STL Mama - first of all HUGE hugs to you. [just spend 5 mins trying to find the hug smiley, but can't find it - I'm lame].
Here are my thoughts: #1 I think its totally normal to be completely freaked out during your fist preg. and you will feel better once you are fully IN (and past the miscarriage risk stage). #2 miscarriages are TOTALLY survivable, I bet 95% of the women on this site have had and survived one. It's natures way of making beautiful perfect babies. Most of the time it has nothing to do with what the mama is doing, it's just that the cells aren't forming how they are supposed to.
It's SO HARD not to have anyone to talk to, I'm in the same boat and I think that is why a lot of us come to these boards. I want support from my friends but I honestly am not ready to tell, I have older children, I don't want to tell others until I have told them. It's really difficult to keep everything inside especially when I have such mixed feelings myself (also terrified, although I've been through this 3 times so my fear seems completely irrational).
The last thing is that I went through the same thing with my mom really not liking my (ex) husband (and for good reason, as it turns out he was a jerk but that's another story). But once a baby comes, it can really help with that animosity. It could help your mom see the positive sides of your husband. If she sees him nurturing and caring for you during the pregnancy and being a good daddy, she will probably totally soften to him and it could change the whole dynamic of their relationship.
Hope you have a beautiful day.