being bullied/abused - Page 2

[aishamama]

Thank you so much!  Not being intrusive at all. I had the baby last summer =D  I've forgotten to update my signature line. She's now 9 months old. It was a very difficult summer but we got through it.  I am hoping to get some help at home in the summer so I am not just getting by or barely surviving. I think our quality of life should improve a little bit and enjoy the kids. 

Thank you also for your help in both posts. I deeply appreciate everyone's help and all viewpoints have been very helpful. 

[Tigerle]

I've been looking at your other thread (the one about speediness/slowness) and have been thinking that the two issues identified in these two threads must be related, ie a motor planning deficit/dyspraxia or something of the sort that is both affecting his ability to play/run/walk upstairs and holding up his writing. So as this is or will be affecting his ability to succeed in school I am wondering whether you could get the school involved in this (I am assuming your child is currently in public school)? I am not in the US but there are some very knowledgable people here to coach you on how to request an evaluation from the school, if that applies. Having the school agree that yes, there is an issue, would help you stand your ground against a disbelieving husband.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by aishamama 

The aspect which makes difficulty is when I'm expressing myself to the Pediatrician and my husband laughs as to mitigate my concerns or sort of scoffs, if you understand what I mean.

Your husband sounds like bully.

Do you have the ability to make appointments for your child and just make things happen, or will your husband stop that from happening?

Can you stand up to him, not to convince of him anything, just to do it, without feeling threatened?

[aishamama]

Yes it comes off that way.  I talked to him yesterday again.  Perhaps our kids have what you all are saying sometimes 2E?   

I'm still working on him.  I know that most of the time I get my way, so probably I'll just take my way here too. 

Edited by aishamama - 3/20/12 at 4:59am

[joensally]

I think it sounds like you need to do some research.  If you think about it this way, a 2E (twice exceptional) kid is a statistical outlier at least twice over - related to IQ and learning difference(s).  This means that most people have not encountered a kid quite like this, and not with this particular blend of strengths and challenges.  So, teachers, peds, psychologists may have limited experience.

We have had a pretty bizarre experience navigating the system - professionals either see everything through a gifted lense, or they ignore the gifted stuff and focus on deficits and pathologizing.  I've had to be the person standing up for my kid, and his right to be who he is (focus on strengths and valuing complexity), and then to also advocate for the accomodations he requires at school.  I won't pretend it's easy.

I really think that the following books and websites are valuable.  The Webb book is available with sizable previews on google books.

James T Webb's The Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults

Eides' The Mislabeled Child     

Bright Not Broken

Eides' website The Mislabeled Child and blog Neurolearning

Davidson Gifted Forum - Twice Exceptional sub-forum

This stuff is not simple, and can be overwhelming.  I cope by staying focussed on my kid is wonderful and complicated, and just keep moving forward.  You don't need to get every answer this month, although it can feel that pressured.

If you think about it, most of what you're describing sounds like processing issues - it sounds like he has complexities and challenges in various processing systems, so it makes sense that it would affect multiple things.  For an example, I googled and found this.  I'm not saying that there's a vision issue, but I think this article does a decent job of describing how one part of a child's system can manifest as behaviour or in other domains:

http://www.visionhelp.com/vh_add_06.html

[aishamama]

Oh thank you Joensally. We just got his vision checked and a physical done last week and he was fine.  Yes, I do need to do some research.  I think I misunderstood.  I appreciate your help and recommendation.

[joensally]

who did the vision check?  this matters.

[aishamama]

The nurse in the doctor's office.  It was for his physical for school.   He seemed to have some trouble at first. Then the nurse came to him and asked him what the pictures are to make sure he knew what they are. And she told him the names. They were a little ambiguous, the apple like picture looked like a tooth.  So after that was straightened out it was alright.

20:35 and one was I think was 20:20. I'd have to check the exact numbers. I was taking care of the two little ones while dh was helping out but said she said it was ok? Is this vision ok?

[joensally]

That's just a broad screening.  My son tested as a bit far sighted by the regular optometrist (so more detailed exam that what you're describing).  Took him to the developmental optometrist, and discovered that in fact he has a couple of complicating issues with his eyes.  We couldn't figure out why he could read (huge, non-phonetic words in isolation - not within a line of text), but would not read.  The particular issues he has also have behavioural manifestations (distracted, avoiding work etc - looked ADHD-Inattentive), and so the school was dealing with his attention but ignoring that his eyes were fatigued and he couldn't do the work as presented.  We had all of this confirmed by the opthamologist (medical doctor) at the children's hospital.

Vision may not be an issue at all for your son.  But there are a lot of kids for whom a thorough developmental eye exam produced a lot of "a ha" for the adults.  

A lot of what you're describing sounds like brain-based processing (sensory, motor planning).  Ruling out vision and hearing issues are standard protocol.  

I know you've received a variety of responses, but wanted to mention that anxiety is an expected outcome of sensory issues, and other processing issues that make navigating the world more complicated.

[aishamama]

thank so much !! 

We've got an appointment for Monday for the start of some evaluations. And I'm waiting on OT dept to call back.  So far I've run in to dead ends in getting his IQ officially tested.  I wasn't planning on doing this but it seems that it'd be helpful as part of this process since there are so many other issues.  So hopefully we'll have answers soon and get on the way to making life a little easier for him.

Thank you everyone. Your encouragement was the biggest catalyst to getting him help.