Hi-- I've been a semi-regular on this board since my daughter was born but this question is so private that I thought I should change my name lest anyone recognize it.
First, let me say I am wondering if my daughter is being sexually abused; I feel like I know but I don't have any proof and I don't know what is normal or not. Second, let me say that my feelings could be being influenced by my own bad relationship (on the way to divorce) with her father. So, perhaps I'm not seeing clearly.
Here's the story: A couple of months ago my daughter started giving very amorous kisses to me and pretended that I was her uncle. Her mouth was open and her eyes were very amorous. Something I've never seen before. Then after that she wanted to start playing brother and sister. Brother and sister involved her straddling me and rubbing her self against me, the kisses originally too. However, I think she can tell I don't like that as I'm so worried that her behavior isn't natural sexuality/or innocent 3 year old love but a reenactment of something else. She has also taken my hand and put it between her legs, she says that "brother" plays with her there. She'll have me lay down and ask me to take off my pants.
I keep asking her who brother is, but she'll only describe a pink and yellow man. Today I asked her where brother played with her, I tried to not offer any information that would lead her. She answered "You know, my *vagina (insert child word here) and his penis (*child word)." Then I asked her to describe his penis because I thought there's no way she would know about that. However, I did use leading words. I asked if it were soft or hard, and then she first said it was soft and then said it was hard. Every time I've asked her who her brother is, she won't tell me. But today, when I asked her where her brother was, she said he was out playing his I-Pad (in other words, my husband) but it was a secret. (I honestly don't know if I used leading language here). When I asked again what her brother does, she talks about making her 'sister' (pretend sister-- she doesn't have one) *bleed. And then she said something about playing with their vagina and penis but it would *break.
Of course, this is very upsetting to me and I know I'm not presenting this in a clear manner but there's just been so many ways my daughter acts as if she has sexual knowledge that I don't know if it's normal or if I'm creating some story by asking her leading questions. I know people often say trust your instincts, but my 3 1/2 year old doesn't know the truth always. Also, I remember when my mother asked me questions when I was younger, sometimes I'd answer in the way I thought she'd want to hear. I wasn't lying with an alterior motive, I just wanted to please her.
My daughter is not exhibiting any other symptoms of sexual abuse (according to the internet). She seems otherwise very well adjusted. I will say my husband does one of the things as a *potential abuser, he'll force my daughter to hold her or kiss her sometimes even when she's squirming and saying no. But that could be a perfectly normal daddy thing. It just happens to make me cringe.
Who can I talk to about this? We don't have much money? I just want my daughter to talk to an expert who could figure it out. It's killing me-- but since there are no other signs maybe it's me overreacting and creating a story in her head?