Hello All -
Any thoughts on this situation?
I was adopted as an infant, and I also have an adopted daughter. My adoption was closed but as an adult, I made contact with my bio family. It turned out my bmother had passed away a long time before I made contact, so I never met her but did meet other members of my bmother's family and that has been a positive experience. On the bfather's side, I did make contact with him by letter and one phone call. On the phone call, he acknowledged that he was my bfather, but did not want any further contact. He has a wife and two adult children (i.e., my half-siblings) and my impression was, although he did not say so, that he had not ever told his family about me. In part because of my feeling that it would probably make the bfather very uncomfortable, I did not contact the half-siblings directly at that time.
Fast forward several years to now, and I recently learned that my bfather passed away about a year ago. So now I am reconsidering contacting these two half-siblings. From what I can glean of them through the internet, which is quite a bit, they seem to be doing alright in life. Half-bro is married and a firefighter and real estate agent. Half-sis is married, I think to a doctor, and has three children. They both live quite far from me. I guess I am mentioning these facts to show why I am not worried that if I contact them they are going to be in jail or a mental institution or destitute or something like that--indications are that none of that would be the case.
Interested to hear your thoughts regarding how my journey on this might affect my 8-year-old adopted daughter (and also any other thoughts you might have but it is primarily the parenting angle that I am asking about). For example, do you think I should tell her that I am thinking of doing this, wait until I do it and see how it works out, don't mention it, etc. What (if any) possible bad effects might there be on her? Her adoption is closed at this point but under the law she will be able to find out the identity of her bparents when she turns 18. Because this is a journey that she may also be on one day, I want to be thoughtful about how I handle this experience in my own life.