couple of issues with child #1, intelligence, misbehavior, anxiety - Page 2

[Tigerle]

deminc, hugs!

What a way to freak out a mom with a single question...I hope you get some answers.

Aishamama, I am glad you are making progress, as stated in your other thread, and are on the road to getting evals. I do not live in the US but I have also found that getting psych evals set up seemed to be much harder than other health appointments. maybe it was just the useless staff at our university medical center.

With regard to the question "take DS2 out of preschool or not", 8-3.15 sounds like a loooong day for a sensitive, anxious 4 yo who isn't really happy and socializing well. My DS, during his worst phase, would not have been able to take preschool that long everyday without acting out, badly. Maybe you can compromise with the school on shorter hours for the time being, even if you have to pick him up outside of regular pickup times? If they are wondering whether he needs to leave they might be willing to negotiate so they won't lose your tuition and feel bad about adding to the burden of a very busy mom and have a somewhat easier child to deal with?

And with a little giftie, never forget to check out the blood sugar angle - google reactive hypoglycemia. DS reacts intensely to low blood sugar and can freak out simply because he needs a protein snack but he would never think of it himself, or realize he was actually hungry. Occasional afternoons at preschool are always a bit iffy behavior-wise because we never know whether he is eating a proper lunch at school. At home, I still have to basically shovel the food into him at lunch because he is wiped out and distracted after a morning of having to socialize. Good thing the baby is good at feeding herself so I can help the 5 yo. *rolleyes*

[aishamama]

I don't mind at all.  I hope you are able to find the answer and treatment for these issues. I don't know much at all about food issues / allergies.   Giant hugs to you.  

Originally Posted by deminc 

aishamama, I hope you don't mind if I borrow this thread for a tiny while to ask Pighokey some stuff... We have seen so many doctors in the past four years for ds2, and vision specialists for ds1, I have to say the diagnosis and treatment is only as good as the doctor.

Pighokey, does this mean that an allergist does not know much about autoimmune disorders? This is going to be our third allergist and her card says she specialises in padiatric Rheumatology, Immunlogy & Allergy. The pd (also new) who is referring us seemed to be very good at pulling all the threads together and immediately whipped out her card and said we must see this particular doctor asap to rule out underlying autommune issues and make sure that ds2 had not been misdiagnosed all along. We were told she is good with both skin and allergies and can look into autoimmune issues. DS2's problem now seem to be recurring infections that should not trouble a normal child. The pd even asked if anyone "died young" in my family (yes) so I'm pretty anxous about it now.

[aishamama]

thank you Tigerle for your good suggestions.  

I have a feeling it's the tiredness that is causing some of the issues like you're saying.  They get up very early and the school has not been consistent with their nap times. I've talked to them so many times about this. Late naps make it hard for him to sleep. No naps make it impossible to get along with him and he becomes extremely hyperactive and unreasonable; he literally jumps off everything.

I have been wondering about his glucose for the past some time. I think on Monday I'll ask the Dr. to check his glucose and also I am going to play around with protein and fiber foods. I am thinking for snack time to give him cheese or peanut butter somethings instead of animal crackers and see if this helps. I'll have to google some new food ideas as he's kind of picky. I think if I increase his protein and fiber it might help sustain his glucose levels a little longer or keep them more even than offering foods that spike and fall more dramatically.  It's worth seeing. 

I think when we move things are going to improve a lot. I told my husband I don't care if I have to live half an hour from school we are going to have a safe, fenced in back yard to put a really good playground in. Being locked in in this apartment building is about to make me batty. 

I also think they're all still suffering from stress from our move last year. Nearly everyday one or the other talks about going 'home' as they hate it here. They miss their friends. They miss our old house. They miss everything about our life there. DS2 wants our slide and playhouse back. DS1 wants our pool back (baby pool). Now we're starting to get rid of things for the summer move. I think it's harder on them than they say. 

In what way does your 5 y/o have trouble feeding himself?  Is it the being distracted, taking forever, or the physical difficulty? 

