includes the following: pee on a test strip, check weight, check blood pressure, hear the baby's heartbeat, sometimes watch a home birth video, and then ask questions and chit-chat about birth/baby related stuff.
DH usually has a couple of questions of his own to ask the midwife, and he gets to hear the heartbeat which makes his day every time. Plus, I'm like Monkey's Mum, in that I have a severe case of pregnancy brain, so he helps me to remember the questions *I* want to ask, and remember when the next appointment is. Also, when we were asked about testing and interventions, we worked through that together before signing off yay or nay on each one. He likes the visits when we watch a birth video, so he can ask what he can be doing at X time, or what the midwife will do if Y happens. Plus, I get to switch out books she lends, so sometimes DH picks one he thinks looks interesting, or helps me remember something I wanted to learn about so I get books that I'm interested in.
DD usually plays around the office. The midwife has little fetus figurines that show how big the baby is at which week, and she also has a birthing dolly that DD is in love with. DD takes the baby out and puts the baby back over and over again. Sometimes there are legos or other toys out for DD as well. This time she played with a pinecone that the midwife's DD left at her office. When we watch the homebirth videos DD sometimes watches and sometimes doesn't. This is okay for me, as DD will come and ask to watch the "baby coming out videos" on the computer while we're at home. The midwife will usually ask DD if she has any questions. Sometimes she asks silly things, but then sometimes she asks things that are serious like "Will you make noises with me and mom when the baby's coming out?" (This is something we've been working on at home) or "How soon can I hold the baby after he's born?" or "If the water gets bloody, then what do we do with it?" Plus, any time that the adults are talking about something, and DD is interested, then she pulls DD into the conversation and tailors the information so that she can understand as well.
This last time when she pulled out the doppler, then DD got to press the button to turn it on, and DH got to move the doo-hickey on my belly, so really they both got to be involved.
The big thing for me is that this lady's going to be in our home, and helping our family through a big life changing event. I want everyone to be comfortable with her and to know her. DD gets super excited every time someone new comes over, and I want her to be used to her so she's not all "Who's this/what're you doing here/how does my mommy know you/what're you going to do/who are you again" for the entire labor. I know she's going to have questions about what's going on and everything, but if she KNOWS the midwife then being able to say "The nice lady who's going to be helping with the baby being born is coming over now" will cut down on at least half of the questions. And, this is also important with DH. This isn't someone he's just met once and got a good impression about. This is a lady who he has had conversations with, who has answered his questions, who he believes is competent, and will be compassionate with me while I'm in a vulnerable state. As he put it one day, "If I feel like stripping down and hopping in the birth tub to help you out, I wanna know who I'm doing that in front of, so I don't get all weird about doing what I need to do to support you."
Wow, I didn't mean to write a book, but there it is!