Comparison With Parents of "Good" Sleepers - Page 2

[Everrgreen]

My son was still nursing through the night at that age (I nightweaned around 22 months).  I honestly always felt rested, he was in the bed with me so I'd wake for a second help him latch on and we'd both go back to sleep.  The only time I started to feel 'exhausted' is if I would start to compare my situation with other parents and start to feel resentful of the situation.  When it was just the two of us with no thought as to how it 'should' be, the night wakings didn't bother me at all.

As for naps, I think it was around that time that we switched to just one nap.  He went from having a morning and late afternoon nap to having a bigger nap in between (around 12).  I kept him busy through the morning (play groups, getting outdoors) and then he'd crash after lunch.  

[tanyato]

Originally Posted by Everrgreen 

 The only time I started to feel 'exhausted' is if I would start to compare my situation with other parents and start to feel resentful of the situation.  When it was just the two of us with no thought as to how it 'should' be, the night wakings didn't bother me at all.

so true for me too! i've had a major attitude make-over in the last month about night wakings and wow...i'm actually less tired! i no longer look at the clock, moan, groan and get frustrated every time ds wakes my up. i just latch him on, and go back to dozing. some nights i don't even know how many times i actually wake up to nurse him. i stopped caring. and since then, i'm much happier! i look at it like this: no, we're not sleeping through the night, but we certainly are getting plenty of rest. i don't get out of bed all night thanks to co-sleeping i really do feel rested in the morning...usually...:)

[Storm Bride]

OP: I haven't read the thread, and hopefully you got some good replies. But, I want to throw out there:

DS1: Slept well at night from birth - 1-2  wakings for a nurse or diaper change, and back to sleep. He's now 19, and has always slept well.

DD1: Nightmare for about her first year (including crying/screaming jags lasting from 11:00 pm to 3:00 am every single night for about 3-4 months). Waking once or twice a night by a year and a half. Sleeping through the night since about age two. She's almost nine.

DS2: Great sleeper from day one. He slept six hours straight in the hospital the very first night, woke up, had a good nurse, and went back to sleep for another 2-3 hours. He's now 6.5, and we've never had sleep issues with him - not ever.

DD2: Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. She was waking up at least 3-4 times a night at 15 months - maybe more. Sometimes, she'd take a long nap early in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon, sometimes not at all, sometimes a couple of cat naps - no pattern, ever. At about age two, she finally started sleeping through the night most nights, but that means about  8-9 hours. She still (2.5 - she'll be three in June) has no regular pattern of naps - today was about 20 minutes, while latched at the breast, starting at about 4:00. Yesterday was about two hours, starting at 3:00. A couple of days ago, she didn't take a nap at all. One night last week, she passed out at about 6:30, and slept for two full hours, then woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and didn't go to sleep until after 2:00 am! She has the wonkiest sleep I've ever seen.

They're all different. You're not doing anything wrong. (And, fwiw, after 19+ years at this parenting game, I'm almost willing to bet money that at least some of the moms at the park are full of it.)

[CatsCradle]

OP, you are not alone!  This is coming from a mom whose DD will be six this year and she still wakes up multiple times a night!  I honestly can't remember what "a good night's sleep" is anymore. 

Sometimes I think there may be a genetic component because my parents tell me I was just like this, and they are about as far removed from AP as anyone.  I even sleep-walked until I was in my teens.  My siblings, however, slept like baby lambs.  DD is starting to sleep walk now and she was having night terrors for a while.  It just seems like good sleep has alluded us for years.  In my case, it is more of a disordered sleeping problem than something that could have been solved by "training" etc. 

[mamazee]

I had one who slept horribly until she was 2, and one who slept through the night and napped beautifully since birth. I did the same stuff with both, but they had different needs. Some of this is just luck. It's hard not to compare yourself and your kids to others, as it will just drive you crazy.

[Peony]

After having 4 children of my own and also Working with new moms for years, the majority of children will sleep just like what the OP described if they are left alone. Sadly though due to our culture and the push for indepence and other such ideas, sleep training occurs far too often. Out of my kids, only one really sleeps through the night most of the time, I didn't screw up 4 times, it is just the way they are. I still never fail to be pulled into these traps of happily sleeping babies. I was chatting with a mom the other day and of course it had to be one of THOSE weeks where no one in the house is sleeping so I had been woken up the night before and the night before and the night before WAY too times to count. She starts talking about when her baby wakes up for the one time, it really makes her tired. Continue the conversation because i am of course jealous and it turns out that the 3 month is STTN and has been since 2 weeks old when the mom trained him to do 8 hour stretches and then has been doing 12 hour stretches since 6 weeks " since babies really don't need to eat at night". Baby wakes up at 7am after sleeping since 7pm, mom will nurse baby back to sleep with her and then they sleep in until 10am. And she is just exhausted. And apparently very proud since nannying gave her the abilty to see what she really did not what to have, a child that bothered her. So yep. I will just gladly lay here tonight and have my children wake me up all night long. You just never know what really happens in other people's homes and that some people don't have the faint idea of what exhausted really means.

Excuse iPad typos.