We still have to help our 6 y/o with food. He's messy and will do anything if you'll do the shoveling for him. It bothers him terribly to get dirty and spill his food. And he stares off elsewhere taking all day. My 2 y/o is great at feeding himself. He is neat and tidy too but he is able to manage it well. 

Originally Posted by Tigerle 

deminc, hugs!

What a way to freak out a mom with a single question...I hope you get some answers.

Aishamama, I am glad you are making progress, as stated in your other thread, and are on the road to getting evals. I do not live in the US but I have also found that getting psych evals set up seemed to be much harder than other health appointments. maybe it was just the useless staff at our university medical center.

With regard to the question "take DS2 out of preschool or not", 8-3.15 sounds like a loooong day for a sensitive, anxious 4 yo who isn't really happy and socializing well. My DS, during his worst phase, would not have been able to take preschool that long everyday without acting out, badly. Maybe you can compromise with the school on shorter hours for the time being, even if you have to pick him up outside of regular pickup times? If they are wondering whether he needs to leave they might be willing to negotiate so they won't lose your tuition and feel bad about adding to the burden of a very busy mom and have a somewhat easier child to deal with?

And with a little giftie, never forget to check out the blood sugar angle - google reactive hypoglycemia. DS reacts intensely to low blood sugar and can freak out simply because he needs a protein snack but he would never think of it himself, or realize he was actually hungry. Occasional afternoons at preschool are always a bit iffy behavior-wise because we never know whether he is eating a proper lunch at school. At home, I still have to basically shovel the food into him at lunch because he is wiped out and distracted after a morning of having to socialize. Good thing the baby is good at feeding herself so I can help the 5 yo. *rolleyes*

[Tigerle]

If only doctors could prescribe a backyard with a slide, a playhouse, a baby pool and a sandbox for you all right now - I do not want to minimize whatever might be going on with your two oldest, but a backyard is going to go a LONG way to make things easier on all of you. No  wonder all of you are going a bit batty.

DS mostly talks all the time, jumps up, runs around excitedly, wants to get stuff, and completely forgets to eat, but sometimes merely looks around lost in a daydream and slumps at the table. Otherwise his sensory issues mostly appear affect his table manners - grabbing food with fingers, ignoring the fork (DD, 1, tries harder to use it!), mouthing and sucking on foot, taking tiny bites or overstuffing his mouth, fidgeting. Sometimes I make him take bites, then have to remind him to chew. Hence my wondering just how much he eats at preschool. It's getting better with maturity.

He can take forever with stuff like getting dressed or writing something down, or be fast, neat and efficient, if he has an incentive. I do not think it is ADHD - it is just his mind spinning around at all times, absorbing stuff, thinking of new things. I say things like "no more math question until you've pulled on your socks!" While DD screams "self!" as I try to help her with hers.

I basically undress him at night and stuff him in his PJs. He'd just be prancing around jabbering on about things, alternately whining about how tired he is and asking for help. I'm thinking he won't need my help when he's 18.

[pigpokey]

I don't know that much about the autoimmune stuff.  I think a start would be to make sure he has had a celiac panel run.

[deminc]

Thanks Tigerle! I did have a mini internal "what-if" moment but I am also glad to have a professional addressing all possibilities.

pighokey, thank you! I will raise that with the new doctor when I see her. I think it's a distinct possibility and right now I"m willing to bake for the rest of my life if that's all I need to do to get him better!

Aishamama, my 5 year old is also better at feeding himself than my 8year old. The latter finds it harder to coordinate fork and spoon/ fork and knife/ chopsticks together. He was actually great at feeding himself when he was 2 and everything was cut up for him and all he had to do was take a fork and jab. He also hates getting his fingers dirty and tries to avoid touching the food or plate - not always a very good idea. But he's getting better with practice so there's hope yet!

I do find that ds1 cannot talk and do things at the same time - e.g. talk and dress himself. The only thing he can do simultaneously while talking is drawing.

