I only found out I was expecting yesterday, so perhaps my negative emotions are still-processing-thoughts. But I just feel stressed, terrified, anxious, unsure, and bad.
This is my 3rd pregnancy. My 1st pregnancy was an extreme surprise - DH & I got pregnant the first time we slept together, when I was 18. DS was born when I was 19 and we got married a year later. My 2nd pregnancy was planned and long anticipated, DD was born last year when I was 21. I am due in November, so baby #3 will arrive when I am 23. Though we originally thought we wanted 4 children, it didn't take us long after DD's arrival to figure out 2 was enough. We don't have a support system, we moved right after DD was born and family and friends are 3 hours away. I am a SAHM and still nursing DD (who is only 14 mo) . We discovered this pregnancy at an OBGYN appointment to get birth control.
Now, abortion is a 0% option due to personal beliefs, and though in my dreams adoption seems like an option, I realize I can't actually go through with it, and most especially, neither could DH. I couldn't separate my children to preserve my comfort level. I just feel stretched thin and I can't imagine how I'm going to fit another baby into this scenario! Did I mention we just bought a house - last week? The house that I've been so excited about, that was just perfect for the 4 of us, suddenly has me wondering how we'll all fit!
The good news is that DH is a much better person than me. Though we've both said time and time again we didn't want another after DD was born, and used protection, when we found out about the pregnancy, he was immediately positive. He told me how much he loves me, that we are in this together, and that God obviously believes there is room for another child in this family. Though he seems maybe a *little* worried, he is mostly just excited. I am hoping that I will get excited, too, but I'm just not there yet. And that, makes me feel awful.
Anyone relate? Is there anyone wading slowly into an unexpected pregnancy?