[pickle18]

Originally Posted by Everrgreen 

My son was still nursing through the night at that age (I nightweaned around 22 months).  I honestly always felt rested, he was in the bed with me so I'd wake for a second help him latch on and we'd both go back to sleep.  The only time I started to feel 'exhausted' is if I would start to compare my situation with other parents and start to feel resentful of the situation.  When it was just the two of us with no thought as to how it 'should' be, the night wakings didn't bother me at all.

As for naps, I think it was around that time that we switched to just one nap.  He went from having a morning and late afternoon nap to having a bigger nap in between (around 12).  I kept him busy through the morning (play groups, getting outdoors) and then he'd crash after lunch.  

Originally Posted by tanyato 

so true for me too! i've had a major attitude make-over in the last month about night wakings and wow...i'm actually less tired! i no longer look at the clock, moan, groan and get frustrated every time ds wakes my up. i just latch him on, and go back to dozing. some nights i don't even know how many times i actually wake up to nurse him. i stopped caring. and since then, i'm much happier! i look at it like this: no, we're not sleeping through the night, but we certainly are getting plenty of rest. i don't get out of bed all night thanks to co-sleeping i really do feel rested in the morning...usually...:)

Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies!!!   DS gets restless quite often at night and typically needs to nurse to go back to sleep - I'm sure this can easily be hourly if he's teething or at a developmental milestone (like now).  I don't stare at the clock or keep track of the number of times this occurs - I just flip my kid over like a 30 lb. pancake right onto the boob and we settle back down. 

This thread was really depressing me.  Yes, I get really tired sometimes, but isn't that part of being a mom?  Part of this awesome adventure in traveling through life in spit-up stained clothes, with strained peas and maybe even a lil poop in your hair? I have other health concerns, too, but I can't waste time dwelling on it - I just grab my giant cup of coffee and smile and roll on! 

Before I read this thread, I felt absolutely honest answering a cheerful, "Yes!" when others asked if DS slept through the night.  After all, he is pretty groggy if I catch him early enough (benefit of co-sleeping) and we can nurse and settle back down, without him waking up alone and getting scared and crying, etc.  He isn't up running laps around the house! (that WOULD be rough...)

I certainly don't mean to disparage moms who need their rest - and everyone has to draw the baby care/mama care line that works best for their family.  But I would no more compare my kids' sleep patterns to other babes (and become envious or frustrated) anymore than I would compare my friends' houses/cars/clothes etc. to mine.

As long as I assume everything is gravy, and just par for the course (which it is - for my individual kid), things run alot smoother around here.  A little positivity, grace and humor can go a REALLY long way!

In addition to an attitude shift, as a SAHM to one, once in a blue moon I will rest when the baby does - but typically, I don't.  If you work, you can also take naps in your car on lunch breaks! (I did this alllll the time when preggo - just moved my car to the farthest away spot and snoozed!)     

[contactmaya]

 We co sleep and in fact i am still co sleeping with my  older children. I breastfeed on demand, i ec. The baby , who is now 10 weeks,  actually  has started sleeping 5-6 hour stretches recently.  I wake up, but she is sound asleep. She also doesnt pee at night ( she wears no diaper at night)  Both my other kids were the same, and started sleeping longer stretches around the 2mth  mark.   So maybe im just lucky, but it does seem to correspond with some kind of  brain development. 

I think part of it is genetic, im a good sleeper. 

In any case, just because a baby is sleeping longer stretches, doesnt mean the baby is formula fed or in a crib, or cio'd. 

The pee thing is interesting too.  She has gone nights without peeing, even though i was still nursing her just as often-3-4 times a night at that point.

[Altair]

Well, I think it is part of BFing at night and co-sleeping that we will tend to have babies who sleep in shorter stretches.  I was willing to make that sacrifice the first 12 months, but it really, really wore me down (I teach K full time during the day and not having any energy was tough).  After 12 months I gently night weaned, and put the side up on the sidecarred crib next to us, and then he FINALLY started STTN with some help from NCSS.  

It is a decision we make, and it has it's positives and negatives.  I'm not one to say that Mom being tired all day is just nothing to worry about.  I really wanted to sleep with my baby and I loved the cuddle time all night.  But by 12 months I was ready to sleep again.  He still stayed right next to our bed for the next year and half.  

I'm planning on doing the same thing with this baby coming, but a secret part of me hopes I luck out and just get a deep sleeper after a few months!  A girl can dream.  

[JudiAU]

A 15m who doesn't sleep through the night does not have problems. I think the people who would CIO an infant have problems.

Those conversations are really annoying. Even more annoying was talking to my sister who nursed and used a co-sleep and all FOUR of her kids slept through the night right around a year. WTH?

But.... it really does get better. IT DOES. With our first I was obsessed with sleep. And the second, it just meant less. I took the easiest road I could find (co-sleeping with baby but not DH) and she is far easier at night. I get more sleep. I finally night weaned at 2.5 and it was a breeze. She is sleeping really well at night. We bounced her to sleep until well after 2 as well and then one day I said...enough. And so she doesn't nap any more and it wasn't a big deal. With SO MUCH LESS WORK.

I work full time and I really, really feel like if I didn't nurse and cosleep I wouldn't end up feeling like a mother. It became pretty vital to my emotional health.