Tigerle is right about the backyard. It's always much easier with boys out in the open. I know you are in transition right now, and that's always hard for making plans and starting new routines. Maybe you can just aim for outdoor time once or twice a week at a nearby place if the neighbourhood is conducive. Alternatively indoor playgrounds? You can also consider enrolling the two older ones in gym classes so they get some supervised activities that will also be especially beneficial for your eldest.

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by deminc 

Pighokey, does this mean that an allergist does not know much about autoimmune disorders? This is going to be our third allergist and her card says she specialises in padiatric Rheumatology, Immunlogy & Allergy. 

Rheumatologists and Immunologists are usually very up-to-date on autoimmune disorders. Sounds like you're going to the right sort of person.

Miranda

[pickle18]

Just wanted to second what moominmama said - I have lupus (an automimmune disorder) and I see a rheumatologist for that.  A combination of rheumatology and allergy expertise sounds ideal!!! (wish I had had this - I had terrible allergies for years and had to be on shots - environmental, though, not food!)  Good luck - I hope you find the answers you are looking for. 

[pickle18]

Originally Posted by anjsmama 

YES. My 3.5 y/o DS who is high intelligence (though hasn't been through any formal testing yet) goes biserk when DD is "hogging me". He will just say "DD, move. This is my Mom." He also has some anxiety, though fortunately (sort of) he chooses to bite a pillow, sleeve, or basically any other object within reach rather than a person. He expresses his feelings by literally jumping and spinning and circles, fake laughing so loudly it makes my skin crawl, crashing things just to see if I react, 15 second full-grade meltdowns to see if I react, etc. I am conflicted about how school will work out for him, because he will turn 5 in August next year, and at present moment I have a hard time seeing him being emotionally mature enough for school by then! But I can't imagine him staying home until 6 either. 

My DS is also very, very quick. The kind of quick that I cannot catch him when I am carrying DD, and he knows it. His attention is a bizarre thing; when he's decided to focus on something he won't listen to a single word I'm saying until he's completed what he's decided to do or say. This definitely leads to misbehavior problems... "DS, DON'T jump off that cliff!" "I'll be back in ONE minute Mom I just HAVE to find out how it feels first." "DON'T." "I HAVE TO!" - not a real example but it's pretty much exactly the way it goes. 

... You said "I feel like this child needs a person just for himself to keep him from getting hurt, destroying everything, etc............." - YES. This is exactly it. Which is why I lose my mind all week, and then on the weekends, it's so much easier/better. DH takes one kid and I take the other. Then we switch. But DS always has the attention of one of us for those two days. And for those two days, there are rarely tantrums, there are no major falls or bruises, etc. If only he had a person just for himself all the time...

You just described my one-year-old to a tee.  Now, I realize he is much younger and at a different developmental stage - but he is very bright, energetic, intense, persistent and a TOTAL daredevil - he is quite a handful.  The contradictions are interesting to me - he is super energetic and social, but he needs lots of quiet down time from running around, being out and about, etc.  When he's into a task, he is so focused that he totally cannot hear me and isn't even aware of my presence (which people are often stunned to see in such a small kiddo) - but then he is all over the place and glued to me like velcro if he's not.  He has also exhibited symptoms of anxiety/stress his whole life, and he is quick to pick up on those from others (high needs baby).  We may very well only have one kid, in part because I'm not sure how to juggle!  I've been reading this thread in earnest just to see what everyone's ideas are.  

You may be beyond this and into the realm of allergies/disorders, OP, but have you read Raising Your Spirited Child?  It may at least give you some helpful advice for sensory overload, etc. (it doesn't go into giftedness, but it does touch on SPD and other issues that go beyond temperament).  It has made a WORLD of difference with my son in terms of validating and learning to work with his sensory overload, trouble with transitions, emotional intensity, etc.  That's really all I have to offer - wish I could help more!

Good luck, OP!  You certainly have your hands full - I hope you find some help soon.